The Chaos Theory Substantiation
by ShamyShipper
Summary: When Sheldon finally takes the initiative to kiss Amy on the train, new feelings begin to surface. Can Amy help him work through his trepidations to advance their relationship to one of physical intimacy at last?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **I have a very hard time envisioning the show ever getting to the point where Sheldon is willing to have sex. I do think that if they ever go there, it will be when they're ready to end the series. But until then, a girl can dream, right? This story takes place after episode 7x18 and will move forward to beyond the end of season 7. This might become a tad AU as I go since I can't predict what the next few episodes will do between the characters, but I will try to keep it as true to the series as possible. Also, please excuse any inconsistencies with Amy or Sheldon's personalities. I will do my very best to keep them in character while moving their relationship toward a place that can, as of yet, only be imagined.

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter One**

"_Chaos theory suggests that even in a deterministic system, if the equations describing its behavior are nonlinear, a tiny change in the initial conditions can lead to a cataclysmic and unpredictable result." – Sheldon Cooper, The Table Polarization_

"Sheldon, why did you ask me to be your girlfriend?"

"Really, Amy? That's why you called me over here? To talk about _feelings_? If I'd wanted to spend my evening discussing girly, pointless sentimentality, I could have stayed home with Leonard and Raj. Do you know that Raj spent half the day yesterday rambling on about some tea party he plans to host? He said he wants us to dress up in fancy clothes and wear hats. _Hats_, Amy. And I checked—my train conductor's cap doesn't count."

"While I agree that does sound rather tedious and off-putting, it doesn't answer my question."

"I'm sorry, what was the question again?"

Amy sighed, failing to mask the aggravation in her tone. "_Why did you ask me to be your girlfriend_?"

This mystery had been plaguing her thoughts for the last week already, and she couldn't seem to shake the sense of foreboding that accompanied it. Although Sheldon had an odd way of showing it, she knew he cared about her. And despite all the subtle changes that had taken place in their relationship since they had made it official, they still held that strong mental connection that had drawn them together in the first place. He still admired her mind, and she his. The problem was that she had started loving other parts of him as well, and as of yet, it seemed like Sheldon did not share that metamorphosis.

In the beginning, the catalyst in regards to the subject of her inquiry had been jealousy. Sheldon had not approved of her dating Stuart—not because the man was beneath her, not because he wasn't an academic like her, nor because they had so few things in common. Sheldon had simply not been willing to share her with anyone else. The thought of her devoting her time and affections to another man had proven too much for him, and had shown him that his feelings stemmed beyond just friendship and mutual admiration. She had known these things although he had never spoken them aloud, because she knew _him_, inside and out. She understood the way his mind worked. It was one of the reasons they were able to be such close friends without her losing patience with him like everyone else did. And it was the grounds for her uncanny ability to influence him when no one else could. The fact that he actually _listened _to her, more times than not, without argument was what really confirmed this truth.

But there were still times when she found herself wondering if she had ever truly known him at all.

He had already tried to break up with her once. Luckily she understood the impetus for that as well. Sheldon was afraid of change. Of course, the advancements in their relationship had been so gradual that he hadn't even noticed the transition until Leonard and Penny had pointed it out to him. And then he'd panicked. Fortunately, they had warned her of her boyfriend's intentions, and she had been able to prepare herself for his encounter. She knew that the logical side of his brain would never allow him to cut her out of his life, especially if she reminded him that she would stand by him and take his side (for she was, in fact, the only one who ever would), no matter how silly the argument. Even it if was about something as ridiculous as a dining table. She supposed the insistence of the depths of her loyalty really _had _been a form of manipulation on her part, just as their trip to Napa and the train ride had been, but she never intentionally sought to control him that way. Influence, yes, give a gentle push forward to, definitely. But never exploit.

Sheldon seemed to be thinking over her inquiry. "You know why," he replied at last. "Because you clearly didn't belong with Stuart." He tilted his chin up and crossed his arms as if that were the final word on the subject.

"I see," Amy nodded. It was pretty much what she had expected from him. This was one of those times when she felt a gentle nudge was in order. "So along those lines, are you then suggesting that I belong with _you_?"

He glanced away from her, and she watched as various emotions flitted across his features, most of them vanishing too quickly to decipher. "I have no objection if you choose to look at it that way."

"Sheldon…"

"Amy," he met her gaze again. "You're being impossible."

"Just answer the question."

Sheldon let out a long, exasperated sigh. "Fine. Yes, you belong with _me_. Happy?"

Amy smiled. "Yes."

Her boyfriend seemed to relax at that and reached for the television remote. She would have to act quickly if she had any hope of keeping his attention before he became engrossed in some science fiction program.

"Then…will you kiss me?"

Sheldon froze in the middle of his channel changing and slowly turned to look at her. "We've already done that. I don't really see the point."

"So you don't wish to repeat it. I take it that means you didn't like it?"

He glanced down at his hands which were now resting in his lap, the right one still gripping the remote control. "I never said that."

"So…how _did_ you feel about it?"

"Is this really the time?"

Amy felt her frustration rising. "Yes," she almost yelled. "We haven't said a thing to each other about this since Valentine's Day. I think we should talk about it."

Sheldon sighed again and rolled his eyes. "Why do women always want to talk about things?"

"It was a big step in our relationship, and I think it's important that we acknowledge it. So I want to know…did you enjoy kissing me?" Amy was fairly certain she already knew the answer, but she desperately hoped she could get him to admit it, if not to her than at least to himself.

Sheldon swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in much the same way as it had right after he'd broken the kiss on the train. "It wasn't unpleasant," he conceded.

Amy smiled again. "Good. I liked it too."

Another moment of silence passed between them, and Sheldon once again raised the remote.

"I think," Amy said quickly, "that we should do it again."

Her boyfriend paused once more, his shoulders rigid. "If I agree, can we stop talking about this?"

She nodded. "Sure."

Sheldon set the remote on the coffee table and turned in his place on the couch to face her more fully. "Ohh boy," he breathed as Amy scooted in closer.

He licked his lips and hitched his breath as they began to slowly lean into one another. She thought she could see his hands trembling in his lap. But then she closed her eyes, concealing him from view, and after a moment that seemed like an eternity, she felt the glorious sensation of Sheldon's lips pressing against hers.

Again, she was on the train, that night of their very first real kiss. She had dreamed of that moment for two years, and it had not disappointed. Despite the fact that he had first done it out of anger, it had quickly evolved into something much more intimate, and when she had felt him draw closer to her, his hand coming up to grip her waist, she had nearly fainted. He had _reacted _to it, had actually shown some kind of _desire._ It had just been too good to be true.

This time, the embrace lasted only six seconds before she felt him pull away—about half the length of the one on Valentine's Day, and Amy found herself forced to suppress a whimper. His face lingered before hers, only inches away, a look in his eyes she had never quite seen before. Was it longing? Hunger? Lust? Whatever it was, it was such a foreign sight to observe on her boyfriend's face that it filled her with a giddy perplexity that made her determined to somehow put it there again.

"How was that," she whispered.

Sheldon responded by doing something completely unexpected. He moved in and pressed his lips once again to hers.

This time the kiss was more forceful, his lips moving against hers seemingly of their own accord. His hands came up to grip the back of her neck, his thumbs caressing over her cheeks. Amy parted her lips in response, kissing him back with equal fervor. The taste of him was so sweet she nearly lost herself in it, her once focused mind now melting into a puddle of goo. Once again, it was over too quickly, and this time she groaned when he ended the embrace.

She studied him with interest as he turned back once again to the television, a determined look in his eyes as he found something suitable to watch. She didn't need to repeat her question; it was clear from his actions that he had enjoyed himself. But, as always in those rare moments of physical intimacy, he had returned to his previous state, as if said act had never taken place. Amy imagined a wall erected somewhere in Sheldon's brain that contained a series of switches. There was one labeled "geek mode" for when he engrossed himself in his video games, comic books and weird science fiction movies. There was another for his lecturing, when he rambled on to others about their annoying habits or why smooth peanut butter was better than chunky, or how the monorail got its name. The main, and largest, switch was used for scientific academia, which was devoted mostly to theoretical physics and solving the mysteries of the universe. And then there was the one saved just for her. Each of these could be turned on and off with a simple flick. It was the latter two switches which were used the least—the one devoted to science because it was almost never turned off, and the "Amy" switch because it was almost never turned on. She couldn't help a silent chuckle at that last thought—that she hardly ever turned him on. Then she frowned, realizing the implications of it all. She envisioned the "Amy" switch's electrical plate affixed there, coated in a thick layer of dust. Any amusement at the idea of how all that dirt in his brain would set Sheldon off was overshadowed by the depression that gripped her at the possibility that it would never be used enough to rid it of the grime and cobwebs.

"Ooh, Doctor Who," Sheldon's voice drew her from her reverie.

Amy rolled her eyes and stood from the couch, straightening out her skirt. She had no desire to watch this ridiculous program, and now she knew for certain the switch had once again been turned into the off position, not to be touched again until sometime in the distant future when she could once again manage to conjure a way to get him to show her an ounce of affection.

"Would you like a drink, Sheldon?"

"Do you have any strawberry Quik," he asked, eyes still glued to the program.

Amy sighed, but couldn't help a small smile at the request. Her tall genius of a boyfriend could be such a child at times.

"Sure, coming right up."

She thought about pouring herself a large glass of wine (she could _certainly_ use a drink), but decided that was probably not the best idea in her needy state. Sheldon didn't really appreciate it when she consumed alcohol, and she was bound to do something she would regret should she imbibe something that lowered her inhibitions. Instead, she poured them both a glass of the pink liquid and brought the beverages to the living room.

"Thank you," Sheldon smiled as he accepted the glass from her hand. He took a long drink and then relaxed back into the cushions. "Mmm…I do love strawberry Quik."

"Maybe I should wear pink more often," Amy mumbled to herself.

"What was that?" Sheldon had paused to stare at her, brow furrowed in confusion. Damn his Vulcan hearing.

"Nothing." She shook her head. "How's your show?"

"It's a repeat."

Sheldon shifted his weight so that he was facing her again. She felt his eyes on her as she sipped her drink, suddenly self-conscious.

"Amy," he said after a moment, "as you know, I'm less than adept at facial and body language cues, but it seems to me like you have something on your mind."

She was a bit taken aback by that. "I…not really, no. I was just…thinking about how much I like being with you."

Sheldon smiled. "I like being with you too."

"You do?"

"Yes. You let me watch Doctor Who and you always have strawberry Quik in your refrigerator."

Amy's shoulders slumped. "That's not what I meant."

He looked her over again, finally setting his drink on the coffee table. "I know."

She looked up to meet his gaze. Did he really, she wondered, or was this another of his clueless "Sheldon" moments?

"Sheldon, I—"

"Amy—"

They had begun to speak at the same time, and had silenced themselves just as effectively. As they stared at one another, both of their mouths curled up into a smile.

"You first." Sheldon gestured toward her with his hand, indicating that she should speak.

Amy shook her head. "No, you go ahead."

He wrung his hands together, a look of uncertainty settling over his features. He licked his lips and then chewed on the lower one as if contemplating something. "Amy, I…," he started again. "I think that we should…"

Instead of finishing the thought, he moved in and captured her lips with his own once again.

Startled, Amy jumped, nearly breaking the kiss. But when she felt Sheldon pulling away, she latched onto his shoulder, drawing him closer, assuring him without words that his actions were welcome. After a moment, he relaxed, his hands once again coming up to caress her face as he moved his lips over hers. And then she experienced something that shocked her to the core—Sheldon's tongue was tracing a path across her bottom lip.

Amy gasped, and Sheldon took full advantage of the moment to slide his tongue between her parted lips. His tongue sought out hers, and as he began to explore the depths of her mouth, she panicked for a moment, sure that he would realize at any moment what he was actually doing and run away. But he only moaned, pressing into her with more force, and she melted against him. Amy was glad she was sitting, as her knees had jellified and a wave of vertigo washed over. She could hardly believe this was happening. Her germaphobic, apathetic boyfriend was actually _making out_ with her.

Their mouths moved over one another with clumsy desperation. It was exciting and scary and hot and awkward and delectable. She curled her fingers into the front of Sheldon's shirt just as she felt his grip the back of her head and tangle themselves in her hair. Hunger stirred in the pit of her belly, overcoming all else. She wanted more of him…_all _of him.

At last they pulled apart and she kept her eyes closed, committing the moment to memory. When she opened them, she was pleasantly surprised to find her boyfriend in much the same state. His face was flushed, lips red and swollen, and a dazed look filled his eyes as he gazed at her, his harsh breaths mingling with hers in the silence.

"That was…wow," she managed at last.

Sheldon swallowed and nodded. "Indeed."

They sat in silence for a long while, neither seeming to know what to say, until somehow they ended up locking lips once again, and with a surge of glee, Amy thanked her television and the BBC network for airing repeats tonight.

* * *

Later that night, Sheldon stood in the bathroom in his Thursday pajamas, studying himself in the mirror. The image that stared back at him was an alter-ego of himself, like Bruce Banner and the Hulk. Where Sheldon's hair was always neatly combed, this man's locks stuck up at odd angles as though he'd been mauled by a raccoon. His usually thin lips were fuller, pale cheeks flushed pink, and there was a look in his eyes—a distant dreaminess that was so unlike their usual calculated concentration that it scared him a little.

Leonard and Penny had been right after all; Amy had certainly changed him. More and more often, logic and discipline were being replaced with careless abandon and hippy dippy emotional fluff. Still, no matter how much trepidation he felt at the idea, it couldn't quell the contentment that had washed over him after the night's activities. He had been thinking about the Valentine's kiss ever since it had happened. It plagued his dreams and intruded on his work, causing the calculations that usually came naturally to him to take longer to solve. The phenomenon confused him.

It wasn't as though he and Amy had never kissed before. The very first time she had been drunk, and it had taken him by surprise. But he hadn't hated it. In fact, he had found it quite exhilarating. At the time, he had no idea how he really felt, couldn't put a name to the sensations that were swirling in the pit of his belly. Even now, as he was beginning to understand his own body's reactions with a bit more certainty, he looked back at that time with perplexity. It couldn't have been lust he had experienced; the kiss had not made him want Amy in a carnal way. It had simply made him feel closer to her somehow, and the feeling of her lips pressed against his had been surprisingly pleasant. She had given him another peck when he had bought her the tiara, and neither of those times had caused his mind to be plagued with thoughts of kissing her again. He didn't understand what had changed this time.

This level of bewilderment was unusual for him. After all, he had an eidetic memory, an IQ of 187, and he was surely on his way to winning the Nobel Prize. His high level of intelligence combined with his inability to forget a single detail of anything he had ever learned or experienced had made him an expert at practically everything. Except for this. He had never been in this situation before, had never even _considered_ the possibility. But here he was, _longing_ for Amy Farrah Fowler, plagued with inappropriate thoughts that stemmed far beyond images of her dandruff.

Sheldon prided himself on his preparedness. His schedules were strictly mandated, and he had a backup plan for any inevitability. His demand for order assured that nothing was ever out of place and unwelcome surprises were kept at a minimum. But despite all of his planning and preparation, he could have never anticipated this.

Sheldon was _horny._

No, he told himself. It couldn't be true. He wouldn't let it.

He had control over his own mind and body. He could block this out. He could force this feeling away. He could prevent himself from thinking about how soft her lips felt against his, how when he'd dared to deepen the kiss tonight, it hadn't disgusted him as he had always thought it would, but had instead ignited something deep within him, sending sparks of electricity down his spine. That wasn't what he had planned. The touching of their tongues was supposed to prove to his unruly body once and for all how disgusting the exchange of saliva would be. But instead, the sensation of it had taken over, and he found himself pressing into her desperately, craving—_needing_—more.

Still, he really should brush his teeth after all of that, he decided. So forcing the thoughts of their kiss into the deepest depths of his consciousness, he focused instead on squeezing some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and getting to work scrubbing the residual germs away. He didn't know what it was about Amy that felt so different. Why was it that while he had an aversion to touching other people, he had never really felt that way about his girlfriend, not even when they had just been friends? How had it been so easy to rub vaporub on her chest when she had been sick, and to touch her naked body as he gave her a bath?

Sheldon leaned over the sink to spit out the toothpaste, and he shut his eyes as visions of that evening invaded his mind.

_Amy stood with her back toward him while he sat on the toilet lid, staring straight ahead at the wall. She was off to his left, and he could perceive her movements out of the corner of his eye. She was fiddling with the buttons on her nightgown. When she began to slide it off her shoulders, he spared her a quick glance, and his breath caught. The fabric slid down slowly, revealing the pale flesh of her arms and back before slipping down to pool around her ankles on the floor. She wasn't wearing a bra, and the black fabric of her panties was the only thing preventing her from being entirely naked. He watched with fascination as she hooked her thumbs into the waistband and began to ease the garment down past her hips. Sheldon swallowed as the rounded flesh of her rear end came into full view, and his gaze roamed over the sight, committing it forever to memory. She began to turn toward the tub then, and he swallowed, quickly looking away._

_The sloshing of the water as she entered and sank down into the bubbles was the only sound until at last she called to him._

"_Okay, Sheldon, I'm ready."_

_He nodded, steeling himself for the task at hand. A brief moment of panic struck him when he realized what he was about to do. What were Amy's expectations? Her hints for more physical intimacy had not been entirely lost on him, and he was certainly nowhere near ready for that. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that there was nothing at all sexual about this. He was simply helping his sick girlfriend. The fact that he had enjoyed that brief glimpse of her backside was nothing to worry over. As he had told Penny once in a similar situation, the hero always peeks. Besides, it was the sneakiness of it that he found thrilling, nothing more. Brushing away his trepidations, he faced her and made his way toward the tub. The bubbles had done their job well, masking all of her vital parts from view. He congratulated himself on his forethought._

_He knelt down beside her, washcloth in hand so that he wouldn't be forced to touch her bare skin. He dipped it into the water and rang it out over her right shoulder, entranced at the way the droplets trickled over her flesh. Amy lay back with a smile and finally met his gaze. _

"_Thank you for doing this for me, Sheldon. You're a good boyfriend."_

_Sheldon bit his lips and nodded, attempting to look as indifferent as possible, despite the inner turmoil that had begun to brew deep within his gut. "Of course," he said as he swiped the washcloth up her arm and across her back._

_She leaned forward a bit to grant him access, and the bubbles shifted, revealing the side of one of her breasts. Sheldon swallowed and averted his gaze, telling himself that the tingling sensation in his stomach and his increased heart rate were just nerves due to being in the same room with a naked woman, and not because said nudity was sending his endocrine system into overdrive. And then it occurred to him that he would have to wash that breast, and he nearly began to hyperventilate._

"_Sheldon? Are you okay?"_

_He realized he had spun away from her, his shoulders heaving as he struggled to gain control of his breathing._

"_We're going to need soap," he announced, glancing around the room as if searching for it. His voice was much calmer than he felt._

"_Right here."_

_Sheldon turned to see a bar of soap in her outstretched hand. He leaned over and took it from her, their fingers brushing in the process. Then he busied himself rubbing it against the cloth until he had worked up a nice lather. Setting the bar on the edge of the tub, he began sliding the square of fabric over her skin in a methodical fashion, keeping his mind on the task of cleansing and rinsing off the residue. Once her back, neck and arms had been completed, he turned his attention to her lower half._

"_Can you raise your legs?"_

_She leaned her back against the wall and brought her right one up to rest on the edge of the bathtub. Sheldon stared at it for a moment, studying the outline of the smooth shin bone that spanned the length of her lower leg. Her calf muscles were nicely defined, curving upward and tapering as they neared her ankle. He trailed his gaze over her toes, noting their symmetrical appeal, and he recalled how she had once severed the webbing between them all on her own. Amy truly was fascinating._

_Shaking the thoughts away, he ran the cloth over the bottom of her foot, and she squirmed beneath him, letting out a giggle._

"_Sorry," she laughed. "I'm a bit ticklish."_

_Sheldon smiled at that and trailed his fingers along her arch, causing her to jerk her foot back with a little squeal, the water sloshing over the edge and onto the tile floor._

_Sheldon laughed and she narrowed her eyes at him playfully. "You're evil."_

_Something about those words filled him with a sense of pride, and he chuckled menacingly. "Look what you did," he joked. "Now I'm going to have to mop the floor."_

"_Sorry," she said. But the look on her face said she was anything but._

_Instead of responding, Sheldon simply got back to work, mapping his way up her shin and thigh until it disappeared beneath the water. Once he had finished with the other leg, he handed her the washcloth. _

"_That's everything I can reach. I trust you can manage the rest of the vital areas on your own."_

_She took the terrycloth square from him, but the expression on her face seemed to indicate an emotion he had only recently begun to recognize—disappointment._

_He focused his attention elsewhere again, reaching for a bottle as he listened to the sounds of trickling water that indicated she was finishing up. Unwilling to spare her so much as a glance as she rose to her knees to soap up her torso and chest, he busied himself with calculating how big a dab of shampoo he would need to effectively cover and cleanse the length of Amy's hair. _

_Once he was certain she had settled, he crawled toward her again, lathering the shampoo between his palms before threading his fingers back through her hair. Amy sighed and leaned her head back, her cheeks flushing and a smile playing at the corners of her lips. Sheldon stared at those lips for far longer than was appropriate before shaking himself and continuing with the task at hand. His fingertips scrubbed her scalp gently and then worked their way toward the ends. Her hair was soft beneath his hands, and he wondered what it would feel like to do this when her hair was clean and dry. Maybe he would try it sometime._

_Having finished his cleansing routine, he picked up the cup he had placed near the bathtub, dipped it in the water and poured it over her head, being careful not to get it in her face. He guided the water through her hair with his fingers, ridding it of the soap suds until all traces had disappeared._

_When he was completely finished, he moved away from her to grab the towel he had set on the edge of the sink. He held it open as he approached so that it would block his view of her as she rose, and then he could wrap it easily around her body. But Amy's next request foiled that plan completely._

"_I'm still a little dizzy. Can you help me up?"_

_Sheldon just stared at her for a moment, at a loss for words. He had scrupulously planned for everything… but he hadn't anticipated this._

"_Umm…"_

_She gazed up at him, a hopeful look in her eyes._

"_All right," he said at last. _

_Moving closer, he kept the towel held up in one hand while reaching for her with the other. Amy gripped onto his forearm, and he tensed the muscles in order to provide her a sturdy point of leverage with which to hoist herself up. The water poured down from her body as she leaned her weight into him and managed to rise to her feet. She gripped the wall with her other hand to steady herself, and Sheldon glanced away, determined not to stare at her naked breasts. Once her grip on him loosened, he once again opened the towel out to her, keeping his head turned away, and wrapped it around her securely. When he finally dared to look at her, he was relieved to see that all of the essentials were covered. His eyes lingered, however, on the line of cleavage that peeked out from the top of the towel, and then slowly trailed up to her bare shoulders and along her neck. When his eyes met hers, she smiled shyly and gripped the towel tighter around herself._

"_Thank you," she said again. Can you help me out?"_

_Again he offered her his arm. She took it with her free hand and gingerly stepped over the edge of the tub. Silence fell as the two of them stood there facing each other, him fully dressed and her dripping wet and vulnerable. _

"_I've…set some clothes out for you," he murmured. "Do you think you can dress yourself, or do you need my help?"_

_She bit her lips and her cheeks flushed as she regarded him. "If you can hold me steady, I think I can manage."_

"_All right," he nodded. He reached for her, taking hold of her arm as she bent to retrieve her underwear. He felt his cheeks heat up when he thought about how he had gone through her drawer of unmentionables to fetch them for her. Most of her undergarments had proven to be very practical, as he had always envisioned they would. Her common sense was one of the things he liked most about her. But there had been some other things hiding in her dresser—things with lace and leopard print and frilly trim that had both frightened and intrigued him. He had settled for a pair of cotton panties and quickly shut the drawer._

_With careful footing, she bent over at the waist, lifting one foot and then the other as she stepped into the garment and then shimmied it up her thighs. Once again, Sheldon was grateful for the towel that blocked most of her from view, but he could not help a glance at her legs, noting that the towel ended just a few inches below her crotch, leaving little to the imagination. It wasn't until Amy had pulled on the fresh nightgown and had hung the towel up to dry that Sheldon felt himself relax. But as he led her back to the couch, he found himself envisioning the curve of her backside and the round slope of her breast, playing them over and over in his mind._

Sheldon shook himself, realizing he had been daydreaming again. He really needed to get a hold of himself. His mind had become an entity all its own as of late, and he was determined not to let his thoughts continue to stray out of control. He had reminisced about the bath a few times since that night, but the frequency had only gotten out of hand since he'd kissed her on the train, a fact he still had no answer for. It was something he would have to research, he decided. Then he could formulate a plan to banish those unsavory images from his brain for good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much for all of the great reviews and encouragement. It's been a few years since I've written fanfiction, and this is my very first TBBT story, so I'm really glad you're enjoying it. Also, I maintain the belief that Sheldon really has a thing for Amy's ass, so I couldn't resist referencing that here. Things are going to heat up pretty soon, so please bear with me.

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter 2**

"_Let's look at this logically. I have a stomach, I get hungry. I have genitals, I have the potential for sexual arousal."_

"_A cross we all must bear."_

_-Amy and Sheldon, The Alien Parasite Hypothesis  
_

Sheldon sat on the bed, huddled against the wall in his room. His hair was once again askew, but this time it had not been Amy's fingers that had mussed it, but his own. He had worried half the evening away already, pouring through various websites, and he had even consulted that confounded book Leonard and Penny had given him on the subject. In all of his searching, one theme stood out perfectly clear—once the beast of desire had been awakened, there was no taming it.

With a moan of frustration, he leaned his head back against the wall. How was he supposed to deny the actions of his insistent body when no one would explain how to do so? It wasn't like he could go to his friends for advice. Leonard, although genuinely helpful at times, was just so clueless with the ladies. It was a wonder he had managed to stay with Penny for so long this time around. Raj, up until recently, hadn't even been able to _speak_ to women, and, pervert that Howard was, he could never imagine the short little man ever _wanting _to temper his urges. Not to mention, any talk of sex or lust or bodily functions would send the three of them into fits of hysterics, and the taunting about what exactly he wanted to do to Amy and whether or not he had finally started to grow pubic hair would begin. Sheldon could definitely do without the mocking.

Maybe instead of trying to fight this, he should approach it another way. Logically speaking, an urge manifested itself when a need or desire arose and was left unmet. Therefore, if said compulsion was fulfilled, it should no longer remain an issue. If he could find a way to satiate his own personal Hulk, perhaps he could return to his peaceful life as Bruce Banner, the genius scientist. It would only have to be a one-time thing. He could get it over with and move on. But just what was it exactly that he needed to accomplish? Certainly coitus was still off the table…wasn't it? In any case, he doubted he needed to go that far. But kissing had not satisfied him; it had only made him want to do it over and over, and the more he acted on it, the further it had begun to lead his thoughts down a path toward other, more disturbing realms. There had to be a happy medium somewhere. Perhaps if he could find a more intimate way to touch her, he could satisfy them both without having to push things too far.

With a renewed sense of hope, Sheldon pulled his laptop closer and began to type. Articles detailing the typical labored sports metaphors—first base, home run, and so on—flooded his search engine results, and he recalled a time when an emotionally distraught Amy had requested that he find second base. He understood the basics of that now. The book had been very clear on the matter. But could he actually bring himself to violate her that way? It seemed way too personal—way too _predatory_ to grope a woman in such a fashion. He wasn't some crazed sex pervert. He was Dr. Sheldon Cooper, a man above such primitive actions. And yet, here he was, thinking about Amy Farrah Fowler and what it would be like to trail his fingers over the curved mound of flesh he had accidentally spied peeking out at him from beneath the concealment of the bubbles in her bathtub. What would it feel like under his hands if he gave it a gentle squeeze?

_Get a hold of yourself, Cooper!_

Shaking his head, he commanded the thoughts away. He _would _maintain control over his own faculties. His body would _not_ determine his thoughts or actions.

Then why had the crotch of his pants grown uncomfortably tight over the past ten minutes?

"Ugh!" He banged his head softly against the wall again and shut his eyes, attempting to slow his breathing like he had done so many times in the past during an emotional outburst. Kohlinar. It had always been his preferred way of dealing with uncomfortable sentimentality. What a joke, really. It hadn't served him well since he'd met her, and yet he clung to the old method like a lifeline, grasping to any trace of hope that he could somehow banish these feelings and lock them away forever.

Sheldon took a moment to breathe: in through his nose, out through his mouth. He cleared his mind of all thoughts. The pictures faded before his closed eyes until all that was left was a blank slate. Yes, he was still capable of this. Maybe he could control his urges after all. If he practiced this often enough, he could banish the images of her ample, rounded backside from his memory.

He recalled spanking that shapely rear, the way the taut flesh had bounced back against his palm. The mewling sounds she made while draped across his lap did nothing for his heart rate or the stirrings of arousal he had fought so desperately not to reveal to her as she stretched out over his lap way too close for comfort.

Just like with the kissing, once had not been enough. Now that he had begun down that road, he found himself wanting to touch her there again and again, to explore further, gently cupping the roundness of her flesh and weighing it in his hands. He had smacked her ass again on Thanksgiving, claiming the influence of alcohol as a viable excuse, but deep down he knew it had not just been the fault of his drunken stupor. Amy had not complained, had not even mentioned it to him, but he remembered the way she'd slinked away from him, the coy smile she'd flashed him over her shoulder. Could it be that she enjoyed being spanked as much as he enjoyed doling out said punishment? He'd had dreams about that very thing.

"Ugh," he repeated. He was doing it again.

Maybe it was time he admitted to himself that while the kiss on the train had been the catalyst of his recognition of these desires, they had been building slowly in the background for at least a year already.

Frustrated, Sheldon sat up, abandoning all attempts to control his thoughts. It simply would not work—not this time. Instead, he began typing again, conducting a new search, this one for things that women enjoyed. Maybe if he could find one simple act he could perform with Amy that would fulfill her desire for physical intimacy, it would be enough. She would be satisfied and he could get this out of his brain once and for all.

"Let's see…kissing techniques…don't need them. Sexual positions…_not_ going _there_. Cunnalingus …?"

The word seemed somehow familiar to him, and yet even with his incredible memory, he could not quite place it. His curiosity winning out, Sheldon clicked on the link, read over the first paragraph…and then threw the laptop across the bed in horror.

"Oh, good _lord_!"

A moment later, there was a knock at his door.

"Sheldon, you okay in there?" It was Leonard.

Sheldon had drawn his knees up to his chest in a feeble attempt to protect himself from the terrors that were described in hideous detail on the screen before him. He wrapped his arms around himself, digging his fingers into his shins as he once again attempted to gain control of his breathing.

"I…I'm fine," he called.

"All right," Leonard said after a pause. "Well, I was going to go meet Raj and Stuart and go to a movie if you're interested in joining us."

"Oh, uh…no thank you! It's 7:30 and I have to do laundry in less than an hour."

"Right. Okay then. See you later."

He strained his ears, listening until he was satisfied that Leonard's footsteps had traveled across the apartment, and the door had opened and closed, leaving him alone. Then he lay back against the pillow, staring at the ceiling for a long time, helpless and confused and scared.

An indeterminable amount of time had passed when he finally roused himself and sat up to glance at his bedside clock. 8:10. He only had five minutes until his regular laundry schedule would be thrown out of whack. And he hadn't even pre-sorted yet. Jumping up, he was grateful that he had a task to devote himself to that would help alleviate his increasingly disturbing train of thought.

He dug through his hamper, pulling out t-shirts and pants and underwear, and tossing them into his basket. There was no time to go through them now; he would have to sort them as he filled the machines.

He hurried through the living room, not pausing until he had made it out into the hall and was about to trot down the stairs toward the basement. It was a loud series of giggles coming from behind the door of the apartment across the hall that made him pause. Girl's night. He had almost forgotten about it. His girlfriend was in there, just feet away from him. He pictured her sitting there on Penny's couch, wine glass in hand, the hem of her skirt having ridden a few inches up her thighs. He pictured her in a striped cardigan and floral blouse, her long hair pulled away from her face with a sensible barrette. Without thinking, Sheldon set the basket down and inched closer to the door, hoping to catch a hint of her voice.

"So have you told him about Gerard?" Penny was asking.

Amy gasped. "What? No! Of _course_ not!"

"I wonder how he would react if he ever found out," came Bernadette's high-pitched soprano.

"Knowing Sheldon," Penny laughed, "he would be completely _scandalized_."

More giggles flooded the apartment, and Sheldon frowned, annoyed. He didn't really care what they thought of him, but he also didn't appreciate the jokes at his expense. And who was this Gerard person anyway?

"Please," Amy pleaded, not sounding nearly as mirthful as her two friends. "Can we just change the subject?"

"Sorry," Penny soothed. "I really do think you should try what we told you though."

"I don't know. I don't think Sheldon would appreciate that."

"Come on, Ames. You've been saying for a while now how you wish he would make a move. Maybe if you made one first, his man parts would finally wake up and realize what they're missing."

Amy sighed. "You don't understand. While it's true that I wish we could move forward, I don't want to do anything that would make him uncomfortable. Sheldon doesn't react well to force…or to surprises. And I would never do anything to upset him. If and when we get to that point, it will be because it's what we both want, not because I strong-armed him into it."

"And what if he never gets there," Bernadette asked.

Sheldon leaned a bit closer, desperate to hear Amy's answer. The silence that lingered seemed to stretch on into infinity until he thought he would pass out from the tension.

"Then he doesn't," she answered at last.

Sheldon's shoulders sagged with relief at the conviction in her voice, yet his body remained rigid with anticipation as he waited for what would come next.

"So you mean…you'll just _accept_ that?" There was a hint of incredulity in Penny's tone. "Can you honestly say you would really be happy without him _ever_ touching you?"

"Oh, he's touched me plenty," Amy insisted.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."

Another long moment of silence ensued, and when she spoke again, her voice was quieter.

"I admit that it wouldn't be ideal. I want so much more with him, and it's hard sometimes. But he's the man I've chosen to be with, and I care about him. If he's never comfortable with getting physical, then yes, I'll have to accept that."

"Wow," Bernadette breathed. "You're the most patient woman I know."

"Yeah," Penny agreed. "I don't think anyone else would have stuck around this long."

"I wonder if Sheldon even knows how lucky he really is," Bernadette added. "Although, knowing him, he's probably oblivious."

"Now hang on," Amy's voice rose with a hint of defensiveness, and her friends grew quiet. "Sheldon may not be overly affectionate, but that doesn't mean he's _completely _clueless. He does try sometimes. He holds my hand at the movies."

"Yeah, wow," Penny said in a tone that made Sheldon imagine her rolling her eyes.

"Isn't that because you _make_ him?" Bernadette added.

"_And_ he kissed me on Valentine's Day," Amy reminded them, "and that was all _him_."

"True," Penny conceded. "But has he kissed you _since_?"

It was quiet again. After several long seconds, a chorus of gasps sounded from behind the door, and Sheldon felt his cheeks grow warm.

"He kissed you _again_?" Bernadette squealed. "I would have never thought! It's obvious he liked it then. So maybe there _is_ still hope—"

"Yes," Amy confirmed. "I would say he most assuredly enjoys kissing me. In fact, just the other night, after a rather intense make-out session, we wrote it into the Relationship Agreement—on _his _suggestion."

"Wow." This time Penny sounded impressed. "That's a pretty big step for Sheldon. You know…I bet we could get him even _more_ interested…"

"What do you mean?"

"We could go shopping. Buy you some new clothes…"

"What's wrong with my normal clothes?"

"Nothing," Bernadette said quickly. "It's just that they're…"

"Concealing," Penny finished.

"And just a little bit…"

"Dumpy."

"And unflattering."

"And boring."

"Okay, okay," Amy groaned. "I get your point."

"Sorry," Bernadette murmured. "We didn't mean to insult you, it's just…men are visual creatures."

"Yeah," Penny agreed. "I bet if we could get you into something a little more fitted and figure flattering, Sheldon wouldn't have any option _but_ to notice you."

Amy sounded hesitant. "I don't know…Sheldon isn't like other guys. I really doubt he'd notice."

"Oh, come on Amy!"

"Yeah, let us give you a make-over!"

Sheldon had heard enough. Amy had already suffered too much badgering and influence at the hands of those nosey, gibbering female companions of hers. Raising his fist, he made his presence known.

_Knock, knock, knock._ "Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock._ "Amy?"

_Knock, knock, knock._ "Bernadette?"

The voices within hushed and a moment later the door swung open to reveal his blonde neighbor standing before him.

"Sheldon," she greeted. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

He stepped just within the entrance and lingered in the doorway. Then, in his haughtiest timbre, he announced, "I just thought I should inform you all that you might want to lower your voices, as all that clucking carries through the door easily and out into the hall. You never know _who_ might be walking by and happen to overhear your insults and devious plotting."

They stared at him with wide-eyed guilt, and he took note of the crimson hue that had spread over his girlfriend's face.

"And for the record, Amy looks _just fine_ as she is."

With that, he left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

"Amy, come on, he's fine."

"No, Penny, Sheldon is upset. I'm going to go talk to him."

"But what about the bar," Bernadette asked.

"I'm sorry," Amy shook her head and regarded her two friends, "but my boyfriend isn't happy and it's kind of your fault. Why don't you two just go on without me."

Turning away from them, she banged on the door of 4A.

"Sheldon," she called. "Sheldon, please let me in!"

After a long pause with no answer, she knocked again. "Sheldon? I want to talk to you!"

A moment later, the door opened just enough to reveal the tall physicist, who glowered at the two girls standing behind her.

"I guess we should go," Bernadette murmured.

"Yeah," Penny agreed. "See you later, Ames."

Once they had disappeared down the stairs, Sheldon turned his attention to Amy.

"Well…? What do you want to talk about?"

Amy steeled herself for the oncoming sulking session.

"Can I come in?"

He stood aside to allow her entrance and then shut the door behind them. Amy waited for him to join her on the couch before speaking.

"Sheldon, I'm sorry for what you may have overheard."

"Why? It wasn't _you_ saying those things. But your gal pals need to learn to mind their own business."

"I'm starting to think you're right," Amy admitted. "But they _do_ mean well."

"By telling you to maul me against my will, and trying to get you to change who you are?"

"They were just trying to be helpful."

"How on _earth_ is that helpful?" Sheldon flashed her a frown of aggravation. "And more to the point, I would thank you to be careful what you reveal to them from now on. What business is it of theirs what we have or haven't done together? They're not in this relationship."

"I'm sorry," she said again. "It's just…sometimes I need someone to talk to, and they're the only friends I have."

"_I'm _your friend, Amy. Since when can't you talk to _me_?"

"Sheldon, sometimes there are just things that are easier to talk to other females about. Especially when it comes to topics I know would distress you."

"That never used to be the case," he insisted. "We used to be able to talk openly."

"We still can, Sheldon. We _do_. It's just…" She swallowed, unsure if she should voice what she was really thinking. But Sheldon _had_ just said he wanted her to be candid with him. "Would you really want to listen to me tell you all about my sexual frustrations?"

He pondered that for a moment. "It's not like we haven't done that before. You told me about that time when you were attracted to Zack. We even listed all of your symptoms and came up with possible diagnoses for your predicament."

"Yes. But that was when we were still just friends. You're my boyfriend now."

"All the more reason you should be able to speak to me."

"Even if the frustrations and urges I'm feeling involve _you_?"

Sheldon swallowed. "Oh. I hadn't really thought about that."

Amy sighed. "Sheldon, I would be happy to tell you exactly how I'm feeling. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable. You already know about my desire for more physical affection. But I know you're not ready for that, and I don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you into things."

He licked his lips, and Amy watched entranced as his tongue ran over the soft flesh. "While I appreciate the sentiment, you keep telling me that we should be honest with each other and not play games. If that's the case, then I think it should apply to _all _areas of our relationship."

Amy was, quite frankly, shocked to hear him say that. "You're sure about this?"

"Yes. And I think our friends—no matter how well intended—need to stay out of it."

She nodded. "Okay. Agreed. I promise from now on I'll tell you when something is on my mind. As long as you promise to do the same."

"Agreed."

Although she was still a bit hesitant at the idea of sharing certain things with Sheldon, she also felt relieved. His insistence touched her as well. It showed that he cared about—and actually wanted to be made aware of—her emotions, which was completely unexpected of him.

"Shall I make you a cup of tea," he asked, rising and moving toward the kitchen.

"I would like that, thank you."

She followed him and took a seat at the island, watching as he filled the kettle with water and set it on the burner to boil. She stared with fascination at the way the muscles in his back moved beneath his double layer of shirts as he worked, wondering what they looked like without all that fabric covering them.

It wasn't until he turned to face her suddenly that she mentally shook herself out of her stupor.

"Amy, who's Gerard?"

She nearly fell off her stool.

"Umm…what?" She gaped at him, her heart leaping into her throat.

"Who is Gerard," Sheldon repeated, pressing his hands against the countertop and leaning toward her. There was an accusing glint in his eyes. "Is he a co-worker of yours?"

"I…"

"Amy…are you _sleeping _with this man?"

She choked on her own saliva and began to cough. Seeing her distress, Sheldon threw the cabinet open, filled a glass with water and thrust it in her direction. She gulped it greedily, taking her time as she wracked her brain for a suitable answer. Of all the things he had to overhear, why did it have to be that one?

"Amy?" Sheldon prodded, his expression of concern morphing once more into a scowl of allegation. "You didn't answer my question."

"No," she said. "Well, I mean, I guess in a manner of speaking…"

"_Amy_!" Sheldon's voice raised three octaves, his face a mask of horrified betrayal. "How could—why would you—I can't believe you would _do_ that to me!"

"Sheldon…"

"No," he mumbled to himself, tugging at his hair. "No…this can't be happening…"

"Sheldon, listen—"

"I move we terminate the Relationship Agreement immediately."

Of all the things she had been expecting next, that had not been one of them. Her surprise rendered her mute, and she found herself helpless to do anything but stare at him in shocked silence.

Her boyfriend stormed past her toward his desk, presumably to pull up the document that very moment and render it moot. Amy snapped out of her daze at this realization and latched onto his wrist, halting him in his tracks. Sheldon allowed himself to be caught, but his shoulders were slumped, his breath ragged, and he kept his back toward her.

"Sheldon," she said softly, "You've misunderstood. Come back here and sit down so I can explain."

"I don't see what there is to explain." He turned to look at her at last, searching her face. "Just tell me who he is."

"It's…not easy to talk about…"

"Do you work with him?" Sheldon was unrelenting. His face was so close to hers now, she could feel his hot breath on her skin. It would have been erotic had he not been so angry.

She shook her head, biting back the embarrassment that continued to rise within her at the prospect of having to out herself to her boyfriend. "No. Gerard isn't a man…"

Sheldon's eyes looked like they were about to bug right out of his head. "You're having coitus with one of your _lab monkeys_?!"

"_Sheldon!_" Amy's jaw dropped open. "Good god, no! How could ever think I would—with a _monkey_? _Really_?"

"I'm not around you twenty-four/seven. Who knows what you get up to when I'm not around? Obviously I have no idea since apparently all this time you've been having an affair—"

"I am _not_ having an affair!"

"You admitted you had coitus—"

"I never said that!"

"Okay, _sleeping with_, which equates to the same thing!"

Amy wracked her brain for a way to explain this—something that wouldn't completely mortify her in the process.

"I demand to know who he is!"

"Sheldon, he's not a man _or _a monkey. He's…it's…"

His gaze was so intense it made her want to slink down off her seat and melt into the cracks in the floor.

"Gerard…is an electric toothbrush." Amy hung her head in shame.

Her boyfriend stared at her for a long time, the deep lines in his forehead softening to crinkles of confusion. He cocked his head, studying her as if she were one of his many equations teasing him relentlessly until he was at last able to solve it.

"Amy, while I appreciate your level of commitment to proper hygiene, it seems completely preposterous to actually sleep with a toothbrush."

She swallowed and shut her eyes, unwilling to witness whatever expression crossed his face at her next words. "Sheldon…sometimes when a woman has unfulfilled needs, she's forced to get…creative."

There was no response. Eventually, she lifted her head to sneak a peek at his face, and found him frowning, his gaze roaming over her as he tried to piece together this strange puzzle.

"I don't get it."

"Sheldon...I'm referring to physical intimacy."

"Oh," he said. "_Oh_!" Now it was his turn to stare at her in slack-jawed astonishment, and her face grew hot with humiliation.

"But wait," he continued, his voice filled with eager curiosity. "I don't understand. How does brushing one's teeth fulfill that requirement?"

"It doesn't."

"Then what—"

"It isn't _for _my _teeth_."

He took a step back then to gaze at her fully, taking in the mortified expression she knew was painted all over her face. She could almost see the gears turning inside that brilliant brain of his.

"So you're saying—oh my."

Amy bit her lips and nodded, confirming what she knew he had worked out for himself. She couldn't bring herself to speak, not now. Her throat had gone dry and her voice had completely eluded her.

Just then, the kettle began to whistle, and he finally turned away from her. Amy let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding, her shoulders slumping with relief. Still she felt on edge as she watched him busy himself with the cups and teabags. She scanned her mind desperately, searching for a new topic to discuss.

At last, Sheldon handed her beverage to her and sank down next to her, staring into his own teacup. The two of them drank in companionable silence for a long while. Amy's embarrassment hadn't faded. In fact, it only grew increasingly worse the longer the quiet stretched out between them. Her only solace was that she had something with which to keep her hands and mouth occupied for the next several minutes.

"Wait a minute," Sheldon gasped beside her. Against her better judgment she spared a glance at his face which was gazing at her with shocked recognition. "That night when I was complaining to you about my lack of a haircut and you were spouting that nonsense about letting it grow long and riding a horse…you said you were going to brush your teeth…"

Amy bit her lip and stared down at her lap, a jolt of shame stabbing through her once more.

"_Amy_!"

She knew she was chewing her lip raw, but she couldn't help her nervous energy. A quick glance revealed a thunderstruck Sheldon whose expression slowly transformed into one of amusement as he closed his mouth and his lips curled into a small smile.

"Oh, god," she groaned and buried her face in her hands.

It was only his breathy laughter that drew her from the depths of her humiliation.

"Quit laughing at me."

Sheldon shook his head, his entire face lit up in a smile. "How long has this scandalous affair been going on now, Amy? Don't make me have to spank you again."

She snapped her head up at those words, and stared at him agape. Her heart felt as though it would burst through her ribcage at any moment. "What did you say?"

"I…" Sheldon glanced away from her, his cheeks coloring a deep crimson. "I didn't mean it that way…"

"Too bad," she purred, recovering herself. She leaned in close to him and wet her lips. "And here I thought I might finally be able to break up with Gerard after all."

Sheldon's throat worked as he swallowed hard, his eyes still diverted from hers. Then in a swift movement, he rose to take his cup to the sink. "Vixen," he murmured.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Tonight's episode (7x20) gave me some wicked ideas for this story, so hopefully I can implement them next chapter. By the way, did anyone else notice the state Sheldon woke up in? I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen the episode yet, but I found it very telling, if you get my meaning. ;) This is a long chapter, and it fought me every step of the way. Apologies ahead of time for how cliché this gets. Also, Sheldon and Amy foiled a few plans I had for them in this one, so I'll have to explore those later in the story. That's the way it goes sometimes when you're writing, I guess. Thanks again for all the awesome reviews! You guys rock!

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Three**

"_I know it may not seem like it to you, but to me, what we have is extremely intimate." – Sheldon Cooper, The Love Spell Potential_

_Knock, knock, knock. _"Amy?"

_Knock, knock, knock. _"Amy?"

_Knock, knock, knock. _"Amy?"

There was no answer. Sheldon tested the handle and found it unlocked. Slowly he twisted it and pushed the door open, peeking his head inside. The room was dimly illuminated. Her desktop lamp cast golden light over a neat stack of paperwork, the blank screen of her computer monitor and the knickknacks she kept near her keyboard.

"Amy," he called again. Still no response. Disenchanted with the notion of standing outside in the corridor all evening, he let himself in, closing the door with a soft click.

When he turned around again, she appeared before him, standing in the entrance to the hallway. Her shadowed frame looked the same as always but there was something different about her he couldn't quite place. She was dressed in one of her typical outfits of pencil skirt, long sleeved blouse and sleeveless cardigan, her hair falling straight past her shoulders. It was her body language that was distinctive. Her right hand rested on a cocked hip, the left side of her body pressed up against the doorframe, arm stretched high over her head. There was a look in her eyes that made him uneasy, and when he dared to trail his gaze lower, he was surprised to see the glimmer of gloss on her lips.

"Sheldon," she purred. "To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"

He swallowed as he allowed his gaze to sweep over her, noticing now how the clothing she wore clung to her silhouette a bit tighter than usual, leaving little of her shape to the imagination. He could see the definition of her waist, the way her hips curved outward, shapely and smooth. He found himself wanting to rest his hands there, to pull her close and capture her lips with a kiss.

"I…I don't know," he mumbled, for once in his life, at a complete loss for words.

"Well…" she licked her lips seductively, and Sheldon found his tongue mimicking her movements, darting out to wet his own. "Luckily, I have a few ideas about what we could do together."

He stood frozen in place as she pushed away from the wall and moved toward him, like a lioness stalking her prey. As she drew near, he could smell the jasmine of her shampoo, the mint of her toothpaste. He allowed his eyes to fall shut as she pressed against him, wrapping her arms around him and tugging him close. She rose up onto her tiptoes, her lips caressing his ear.

"I want to touch you," she whispered, her hot breath washing over him and causing him to shiver.

Sheldon groaned in response, not daring to open his eyes.

"I want to explore your body with my hands."

He hitched his breath at the first tentative stroke, her fingers trailing a hot path down his throat and over his chest. Her touch burned even through the double layer of his t-shirts.

"I want to bring you pleasure," she cooed, her hands finding the waistband of his pants. "To show you what you've been missing."

_This is wrong_, he told himself, but he couldn't will himself to pull away. He made no move to stop her.

Slowly the zipper of his fly was drawn downward, and he swallowed against the sensation. He gasped as he felt her fingertips graze over his straining flesh, only his underwear now separating them from the most intimate of embraces.

"Amy," he moaned. "Please, Amy…yes….oh god, yes!"

Her fingers gripped him through the thin layer of fabric, and he nearly lost it right then and there.

"_Amy_!"

Sheldon sat bolt upright, gasping for breath. He was awash in darkness, and it took him a moment to regain his bearings. He was no longer in Amy's apartment, but in his own bed, his fingers curled tightly around the sheets and his brow bathed in sweat.

"Oh god," he whispered. Another dream. They were coming more and more frequently now. But the sensations—the sights, the sounds, the feel of her hands…it had all been so vivid this time. How often had he imagined what it might feel like for her to touch him that way? The thought frightened him, but he could no longer deny that it intrigued him as well. He knew intrinsically that this was perverse. His baser urges had taken over once again, crowding out any traces of intelligent thought or restraint. Again he chided himself that this could not continue. And yet no matter how much research or soul searching or consulting of his mental encyclopedia, he could not think of a single way to combat this aside from the obvious—he was going to have to give in.

But could he? Could he actually bring himself to succumb to this untamed power? Amy had made it clear once again that she would be a more than willing participant. But giving in meant allowing himself to be vulnerable, turning his back on self control, relinquishing his thoughts and actions to the supremacy of lust. It seemed an impossible and unsavory endeavor.

Right now though, all that seemed to matter was the incredible ache between his legs. Briefly, he considered rushing to the bathroom to take a shower, where he could implement a temporary solution to this problem under the clean spray of the water. But no. He was determined that he would _not_ give in to the notion of self abuse. That was one thing he still had control over, and he would resist it for as long as humanly possible.

Sheldon glanced at his clock. It was 5:43 in the morning. This unexpected chain of events had broken his REM cycle and had interfered with his usual Saturday schedule. He briefly considered trying to go back to sleep, but he knew the attempt would prove futile. Besides, he feared the dreams would return, and he didn't think he could cope with that again.

It had been a week since he had last seen Amy, and he had to admit he missed her. He had made up an excuse for his absence, telling her he was close to a breakthrough at CalTech and would be working late. He felt terrible for lying to her; he had always hated such deceit. The only factor that had rendered him halfway capable of the act was that he hadn't had to look her in the eyes. They had agreed to be honest with each other, and here he was, hiding from her like a coward.

Their conversation the previous weekend had given him a lot to think about, and he found it easier to concentrate when she wasn't in his presence. That was…until nighttime came and his imagination kicked into overdrive. He had hypothesized that some distance between them might help with that too. In actuality, it had only seemed to make things worse. His guilt and need for her companionship winning out, he decided it was time to break the fast. He reached for his phone on the bedside table and typed a quick message.

_-Good morning, Amy. I hope you are well. I was wondering if you'd like to come over today. I thought we could have lunch and maybe watch a DVD.-_

He was surprised when his phone chimed less than a minute later, indicating her response.

_-Good morning, Sheldon! Yes, I would like that. I can be there around 11:30.-_

He had to wonder why she was up this early. Could it be possible that thoughts of him were keeping her awake as well?

-_Great. See you then.-_

With that, he set the phone down and lay back on the mattress, mustering all of his will-power to combat the urgent need of his anatomy. Sheldon closed his eyes, picturing things he found ire-inducing or off-putting—Barry Kripke, Greek food, loop quantum gravity, Babylon 5, Howard sitting naked in his spot… Slowly, the pressure began to ease, and he breathed deeply until his heart rate slowed and his body relaxed, reverting to its orderly state at last.

* * *

It was a bit awkward, Amy reflected, sitting here on the couch in Sheldon's apartment while they ate lunch with Leonard and Penny. She hadn't talked to Penny since their failed girl's night and she caught her bestie stealing glances at her all through the meal. Even more uncomfortable was the way her boyfriend was avoiding her gaze and concentrating far too intently on his tangerine chicken. Not for the first time that week, she found herself wondering if she had done something wrong. She panicked at the thought that her revelation about Gerard might have scared him away. But then she remembered how his face had broken into an amused grin and how he had teased her so playfully. Besides, he had invited her here today without provocation, so she told herself she was just being foolish.

Penny was staring at her again, and Amy turned to regard her, offering her a small, close-lipped smile. The blonde smiled back before returning her attention to her food. Leonard, seeming to notice the tension in the air, broke the silence.

"Is everything okay, Amy? We haven't seen you around here for the past few days."

"Oh, yes," Amy assured. "Sheldon and I have both just been busy with work." She wasn't certain her boyfriend had been completely honest with her about that. In fact, as the week had dragged on, she had begun to think he was avoiding her. Her own job had been stressful, but she had made it home by six o'clock every evening and could have taken the time to meet with them for dinner on most nights. She had never been one to intrude on Sheldon when he needed his space though, and if she was honest with herself, it had taken a few days to get over her aggravation at her two best friends. She loved Penny and Bernadette; they were the first real companions she had ever had aside from Sheldon, and she knew they meant well. But their words had stung nonetheless.

Of _course _it had occurred to her to try dressing differently to attract Sheldon's attention. She had witnessed first-hand the impact some of Penny's sexier dresses had made on Leonard. But it simply wasn't her. And despite the fact that she had been an outcast most of her life, she had come to accept—even _like_—herself the way she was. While it was true that she had formulated her current style years ago as a defense mechanism, it was an ingrained part of her now. She was comfortable like this. She was in her element. She felt safe. The insinuation that Sheldon might find her unattractive—that part of his hesitation to evolve their relationship into the physical realm had to do with her appearance—hurt her deeply. He had never seemed to care one way or the other how she was dressed, or whether she did her hair. And the only time he had ever commented on her makeup was when he had told her the lip gloss she used to wear had made her lips look too slippery.

She had always thought that he had been more interested in her brain than in her image. He had insisted for so long that theirs was a relationship of the mind. When he had come to her defense the other night, his words had confirmed that fact, but a nagging voice kept reminding her that he had said she looked "just fine". Not great, not beautiful, not sexy, but fine. Whether Sheldon was even _capable_ of telling her she was attractive was another matter entirely.

Amy was well aware that she wasn't as pretty or as thin as her two besties. She had always been the ugly duckling growing up. While the other girls were going on dates and hitting the mall for the latest fashions, she was sitting alone with her head buried in a book. Hardly anyone looked at her twice, and those who did had been extremely cruel. She remembered being taunted in the locker room over her slowly developing body, how the girls had stolen her bra and run it up the flagpole so everyone could see the padded A cups she used to sport under the trendy tank tops and t-shirts she had tried to wear to fit in. Her knuckles still itched sometimes when she recalled the incident with the Rogaine in her lotion. Once, a boy had been dared to kiss her, and he had opted to let the entire class give him severe indian burns all over his arms instead of being forced to lock lips with her. Amy was used to being the brunt of the joke; it had always been that way.

That's why when their social group had tried to make her and Sheldon act out a love fantasy with dice, she had run away. She hated that these people she admired and trusted had thrown their non-existent sex life back in her face. It had wounded her more than they could know. But yet again, Sheldon had stepped up and had assured her that to him, what the two of them had together was special.

When she thought about it, she had to agree. Despite the fact that she ached for more, that she longed to have the sort of easy physicality Penny and Bernadette seemed to share with Leonard and Howard, there was a part of her that knew that she and Sheldon had something better than lust. Something deeper. Something lasting. What was it he had said to her? _"Until I met you, I had no interest in being intimate with _anyone_."_ She was the only one Sheldon had ever wanted. That truth helped soothe the sting.

It was so ironic how once she would have never even considered dating a man. She had erected so many shields around her heart, she had convinced herself that she'd had no need for romantic love. But as her friendship with Sheldon flourished, she felt those defenses lowering more and more until they had completely crumbled. She'd found in him companionship, mutual admiration, camaraderie, understanding, and a level of comfort she had never had with anyone else. It was as if they were magnets—both of them analytical, intelligent, inexperienced, socially awkward. Yet they were different from one another as well. He was the north pole and she the south. Their opposite forces drew them closer, attracting them inexplicably toward one another and completing each other in the best way possible.

As she had allowed friendship into her life, she had become more emotional and had let the opinions of others sway her more. She trusted Penny and Bernadette to help guide her through the nuances of life, since she had such little experience herself. But Sheldon had remained constant, only letting a select few catch a glimpse of the true person that dwelled within, and then only at very exact moments. She _adored_ Sheldon Cooper, and she cherished the knowledge that she had been the only one he considered his true equal, the one who he engaged in secret conversations with that only the two of them understood, that sometimes words were not necessary to convey what one of them was thinking. She was the only one Sheldon had ever wanted to kiss, the only woman he had ever let so intrinsically into his life.

"Well, it's good to see you again," Leonard told her, drawing her from her thoughts. "Sheldon's been rather cranky all week—even more so than usual. So in other words, it's been hell around here. I'm sure your presence in the apartment will do us _all_ some good."

Sheldon glared at his roommate, but said nothing.

"It's good to see you too, Leonard," she said with sincerity.

When Amy noticed that Penny had risen and started gathering their take-out containers, she followed suit, scooping up Sheldon's empty dish with her own.

"Thank you." He smiled up at her, meeting her gaze for the first time since she'd arrived, and she felt her heart constrict. It amazed her sometimes how such a simple gesture could hold such power over her. She stood entranced for a moment, her eyes locked with his until—realizing Leonard was watching them—she managed to break the contact and draw herself away to the kitchen.

Penny glanced at her uncertainly as she approached. "How's it going, Ames? I've missed hanging out lately."

Amy couldn't help but smile as she tossed the empty trays into the trash. "I've missed you too," she admitted.

"Look, I'm sorry for—"

"Forget it. No need to apologize. I know you were only trying to help."

"Still…I shouldn't have said what I did. It came out all wrong. Bernadette feels really bad about it too."

"It's all right. I know you weren't trying to be cruel. It's just…the things you said kind of reminded me of my high school days, which believe me, are memories better left in the past."

"I hope you know we didn't mean anything by it."

"I do. And in any case, it was a good segue for a much needed discussion between Sheldon and me."

"So the two of you are okay?"

"Yes, everything's fine. At least…I think it is."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…things seemed great when I left on Saturday, but aside from a few text messages, he hasn't really spoken to me all week."

"That's weird. He hasn't said anything about it to me or Leonard. Not that he _would_ after the other night."

"I'm sure it's fine," she said again, more for her own benefit than for Penny's. "I'm hoping we'll get a bit of alone time today though so I can make sure he's okay."

"I'll get Leonard out of your hair for a few hours," her friend said knowingly.

"You don't have to do that."

"Consider it my way of making up for last weekend."

"Thank you, Penny."

"Hey, what are besties for?"

They walked back to the living room together, and Amy just had time to sit down before Penny announced, "Come on, Leonard, we're going to my apartment."

He gazed up at her in confusion. "We are?"

"Yeah. We have that…movie to watch, remember?"

"We do?"

"_Yeees. _Come on, you remember _that movie _we agreed to watch…?" Penny gave him a pointed look, and at last Leonard caught on.

"Ohhh…right! That _movie._ Yeah, let's go."

They walked through the door together and Leonard glanced back at them, flashing a smile. "Well, see you both later."

"What time will you be back," Sheldon asked.

Penny and Leonard exchanged glances.

"Umm…I think I'll just spend the night at Penny's."

Sheldon nodded. "All right. See you in the morning then."

As the two of them left the apartment, Amy made a mental note to buy Penny a thank you gift. Maybe she would take her shopping this time to ensure her friend would appreciate the present and avoid a repeat of the painting debacle.

The ensuing silence stretched on for a long while, and Amy found herself drumming her fingers on her knees. She usually enjoyed the moments of quiet that passed between them, as they indicated the level of comfort the two of them shared. This time, though, it brought with it a hint of uneasiness.

"So…" she tried after another few minutes had passed. "Did you have a particular movie in mind for today?"

Sheldon jumped as though her voice had drawn him from a deep reverie. "Oh…umm…right. I was thinking maybe…The Empire Strikes Back?"

Amy sighed. "Sheldon, we've seen that like a million times."

"That is literally impossible. Considering the fact that the length of the movie is precisely one hundred and twenty-four minutes, and there are one thousand, four hundred and forty minutes in a day, that means that the movie could only be viewed 11.612 times in a twenty-four hour period. _Meaning_, that in order to have viewed said film one million times, it would take a person just under eighty-six thousand, one hundred and eighteen days. Even if I lived to be one hundred years old, that would only get me to thirty-six thousand, five hundred times, and that's only if I watched it consistently back to back since my time of birth, not factoring in bathroom breaks, proper hygiene habits, meal breaks, or any of the other menial yet necessary tasks one must perform for daily functionality and survival. And if we consider the extended version, which has an extra three minutes of footage—"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Amy threw up her hands in surrender. "My _point_ is, I thought we could try watching something your television hasn't played so often that the imagery has been permanently burned into the screen."

He gave her a look of derision at that comment, but apparently decided not to argue his case.

"Fine," he said instead. "Like what?"

"I dunno…how about The Hunger Games?"

"An engaging storyline and suspenseful plot, but unfortunately, neither Leonard nor I own a copy."

"We could go rent one."

"_Or_ we could save ourselves a trip and watch something we already have. Besides, the book is better."

"Okay…" Amy knelt onto the floor and started going through their DVD collection.

"Ooh, how about Serenity?" Sheldon suggested.

"Not in the mood. Harry Potter?"

"Sure, but which one? Actually, scratch that. In order to really get into those movies, I have to watch them one after the other in succession. I don't think we have sixteen plus hours to devote to the endeavor. How about The Dark Knight?"

"Avatar?"

"The Avengers."

"Hmm…well, Thor _is_ kinda hot…"

"Okay, so not that either," Sheldon grumped.

"How about we skip the movie and do something else? We could play a game."

"Okay. You want to play Risk?"

"You always beat me at that."

"Which is a good enough reason as any."

"Sheldon…"

"Okay, fine. Monopoly?"

"Takes too long."

"Klingon Boggle?"

"How about something simpler?" An idea was starting to form in the back of Amy's mind. "Let's play Truth or Dare."

"Truth or Dare, Amy? _Really_? That's a game for thirteen year old girls."

"That may be, but I think we could make it fun."

"All right," Sheldon scoffed, "I give. What's the punch line?"

"I wasn't joking." Deciding it was time to give her boyfriend another of those gentle nudges she was so good at, she pressed on. "In the spirit of full disclosure, like we discussed the other night, I say we make a little wager out of it."

"I'm listening. What do you propose?"

Amy knew Sheldon could never back down from a challenge. "I propose we start out simple, staying within our comfort zones and working our way from there. You can back out at any time, but whoever does so first is the loser."

Sheldon frowned, thinking it over. He didn't look too pleased at the idea, but neither did he seem willing to deny the challenge now that it had been presented to him.

"Please?" She flashed him her most innocent smile, the one she knew he was hard-pressed to resist.

He folded his arms across his chest. "Fine," he said with a dramatic roll of his eyes.

Amy could barely contain her excitement. "Great. You can go first."

They sat together on the couch again, facing one another.

"All right, Amy, truth or dare?"

She thought for a moment. "Truth."

"What exactly did Penny and Bernadette suggest you do to me during your conversation last week? Be _specific._"

"Oh. Umm…" For some reason, she hadn't expected that. "Well…they told me that I should—in no uncertain terms—sneak into your bedroom at night, _completely naked_, pin you down in your sleep, and have my wicked way with you."

Sheldon gaped at her, incredulity etched into every feature. "_What_? Penny told me it was all just innocent fun. She lied to me. I _knew_ it!"

Amy couldn't help the devilish grin that crept across her face. "Bazinga."

Sheldon's jaw dropped open. "Oh, come on, Amy! Be serious!"

"Sorry, sorry," she laughed. "I couldn't resist."

He glared at her in disapproval. "That was mean and uncalled for."

"You're right. I'm sorry," she said again, reigning in her mirth. "The truth is, they suggested I wear some sexy lingerie under my clothes, and then find some kind of creative way to…_flash_ it at you when you weren't expecting it." Her cheeks heated at the confession.

"Oh. Well, that's not _as _bad. But still—"

"They also said that if that earned any sort of reaction, I should make a move on you."

He looked aghast again. "What _kind _of move?"

Amy shrugged. "I don't know. It was at that point that I told them you wouldn't like that."

"An understatement to be sure."

His words brought with them a sting of rejection which she did her best to hide. It wasn't as though she would have been comfortable at the prospect of following through with something that racy herself, but the tiniest bit of enthusiasm from her boyfriend would have been nice.

When he said nothing further on the matter, she buried her disappointment and focused again on the game. "My turn. Truth or dare?"

Sheldon looked uncomfortable suddenly. Instead of answering, he pursed his lips and averted his gaze, staring off into the kitchen.

"Sheldon…?"

"Fine," he sighed. "Truth."

"Okay…why haven't I seen you all week?"

She studied his Adam's apple as it worked up and down in his throat.

"I told you already, I was busy with work and—"

"The _real_ reason, Sheldon."

The physicist captured his lower lip between his teeth, glancing at her face, and then looking away again. "I was avoiding you," he confessed.

Amy swallowed against the lump in her throat. "And why was that?"

"That's two questions."

"No, it isn't. I asked you why I hadn't seen you all week. Just saying you were avoiding me doesn't fully answer the question. I was specific with my response. I ask that you show me the same courtesy."

"All right," he sighed again. "I…I just needed some time to sort through…I mean, there are some things that have been on my mind, and I…I needed some time to myself."

"What kinds of things?"

"Why do you keep _pushing_ this Amy?" His voice came out as an angry whine, and he snapped his head in her direction, his gaze boring into her.

She knew she had pushed her luck. It was one thing to gently coax Sheldon, but another thing entirely to pry. "I'm sorry," she said, deciding it best to back off before this little game of hers ended too soon. "Let's just move on. It's your turn."

Sheldon stared at her for a moment, his facial muscles working as though he was debating saying something further. But in the end, he chose not to voice it and instead said, "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"How often have you…umm…" A rosy hue spread over Sheldon's cheeks and neck as he considered his wording. "How often have you…_dated_…Gerard in the past month?"

It was Amy's turn to stare wide-eyed, her face burning with embarrassment. "Umm…I…I don't know."

"Are you refusing to answer, Dr. Fowler?" There was a smug look on her boyfriend's face now, and she realized what he was up to. He was using shock value to get her to forfeit. Two could play at this game.

"No, I'm not refusing. The total is eight. Twice of which occurred last Saturday night after I left here."

He stared at her, gob-smacked, and she grinned at him in victory.

"Is this getting too intense for you, Dr. Cooper?" She teased. "Do you want to quit?"

He shook his head in defiance. "No. Proceed."

"All right, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

Amy bit her lip, fully aware she was about to cross another line, but really, it was only fair after that last question. She was determined to get an answer to the mystery that had burned through her imagination time and again since she and Sheldon had started dating. If he refused to answer, at least she'd have the consolation of winning the game.

Sheldon raised his eyebrows at her, staring at her pointedly, which did little to help her get the words out. "Amy? I'm waiting."

She exhaled. "Okay, well…just remember-you can refuse to answer at any time," she rambled, some of her confidence waning. "Have you ever…you know…touched yourself?"

There was a pause in which she dared to look at him, surprised at his steady, untroubled gaze.

"You mean masturbation."

Amy nodded, completely mute.

"Three times."

It was her turn to raise her eyebrows. "Really? Only _three_?"

"You look surprised."

"No. Yes. Well…kind of."

"Except for a very brief span during my adolescence, I've never really seen the point," he explained. "The first time was completely out of scientific curiosity when I was fourteen and in the throes of puberty. And when my endocrine system took over at fifteen, I attempted it twice more. It was messy and undignified, so I turned instead to Spock and adopted his practice of Kohlinar, which, as with everything else, I mastered rather quickly."

"But…I mean…you never had the desire to try it again? _Ever_?"

Sheldon shrugged. "I suppose there were a handful of instances as a teenager when I considered the prospect. But I kept control over myself. After all, I'm not a savage."

Amy stared down at her lap. "Is that what you think of _me_? That I'm a savage?"

"What?" His face wrinkled into a confused frown before realization dawned. "Oh. I didn't mean it that way."

"And what about those experiments I took part in which electronically stimulated the pleasure centers of my brain?"

"That was for _science._"

"At first, maybe. But Sheldon, one doesn't subject oneself to that kind of thing one hundred and twenty-eight times strictly for science alone."

He nodded as he thought it over. "I suppose I see your point. Although I still wouldn't consider that self-abuse necessarily. It wasn't as if you were touching yourself.

"So what about the rest of the times? Like last Saturday night?"

He stared at her again through wide eyes. "I…Amy, you know that's not what I meant."

No, she didn't know that. In fact, it had seemed to her like that was _exactly _what he had been referring to. But in the name of keeping the peace, she decided to let it go.

"Okay. Then ask me another question."

"Another truth? I'm starting to think maybe this game was incorrectly named."

"Perhaps," she said noncommittally. If she was honest with herself, she was starting to dread the idea of being forced to confess more facts about herself, especially since their questions had taken on quite a personal tone, and in a much quicker span of time than she had anticipated. But answering questions still seemed like the safer option for now.

"All right. Let's see…"

Sheldon thought it over for a moment, his cocky self-confidence seeming to waver as he began to ask his next question. His expression sobered into a look far too serious, and he turned to face her fully, staring into her eyes. The look that burned there was unnerving, and Amy found herself squirming beneath its weight.

"Do you ever…have unwelcome thoughts about me?"

She swallowed. "That depends. What do you mean by 'unwelcome'? Are you asking me if I ever fantasize about you, Sheldon?"

"That's one way of stating it," he said noncommittally.

"Well then, let's put it this way: when I commit my…savage acts…Gerard may be the one touching me, but you're the only one on my mind."

A harsh exhale escaped him, and he raised a hand to his temple, curling his fingers through his hair.

"Sheldon? Are you okay? Did I upset you? I didn't mean to—"

"No," he mumbled, yet he refused to look at her.

"Do you want to stop the game?" The inquiry was sincere this time, fueled by the panic that had arisen at upsetting him. "Let's stop now. We can do something else. We'll call it a tie."

"I don't…Amy, I don't know what to do."

There was a sudden desperation in his voice that took her completely off guard. She found herself helpless to do anything for a moment but sit there very still, examining the emotions that flashed across his face.

"What do you mean, Sheldon? What's going on?"

She drew closer to him, her hand hovering over his back as she debated whether she should try to comfort him. She opted instead to reach for his hand. Sheldon hitched his breath and gazed down at their joined palms for a moment, but made no move to pull away. He took a deep shuddering breath and let it out slowly before focusing his gaze on her.

"I..." he tried again. And then, with a rush, his voice rising an octave, he stammered, "I've-been-having-these-feelings-and-they're-scary-and-I-don't-know-what-to-do-about-them-this-isn't-normal-and-I-can't-control-it-and-I-don't-want-to-feel-this-way-and-I-need-you-to-help-me-fix-this."

His chest rose and fell dramatically with every breath as Amy sat there staring at him dumbly, trying to process what he'd just said. This was definitely not what she had been expecting when she suggested they play this game.

"You...wait, you're having abnormal feelings? I don't understand. Are you ill?"

"I had _hoped_ so…I really did."

"Sheldon, this isn't like you. You're scaring me."

"I don't know how this happened to me, I…oh god."

He pulled away from her then, threading his hands through his hair as he rocked back and forth. "Oh god...oh god..." he repeated, staring at his lap.

"Sheldon..." She touched his arm and he nearly jumped a foot in the air, scrabbling away from her, his eyes wide. He had never reacted that harshly when she'd touched him before, and in fact, had not seemed to mind her careful contact for quite some time. Therefore, this behavior took her by complete surprise. She wracked her brain for what she could have possibly done to make him respond this way, but came up empty. She swallowed her self-doubt at the sound of his labored gasps.

He was hyperventilating.

Amy jumped up from her seat and sprang into action. She ran to the kitchen and started pulling open drawers, digging through their contents until she found what she needed. She raced back to him and held out the paper lunch bag, making Sheldon take it.

"Breathe into the bag," she instructed.

Sheldon wasn't a novice at this, she knew, and he did what she requested without argument. She watched him with anticipation as he shut his eyes, the bag filling and then deflating over and over with the rise and fall of his chest and the cadence of his wheezing.

"Breathe from your belly," she encouraged. "Try to slow it down."

Gradually, his gasping eased and his body relaxed, and Sheldon lowered the bag at last, slumping back against the couch. Several long moments passed, and Amy sat close to him, studying his face and searching for signs of further distress.

"Thank you," he whispered, discarding the bag on the coffee table. Then he straightened in his seat and gazed down at his hands. "I'm sorry."

"Sheldon, there's no need to be sorry." She reached for him again, and then hesitated for a moment, her hand hovering awkwardly before she allowed it to rest on his shoulder. This time, he didn't jerk away. In fact, he reached up, laying his hand over hers and squeezed it gently.

"Amy, you're always so good to me."

"I'm your girlfriend," she smiled. "That's my job."

Sheldon nodded and stared off into the distance.

"You said you're having distressing feelings," she coaxed. "What's going on?"

The man swallowed before finally focusing his attention on her, a beseeching look in his gaze. "I have been experiencing some rather...distressing symptoms lately, and I'm unsure how to deal with them. Quite frankly, they're terrifying."

There came a stab of concern at those words. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Sheldon said nothing. Amy watched him with growing trepidation as his face began to twitch, first his eye and then his lips—a sure sign of stress. She was worried she would have to hand him the bag again to help him get himself under control.

"Sheldon?"

"I'm fine, I—" He met her gaze again, and brought her hand from its place on his shoulder down to his lap, clutching it tightly. "Amy," he sighed, a look of determination washing over his features. She knew he was willing himself to speak about something he was extremely uncomfortable with. She said nothing, just watched him, waiting in the silence that passed between them, knowing that he needed time to think over his words. "Ever since Valentine's Day, I've been desiring...feeling things that I'm not supposed to feel."

Her mouth went dry and she licked her lips, hoping against hope that he would keep talking, that he would finally say the words she had been yearning to hear for so long.

"I...I find myself wishing…wanting to—god, this is hard."

It was a fight to suppress the sudden hopeful euphoria that sprang into her chest. Had she been correct in her assumption? Was Sheldon actually trying to tell her that his feelings for her were growing? Could it be possible that their kiss had spurred deeper emotions? She forced herself to remember that this was Sheldon, and that she shouldn't get her hopes up too high. For all she knew, he could be describing something as inane as a cold he'd contracted afterward, ready to blame it on the germs they'd shared that night.

"You find yourself wanting to...?"

"Never mind, this is stupid." He jumped to his feet and hurried toward his bedroom. "I have a headache. I'm going to go lay down."

"Sheldon, wait." Amy was on her feet in seconds, and she headed him off, latching onto his arm before he could make his escape. "You said we should be open with each other. If you really meant that, then talk to me. _Please_."

He stared at his shoes, exhaling loudly. His face twitched again as he seemed to be fighting an internal battle. After a moment, he whispered, "Very well."

They sat once more, facing one another, and he took her hands again, as though they were the only things keeping him grounded. This was probably the most he had ever touched her, she reflected, and she tried to push her uneasiness aside to savor the moment.

"You remember when I said that I hadn't ruled it out." It was more of a statement than a question.

She nodded. She knew precisely to what he was referring. How could she ever forget?

"I meant it," he said, and the conviction in his expression made her heart constrict. "But...I didn't expect to feel this way this quickly. I...I thought I had more time."

"What exactly is it that you're feeling," she whispered.

Sheldon took a moment to gather his thoughts, shifting in his spot uncomfortably. "Something about kissing you that night...it started a chain of events...of thoughts and emotions that I'm not quite sure how to process. I find myself...wanting to do things that I've never wanted before. I can't stop thinking about kissing you. I've been picturing us doing more than that, and it's...it's _disturbing_."

That final statement was like a knife to the heart, dissolving some of the self-confidence that had begun to build up at his words. "Sheldon," she blurted suddenly, "am I ugly?"

He stared at her as if she had gone completely insane. "What on earth are you talking about?"

Amy shook her head, embarrassed that her insecurities had once again gotten the best of her.

He leaned in closer, forcing her to meet his gaze. "Why did you ask me that?"

This time it was her turn to pull away, and she stared down at her hands as she spoke, picking at one of her nails. "It's stupid. But I can't seem to shake what Penny and Bernadette said to me last weekend…about how if I made myself look better you might… well, I just figured that maybe I wasn't attractive enough for you."

"How can you say that?" There was a softness in his tone, a hint of disbelief that granted her the courage to raise her head and look at him.

"I mean, I know I'll never be as pretty as Penny and…"

"_Penny_?" His face twisted into a look of almost comical confusion. "How could you possibly think I would be interested in Penny?"

"I just thought—"

"Amy, you know I will accept nothing less than the best of everything. Penny might be what other men find conventionally attractive, but you forget I am not like other men. Sure, I suppose it's nice to be attracted to a person, but for all her likeable quirks, in the end, Penny is little more than a mindless troglodyte. Why would I ever wish to date her when I can have the whole package?"

She pushed aside her instinct to defend her best friend, focusing on what he had just implied about _her_. "The whole package…?" Her heart began to swell again at the sweetness of his words. Did he really think of her that way?

"Of course." Sheldon answered the unspoken question that lay before them. "You know I fell in love with you for your brain—"

"Wait." Her heart completely ceased its beating. "You…you're _in love_ with me?"

It struck Sheldon then what had so easily slipped from his mouth, and he jolted, his eyes growing wide. "Umm…" He swallowed hard and cleared his throat, glancing away before forcing himself to look at her again, his chin tilted upward in that familiar expression of finality she so adored.

"Yes," he said matter-of-factly. "I thought you knew that."

Amy stared at him with parted lips, trying to form words that refused to manifest. The sharp prick of tears threatened at the backs of her eyes.

"I…I guess a part of me did…but…"

"Amy, I know I'm not very good at this sort of thing. I have trouble expressing myself well at the very best of times. You asked me a while ago why I asked you to be my girlfriend. It's a difficult question to answer because there are many factors I took into consideration. You're bright, you're witty, you make me laugh, you're the only one who really understands me. You know I don't make any kind of life-changing decision lightly. I had been considering it for a while before Stuart asked you out. And then I couldn't fathom you being with another person. You're the only one I've ever been remotely interested in sharing something deeper with."

Amy smiled at him through her tears, a lonely one escaping to run a hot trail down her cheek. "Oh, Sheldon," she whispered.

"And, for the record," he added in a very irrefutable tone, "I have always found you visually appealing. I thought you knew that too."

"Really?"

"Yes. You have a very symmetrical face."

She bit her upper lip, her mouth curving into a smile.

"In addition, your hair is always clean and lustrous, your teeth are white and perfectly linear, and your eyes…they're…" He frowned as he searched for the right words to complete that final thought.

Amy felt herself blushing, a rush of joy flooding her at the unexpected compliments.

"I like looking at them," Sheldon finished lamely.

Her smile spread into a grin. "I like your eyes too. You're very handsome, Sheldon."

He blinked at her in surprise. "I am?"

Amy nodded eagerly. "Most definitely."

He flashed his own smile at that, the tips of his ears flushing red.

"In fact," she leaned toward him, feeling suddenly braver, her voice taking on a sultry tone. "Sometimes you're really hard to resist."

He leaned away from her, his throat working as he stared into her eyes. She caught a hint of fear in his gaze, and she withdrew, mentally scolding herself for her brashness.

Sheldon closed his eyes then, breathing slowly. "Don't do that to me. Not right now. Or I might not be able to control myself."

"Then don't," she whispered.

"Amy…"

"It's okay to embrace your desires," she encouraged. "They're normal."

He shook his head, his gaze settling somewhere far away. "Not for me."

"I know things like this are hard for you, Sheldon. But you _are _human. It's okay to give in to your emotions from time to time."

"I don't think you understand," he murmured. "My whole life has been dedicated to higher learning and the expansion of my mind. Focus has always been my forte. And now…I seem to be losing that part of myself that has allowed me to cope with the world around me.

"I've never told anyone this, Amy, but even as a very young child, most of my relatives thought of me as a freak. They didn't understand how at only one year of age, I could possibly potty train myself, or how I was able to read at a high school level at the age of five. They told my mother there was something wrong with me, and even though I don't think she ever believed them, and although she has always supported me, I think there was a time when she truly did think I was crazy.

"My dad didn't make it any better. I could always tell he was trying, but he never really understood me at all. He was desperate to find some sort of normalcy in me that he could cling to, and as a result, he forced me to do things I had no interest in. In his quest to mold me into what he thought a son should be, I spent many long hours playing catch, watching football, and hunting, none of which I ever enjoyed or excelled at. As a result, I always felt like a failure in his eyes, never quite hitting the mark he had hoped I would aspire to.

"If I thought my _family_ was bad, my so-called peers were loathsome. Seeing as I had always been smarter than the other children, this meant I was very isolated, both from my classmates and the neighborhood kids. My sister Missy was the only one who really spent any time in my company (my brother George had better things to do), and as we got older, she grew more interested in shopping and gossiping with her girlfriends. While I was very proud of my accomplishments, there was also an element of loneliness that was difficult to cope with. I was never really able to enjoy my childhood—not like other kids my age. Instead of playing outside and making friends, I spent my time reading and learning and building models of the universe in my room. I sped through the grades, never staying in one long enough to even attempt to find companionship, and before I knew it, I was going off to college at the age of eleven. And I _clearly_ had no peers there. There was at least a seven year age gap between myself and my schoolmates, and while people stared and whispered when they saw me in the halls, no one ever made much effort to get to know me.

"I told myself I didn't need them. The children I had grown up with were jealous of my accomplishments, and I was taunted and shunned wherever I went, which ultimately led to an inferiority complex. As a result, I realized early on that the only one I could truly count on or trust was myself. Allowing oneself to become attached to others—to rely on someone else—seemed a weakness to me. And so I learned to reject emotions and to distance myself.

"It was only with my meemaw and pop-pop—the two people who had never once judged me or asked me to change—that I felt like I could truly be myself. They were the only ones in the family who encouraged me to pursue science and who openly listened to and discussed my interests. But then…my pop-pop died, and I realized that even those I trusted, the ones who accepted and cared for me without reservation…they would eventually leave me as well. His death was harder on me than I care to admit, and I knew I couldn't deal with that kind of loss ever again. So while I kept my meemaw and my mother near to my heart, I convinced myself that I could never get that close to anyone else, that intimacy and love were stupid and unnecessary constructs of human social interaction. I was above all of that. I had no need for the inferior vulnerabilities of my subordinates. My brain was so advanced it was enough to sustain me. Science was the only thing I could count on—the one constant in a chaotic world. It was the one thing that would never fail me. I devoted all of my focus to it, burying myself within the confines of my own mind where it was safe. Instead of rejection, I could now dedicate my purpose to myself and my accomplishments. And one day, I would show them all what a homo novus was truly capable of.

"But now," he sighed, "it's all changing. I feel like I'm losing a vital part of myself. I've become as weak-minded and workaday as the masses. My sense of careful security is waning, and I—I don't know how to deal with it all."

Amy studied him. She had known some of this already. It was easy enough to piece together certain details from his youth, and she knew him well enough to understand his need to guard himself against rejection. She had felt that way too. But to hear him speak of it aloud, to admit his imperfections, made her feel even closer to him somehow.

"You're a highly intelligent being who prides himself on being the master of his own mind and body. You have the highest IQ of anyone I've ever met. You're _brilliant,_ Sheldon. But as a human male—superior or not—it's normal to feel helpless once in a while. You haven't lost who you are. You've just discovered another facet of yourself you didn't know existed. That doesn't mean it's wrong to embrace it."

"I don't know if I can." The innocent tone of his voice, the way he sounded so _lost_ was endearing to her.

"It's going to be okay."

"How _can_ it," he blurted, looking close to tears. "If I lose myself, I won't have anything left. I'll be just like everyone else—weak and brainless and alone."

"You'll _never _be alone, Sheldon. You'll always have _me_."

"How can you _say_ that? How can you promise me that nothing will ever come between us, especially when I can't even—" He stopped short, either unable or unwilling to finish that thought.

His open vulnerability melted her heart. "Because I love you too."

He seemed a bit taken aback by the confession, but he only stared at her.

"I'm not a psychic. I can't claim to predict the future…but I do know that I intend to be here for you, as long as you'll let me. I need you in my life, Sheldon. I don't think you realize how important you are to me."

He swallowed a few times, mulling over her words. Another moment of stillness stretched out between them. Amy reflected that there had been quite a few of these occasions lately. It was Sheldon who broke the silence this time.

"I know I can be an egotistical know-it-all sometimes," he admitted. "But I don't mean to be. All right, sometimes I do, but only when I'm forced to witness the stupidity of others. Which, admittedly, _is_ most of the time…"

Amy couldn't help but smile. Some things, at least, would never change.

"I _do _love you, Amy."

Her heart swelled at these words. "I know."

"But this is a struggle for me. It's unnerving and…I'm scared."

The admission surprised her—not because she couldn't sense his fear but because he had admitted to it so willingly. In the past, despite how obvious his feelings were at times, he had always tried to deny them.

"You know, I was in the same boat as you once," she reminded him. "After being shunned and picked on all my life, I was determined that I had no need of relationships. But then I met you…and I realized that deep down, I have needs just like everyone else. My own experiences taught me a valuable lesson—that sometimes in order to find happiness, you have to take a risk."

"But that isn't logical."

Amy sighed. Things like this were always more difficult with him. "Desire is often anything _but _logical, Sheldon. It's irrational and maddening at times, but the payoff can be more rewarding than solving any mathematical equation if you let it."

"How do you know these things?"

"As a neurobiologist, I've conducted extensive studies on how our brains process emotions. I think we can help each other, Sheldon. We can work through this. Do you think you can trust me?"

Sheldon nodded. "Of course I trust you, Amy. You're the only one I _do_ when it comes to these matters."

She smiled, blushing with joy at the declaration. "Then I propose we take this one step at a time. We can try things slowly, move ourselves forward, and see what works for us. It may take some trial and error, but if we're honest with each other, I know we'll get there."

"All right. How should we begin?"

"We could start with another kiss."

"But it isn't date night."

Amy frowned at this. And here she thought she had gotten through to him at last.

"Bazinga." He smiled.

She couldn't help a grin as he leaned in to capture her lips with his own.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Thanks again for all the great reviews. I'm having a lot of fun with this story. It's getting increasingly difficult to keep Sheldon in character as I go, for obvious reasons, but I'm trying. I gave in and read some spoilers for upcoming episodes, and I was really glad to see that the direction most of them are going in plays right into where I want to take this story. Rest assured, I won't be writing anything about the episodes until they air, so there will be no spoilers in this story. Also, I noticed that while chapter three appears normal on the website, for some reason the whole thing is bold and italic on my cell phone. I examined the code but can't figure out why it's doing that. So apologies for anyone who might be reading this on their phones.

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Four**

_"You have to take your time with Sheldon. His father, God rest his soul, used to say to me, Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon." - Mary Cooper, The Luminous Fish Effect_

Three weeks later, Amy found herself putting a drunk Sheldon to bed—or, trying to at least. He sure wasn't making it easy on her. She never really minded when he consumed alcohol, especially since he did it so infrequently. Inebriation always lowered his inhibitions, rendering him more apt to share things he would otherwise only ever keep to himself, and to do things he would never dare to under normal circumstances. Most importantly, it was the only time he truly allowed himself to shut off his mind for a while and relax, and he could really use that sort of intermission more often. He was always so tightly strung. Of course, that lowered sense of restraint _had _gotten him into trouble on a few occasions.

Her mind flashed back to the last time he'd gotten this plastered. It had been Thanksgiving, and he had swatted her on the backside in front of their friends and Bernadette's father. While he'd also embarrassed himself by throwing up all over Mrs. Wolowitz's bathroom clowns, the only thing that mattered to her in the end was that uninhibited act of physical contact. It would have been infuriating how he had pawed her while demanding she get him a beer had it not been such an unexpected and long sought after touch. When she thought about it hard enough, she could almost feel the slight sting and the spreading warmth that had lingered there long afterward. That simple slap had revealed to her even then—back before his recent confession—that there was indeed some inkling of hidden desire buried deep within her boyfriend's psyche, even if he forever refused to acknowledge it.

Tonight, Sheldon had consumed much more than in times past—almost as much as Penny had, in fact. It was a wonder he was even still standing at all. As she led him down the hall, her hand wrapped around his waist for support, she relished the feel of the sinewy muscle beneath her hand. She had to focus, she scolded herself. This wasn't about her; it was about taking care of her sloshed boyfriend and making sure he got safely to sleep.

Poor Sheldon was in the midst of a crisis. He had essentially gone through a break-up with string theory, the framework he had dedicated much of his life and career to, and now he was lost. Yet another change was forcing its way into Sheldon's world. She was impressed at how many transitions he had made over the last year and at how well he was coping with most of them. She could imagine his mind and heart must be in overdrive with everything that had already happened. Throwing this into the mix was like adding gasoline to an already raging fire.

She reached for the door handle and he stopped her.

"Wa, wa, wa, wait…"

Then he leaned against the door and began to knock.

_Knock, knock, knock. _"Empty room?"

_Knock, knock, knock. _"Empty room?"

_Knock, knock, knock. _"Empty room?"

He turned to her then, amusement and wariness battling for dominance. "If somebody says 'come in', I'm going to freak out."

Amy rolled her eyes. Well, certainly _some _things hadn't changed. At least, that was…until they had entered Sheldon's bedroom and Amy had shut the door.

"Sheldon, what are you doing?"

The lanky physicist had latched onto the hem of his shirts and pulled them up, getting them stuck somehow at his armpits, his arms flailing above his head and his face buried within the confines of the fabric.

"I'm stuck," came the muffled reply. There was a hint of panic in his voice.

Resisting the urge to laugh at his antics, Amy rushed to his aid. "Here, let me help you." Without a second thought, she slipped her fingers beneath the bunched material, up his sides and around to his back. Amy savored the sensation of his smooth skin. The heat that was radiating off of him was intoxicating.

Sheldon squirmed and giggled as her hands made their way up his arms, caressing over his flesh. "That tickles."

She gave a little nervous laugh of her own. "Sorry."

Amy managed to get the shirts as high as his eyebrows, and they hung there like a ridiculous mane, wild and wrinkled around his face with his wrists still trapped inside. She chuckled a little as she rose to her tiptoes, trying to pull them off, but she was too short to reach.

"Bend over, Sheldon."

He made a show of sticking his butt out as tipped at the waist, supporting his weight by pressing his hands against the mattress. "Bend over…are you going to spank me?"

It _was _tempting, she admitted to herself. But she reached to finish ridding him of the shirts instead. She managed to free his head from its confines and then began to guide him into an upright position again. "Here, straighten up and face me so I can pull this off your arms."

Once he was free of the garments, Amy found herself standing only inches away from him, looking up into his glazed eyes. She stared openly for a moment, trailing her sight down to take in the visage of a half naked Sheldon. His body was thin and lightly muscled, much as she had always envisioned it. His pale flesh was dotted here and there with freckles, and she was determined to commit every one of them to memory. A thin patch of hair decorated the center of his chest, and she found herself longing to run her fingers through it. When she trailed her gaze downward it was to find a flat yet somewhat soft looking belly. There was no six-pack like in her wilder fantasies, but the real thing was somehow better than she had ever imagined. This was authentic—_her _Sheldon, and the moment seemed so intimate, she felt a growing ache deep within herself.

"Hoo," she whispered.

It was a struggle to avert her gaze, but she forced herself to do so, and focused on folding his shirts neatly before stacking them on his dresser. She had just pulled open a drawer to find him something to wear to bed when she sensed movement beside her and turned to see her boyfriend pulling his pants down over his thighs.

_Oh god…_

Amy closed her eyes for a moment, suddenly embarrassed, yet aroused at the same time. "Sheldon, what are you doing," she asked for the second time, her voice coming out much more gravely than she had intended. She was unable to keep herself from stealing a glance at his nicely shaped legs and the bulge that was nestled between them. The pants were around his ankles now, and he attempted to step out of them, losing his balance in the process. As he stumbled, he latched onto her, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him upright.

His skin was so hot she thought she might burst into flame. She shut her eyes again involuntarily, allowing the heat to wash over her, lost in the sensation of his mostly nude body pressed up against her.

Amy swallowed. "We really need to get you to bed."

"But I don't want to go to bed," he murmured, pressing in even closer.

"Sheldon…"

"You smell good," he slurred, making a show of pressing his face into the crown of her head and taking a large whiff. "Your hair…smells like flowers. Did I ever tell you that?"

"No," she said, mustering all of her self control. "But thank you. Come on, we need to get your shoes off so you can walk."

He watched her intently as she knelt down before him to untie first one shoe and then the next. "Can you lift your foot?"

Balancing himself with his hands on her shoulders, he did as she requested. Besides a brief wobble on Sheldon's part, Amy was able to slip the shoe off easily and discard it next to the nightstand. They repeated the process with the other side, and then he stepped out of the garment that had held his ankles entrapped.

"Let's sit you down and find you something to wear."

He allowed her to guide him to the bed and gently deposit him on the edge. Then he sat there in only his briefs, staring up at her with a dazed expression, looking vulnerable and delicious.

"Or…I could just get naked."

She froze, staring at him through wide eyes, her heart racing.

"Sheldon…now isn't the time…"

"You'd like that though, wouldn't you? To see me naked?"

"Um…" She felt her face heat up at the idea and took a deep breath to calm herself. "Yes, of course I would. But later, when you're sober. Right now, you need to get some sleep. Now which are your Monday pajamas?"

It took all of her effort to turn away from him to try to sort through his clothes again.

"I dunno," she heard him say from behind her. So instead of trying to get him to cooperate, she just chose a set at random and moved toward him to help him put them on.

"Those aren't the right ones," he complained.

"Come on, Sheldon, does it really matter right now?"

He screwed his face up at her. "Of course it does. I can't wear Friday pajamas on Monday, silly. That would be ridiculous."

Amy's patience and willpower were starting to wear thin.

"Come on, Amy." Sheldon reached for her then, tugging her toward him so she was pressed up against the edge of the mattress between his spread thighs. A shiver ran through her as he moved his hands upward, fingers working at the top button of her shirt. "Let's get naked together."

Tossing the pajamas aside, she latched onto his fingers, her heart thumping so hard in her chest she wondered if he could hear it. "Sheldon, you are drunk. And as much as I would love to do that with you, I could never do so in your current state. You would hate both me and yourself come morning."

"But Amy," he whined. "I want you to touch me…like you do in my dreams."

She stared at him again in shock. "What? You dream about me touching you?"

He nodded. "Yes, almost every night now. It's not fair; you always tease me and then disappear. Why do you do that?"

"I'm sorry." She tried to sound soothing, but her voice had risen an octave. "I don't mean to."

"But you're doing it again. You're gonna get me all excited and then disappear."

Good lord, what had she gotten herself into?

"Please stay this time, Amy," he begged, staring up at her with soulful eyes.

"Okay, I'll stay, but just for a little while."

"Good," he smiled.

It was with great reluctance that she pulled away from him again and turned back to the task at hand. "Now will you put on your pajamas? Which ones do you wear on Mon—"

The inquiry was cut short when she felt his body press hard and hot against her back. She stood motionless as she felt his fingers tickle over the nape of her neck, brushing her hair to the side. The other hand came up to caress her shoulder.

"I don't want pajamas," he murmured, his warm breath washing over her newly exposed skin. "It's too hot in here." And then his lips were trailing over her neck and she nearly lost it.

"Sheldon…" she whispered, curling her fingers around the drawer and gripping it tightly to hold herself upright. She hitched her breath as his hand trailed up her arm to thread in her hair, keeping it out of the way. And then his tongue was mapping a hot, wet trail over her flesh.

"Sheldon, please." Her voice was trembling now. She wanted him so badly. But she couldn't—not this way.

"Please, what," he whispered into her ear, and she shuddered.

"If you're not going to put your pajamas on," she managed, "will you at least lie down?"

"Will you lay with me?"

Amy swallowed and nodded, turning to look him in the eyes. "All right. Just get into bed."

She pulled the covers back and waited. He did as she asked, leaning back against the pillow and watching her with interest as she maneuvered his legs so they were fully on the mattress before tugging the blankets up over his chest. It was a tragedy, really, to cover up such a glorious image, but it helped to quell the voice of desire that kept pleading in her head to let this happen.

"Now you," he insisted.

Exhaling, Amy kicked off her shoes and carefully crawled onto the other side of the bed.

"Are you going to sleep in your clothes?"

"Yes." She most certainly was not about to disrobe.

"Don't you wanna take that jacket off? It's so _hot _in here," he said again.

"No, I'm fine. Try to go to sleep, Sheldon."

He sighed dramatically. "Okay."

Amy watched as he shut his eyes and grew still. She paused a moment to study the way his lashes brushed over his cheekbones, the peaceful expression on his face. She took note of the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath the blanket. Sheldon reached for her hand, and she allowed him to take it, scooting in a bit closer so their bodies were almost touching again, she above the covers and he beneath.

"Amy?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"Will you get naked next time?"

Amy smiled despite herself. "We'll see."

She lay there watching him for another twenty minutes before deciding he was well and truly asleep. Then she carefully slipped her hand from his, kissed him on the forehead and rose from the bed. When she reached the door, she paused to spare one last glance at his prone form, and then quietly exited the bedroom.

* * *

"Amy, I want to apologize."

"You're already forgiven. I told you so on the phone this morning."

He sighed. "Yes, but I felt like I should do this in person. I was completely inappropriate last night, and I regret my actions."

"How much do you remember?"

"Enough."

"Well…you were drunk, that's all," Amy assured him. "There's really nothing to be sorry for."

Sheldon shook his head, a look of disbelief on his face. "You're always taking care of me, even when I make a total fool of myself."

"Sheldon, it's okay."

"No… it's not. I don't get why you're so understanding all the time. Had it been anyone else—"

"Because I'm _not_ anyone else."

Sheldon grew silent then. What Amy had said was truth. He knew he could be insufferable at times, and she was the only one who had ever willingly put up with it all. She got aggravated with him on occasion and had even lost her temper, but she always came back, always offered her hand, always put him before herself. He didn't deserve her, really. He had known that for a while now, but he supposed it had been easier to deny that fact than to face it. Besides, he was a catch in his own right. He was a genius with a PhD and two doctorates, and he excelled at everything he tried. Any girl would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend. Fortunately for Amy, he didn't _want_ anyone else.

_No_, he reminded himself. _You're the fortuitous one._

She accepted all of his quirks, and she had tolerated even more from him last night. Snippets of memory had been flashing through his mind since he had awoken that morning, practically naked. When he had first glanced down at himself to discover his prone form, he had panicked. He hadn't remembered undressing. The last thing he could easily recall was Amy leading him down the hall to his bedroom. He had held his breath as he slowly turned his head, expecting to see his girlfriend lying there just as nude beside him. There was a rush of relief when it was not her body he had been cradling, but his reassurance was short-lived when he realized he had been latching onto—of all things—a geology book. In light of that, Amy would have been a much more welcome presence.

"Thank you for not taking advantage of the situation."

"Of _course_, Sheldon. I would never do that to you. You know that."

He nodded.

"Amy," he blurted suddenly, "I slept with a _geology_ book last night."

She bit her lips and he could tell she was trying to hide a grin. He would have been angry at the idea of her mocking him, but there was a sincerity in her gaze that assured him that was not the case.

"Oh, Sheldon, I'm sorry."

"I don't understand how it _got_ there. You didn't bring it with you when you put me to bed, did you?"

She shook her head. "Absolutely not. Maybe it was Leonard."

Sheldon thought about it for a moment. "Well, he certainly isn't above pulling a prank like that. And he did tease me pretty incessantly this morning over it."

"That wasn't very nice. I'm sure _he's_ done some things he wasn't proud of after a night of drinking."

"Oh, he's done _plenty_," Sheldon agreed. "And not once did I ever taunt him over it."

"I'm sure you didn't," Amy agreed. "I'm sorry you were forced to live through that humiliation. Did you come up with any more ideas for new areas of research you may want to focus on?"

"Well…I briefly considered cosmology, but that was short-lived when I discovered that I apparently drunk dialed Stephen Hawking last night. Several times." He shut his eyes, mortified.

"_Really_?" Amy's shocked tone did nothing to settle his nerves.

"I'm a failure, Amy," he exclaimed. "I've wasted my life. And now I've humiliated myself in front of one of the greatest minds in the world of science. I don't know if I can ever show my face again."

"No," Amy insisted. "You're _not_ a failure. While your research in the area of string theory has reached its end point, you've learned a lot that you can take with you into the next stage of your career. You're a brilliant man, Sheldon, and I have no doubt that you will be successful in whatever field you choose next. As for Hawking, I bet he will be sympathetic to your situation. I'm sure he would feel similar to you if his research ever hit a dead end."

Sheldon perked up at that with a twinge of hope. "Perhaps you're right, Amy. I hadn't considered it that way."

She laid her hand over his and gave it a gentle squeeze. Instantly, his mind snapped back to the night before again. They were lying in bed together, and he was reaching for her hand…

Sheldon sucked in a breath. He had begged her to stay. He had wanted her to…well, he had wanted _her._

"Everything will work out, you'll see." Amy smiled and patted his arm. "Let me get you some cocoa."

Sheldon watched her rise and make her way to her kitchen.

"I'll help you," he offered, standing to follow her, suddenly antsy.

"It's okay, really," she said, pulling open a cabinet to retrieve some mugs. "I've got it.

He paused beside her, watching as she filled the kettle with water and then bent to dig through a lower shelf, her backside rising into the air. Sheldon shut his eyes and swallowed. His hands itched to touch her there, to feel the roundness of those firm buttocks. He blinked his eyes open and inched forward, reaching out a hand…

And then she was standing upright again, and he jerked his arm back as though it had been burned. Her back brushed against his chest as she straightened, and he heard her gasp, her body tensing against him.

"Amy," he whispered, savoring the feel of her body pressed to his. He brought a hand up to caress her shoulder, and he felt her shudder beneath his touch.

She turned to gaze up at him then. They were standing so close he could feel her body heat. When their eyes met, he was whisked away to his bedroom once again, and he sucked in a breath. She had looked at him much this same way when he had tugged down his pants right in front of her last night.

_Oh, dear lord…_

Then another image came to him: his fingers at the neckline of her blouse, trying without success to work the button loose.

"Oh god…"

"Sheldon…?"

"Did I—I tried to…undress you…last night, didn't I?"

Amy's eyes fell shut and she swallowed. "Yes."

"And you…"

"Stopped you, of course. Believe me, it wasn't easy."

"I'm sorry I put you in that position," Sheldon apologized yet again, completely humiliated. "I'm such an idiot."

Never—in any universe—did he think he would ever find himself uttering those words. But there they were, and in that moment, they were more than accurate.

"It's okay," she assured him. "It was actually…kind of nice."

"_Nice_?" He screwed his face up in confusion. "In what way could my lewd antics last night _possibly_ have been pleasant?"

"I dunno...sometimes it's enjoyable when things are just…comfortable like that. When you're able to…let me know what you want so easily."

"You enjoyed me practically throwing myself at you…"

"Sheldon, sometimes it's so difficult to figure out what you're really thinking…or feeling. I'm sorry you're embarrassed, but when you take initiative, it's kind of…refreshing." A rosy hue had begun to creep its way over her face and neck, and Sheldon felt his own cheeks burning.

"I still can't believe I did that," he said softly. And then came another flash—of Amy sliding her hands up his sides, the shiver that ran through his body at her touch, the way they'd stood there just staring into one another's eyes. Just like they were doing now.

On instinct, he reached out and brushed the hair back from her shoulder, remembering the way he'd moved it away from her neck last night. He swallowed when he recalled how he'd pressed his lips against the exposed skin, how good it had felt to kiss her there, the way she had whispered his name. He found himself wanting to do it again.

Sheldon blinked. He had to get control of himself. There was no excuse for this; he was sober now. But then why was his body still acting of its own accord? He realized then how close he had drawn to her, how his hand had found its way to cradle her face. When had her body gotten so incredibly warm? She was staring up at him through half-lidded eyes, and he allowed his gaze to roam over her face, taking in every detail. Her hazel green gaze was drawing him in, and he felt himself leaning toward her.

Their lips met in a fierce kiss, and he grabbed her by the shoulders, tugging her into himself and crushing their chests together. Amy moaned into his mouth, and he thrust his tongue past her lips, caressing it against hers, longing to hear that sound again. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he turned them, shoving her against the refrigerator door. He wanted to feel more of her, to get lost in her heat, to run his hands over her flesh and explore the many facets of her body that yet remained a delicious mystery to him.

Amy was the one to break the kiss, and when he looked in her eyes, he could see how dark they had become, her pupils dilated until the green had all but vanished.

"Sheldon," she whispered.

He pressed his lips against her throat, peppering kisses down the column of her flesh. He felt her melt against him, her head tipping backward to allow him access. He ran his hands up and down her arms, his palms caressing the fabric of her sleeves. How he hated that shirt in that instant. He wanted to feel the smoothness of her skin, he wanted to touch—

He broke away from her suddenly, realizing what he had been about to do. He stared at her through wide eyes, his hand still lingering inches above her left breast, hanging awkwardly in the air between them. Amy, breathing heavily, trailed her gaze from his shocked face to his floating hand, and then back up into his eyes.

Embarrassed, Sheldon lowered his arm and stared down at his shoes. Why was this so hard, he admonished himself. Why must he be intoxicated in order to be able to touch his girlfriend?

"Sheldon." She latched onto his wrist and pulled his hand back up, holding it between them much as it had been just a moment ago. She pressed a finger under his chin and lifted it until their eyes met again, and she offered a small, shy smile. "It's okay. I want you to."

He stared at her, unable to look away from that penetrating gaze, so filled with love and understanding and desire. Oh how he longed to do this, to give her what she wanted—what _he _wanted. But he didn't know if he could. He had no idea where to even begin.

She kissed his knuckles as if trying to breathe reassurance into them. "Touch me, Sheldon," she whispered, and pressed his palm to her chest, laying it just above her breast, directly against her heart.

Sheldon let out a trembling breath and shut his eyes. He pressed his forehead against hers, willing his own heart to stop hammering in his chest. He could feel hers thrumming beneath his hand, and he relished the sensation. Could it be possible that he had the same effect on her as she did on him?

Gathering his courage, he kissed her again, this time more gentle, yet filled with a desire that gripped him to the very core. And then slowly, so agonizingly slowly, he began to trail his fingers lower until they brushed feather light over the rise of her breast, feeling the taut nub of her nipple beneath the fabric of her shirt.

A sharp intake of breath announced Amy's pleasure at this most chaste of caresses. Emboldened, he mapped a path around the curve of her flesh, pressing his palm against the soft mound, carefully squeezing, committing the feel and weight of it in his hand to memory. The unexpected softness, the way her body arched into his touch, the sound of her gasping and the cadence of her heart—it was all so fascinating…so _exhilarating_.

Sheldon broke the kiss so he could watch her, delighting in the emotions that played across her face. He dragged his fingers back over the sensitive bud, and again she tipped her head back, her teeth digging into her lower lip.

"Sheldon," she moaned.

He let her reach for him, and she pressed her hands against his back, trailing them up over his shoulders and down his chest. He shivered in delight as they found his own nipples and grazed over them lightly. Good _lord_. If this simple touch could nearly bring him to his knees, he could only imagine…

Amy's hands moved up to clasp around his neck, her chest heaving with ragged breaths as his fingers continued to tease over her sensitive flesh, and then down to gently cup her breast again. She pulled him to her once more, crushing her lips against his, and he allowed himself to sink into her, his free hand bracing himself against the flat surface of the refrigerator.

_Amy…_

His brain was flooded with sensation—the sound and vibration of her voice as she groaned into his mouth, the taste of her toothpaste, the smell of her shampoo—and he was drowning, being swallowed down into the maelstrom of arousal. As if drawn by a powerful magnet, his hips acted of their own accord, grinding up against her. He heard her gasp, and with a shock of realization he tore himself away from her, nearly tripping over his own feet as he backpedaled.

Sheldon was panting. His chest felt heavy as he struggled to catch his breath, and he feared for a moment that he was going to hyperventilate again.

"Sheldon?"

Her voice was so soft, so uncertain, and he knew he should reassure her. But all he could focus on right now was his straining erection and how he had thrust it up against his girlfriend like a barbarian. His body wasn't supposed to react this way. Humiliated, he covered himself with his hands and turned swiftly on his heels to run to her bathroom.

Once safely locked inside, he leaned over the sink, still gasping, and stared at his reflection. The face that looked back was alien to him. His eyes were still dark with lust, his skin flushed and clammy. He tried and failed to summon kohlinar, screaming internally at his body to stop this at once and calm down. But his erection refused to cooperate, and he could only growl in frustration.

Sighing, he sank heavily down onto the toilet lid and buried his face in his hands. What was happening to him? How could he have possibly thought it was a good idea to give in and let this happen? He abhorred this loss of control. And yet, he couldn't stop it. He had traveled down the proverbial rabbit hole, and the only way to fix any of this was to see it through. That thought was more terrifying than anything else.

"Sheldon?" She knocked lightly on the door.

"Don't come in here!"

"Sheldon, please come out and talk to me."

"Sorry, I can't right now!"

"What you're experiencing is perfectly normal, Sheldon. You did nothing wrong."

Intrinsically, he knew that. It was normal physiology for the blood to flow into the male penis when aroused, causing it to stand at attention. This was required for copulation so that the organ would be sturdy enough to be inserted into the female vagina, which, of course, was an essential component to populating the human species. But that knowledge did nothing to quell the embarrassment that flooded through him at the idea that his body had reacted that way in front of Amy, and that he had allowed himself to get carried away.

"I know," he sighed. Deciding he really had nothing to lose at this point, he exhaled and pulled the door open.

She was standing before him, a look of concern on her face. He noticed the way she purposely kept her gaze pinned on his face, not allowing her sight to wander any lower. Sheldon was quietly appreciative of her effort, as the problem in his pants still had not subsided.

"I'm sorry," he said, not for the first time.

Amy shook her head. "There's nothing at all to be sorry for. Being nervous about this is normal too, you know."

"It is?"

"Of course. Sheldon, we're both very new to all of this. Our bodies are reacting in ways they never have before. You're not alone. Your…reactions…are just a bit more noticeable due to your anatomy, is all."

"But…I _scared_ you."

"No." She shook her head, smiling. "No, you didn't scare me, you just surprised me, is all. It was a very _good_ surprise."

"Really?"

"Yes. Up until now I wasn't quite sure your body was even…capable…of that kind of response."

He stared at her for a moment until realization hit. "I see. Amy, I know I haven't shown any interest in this sort of thing until recently, but I assure you that my body is _fully _functional."

She was still smiling. "Yes, I am very aware of that now."

He resisted the urge to cover himself again, his cheeks growing hot.

She reached for his hand and he allowed her to take it. "Remember what we said. We'll get through these steps together. At our own pace."

He nodded and let out another shaky breath, some of the tension relaxing from his taut muscles.

"I think," she said softly, "It's fairly safe to say that we both enjoyed that little session."

Sheldon met her gaze and nodded again. "It was…extremely pleasant," he admitted.

Amy smiled. "Does that mean you might want to do it again sometime?"

"I would," he conceded. "Just…hopefully next time I can learn to control myself better."

"Sheldon, the whole point is to _lose_ control. Only for a little while," she added quickly as he was about to protest. "Just in the moment. You said you trusted me. Is that still true?"

"Of course."

"And wasn't it nice, even for those few short moments, when you shut off your mind and let your body take over?"

He sighed. "I have to admit that you're right. It was the most…incredible thing I've ever felt, Amy. But it scares me. What if I'm unable to regain control?"

"You already proved you could do it just now. When it got too intense, you stopped. You may have let yourself go in the moment, but ultimately, you will always have control over your own actions."

He exhaled another shaky breath. "Okay," he nodded.

"Come on," she said, tugging on his hand. "I think that's enough for one night. You want to watch some Star Trek?"

He followed her eagerly to the living room, grateful once again for Amy's inherent understanding of the inner workings of his heart and mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** So I'm now completely spoiled through the end of season 7, and (without giving away spoilers) when I first read the set report for the finale Wednesday, my heart sank a bit. I wasn't sure if I could keep going with this story, even though I had a good portion of this chapter already written. I felt a bit lost and wasn't sure where to go from there. But after thinking things over and watching last night's episode, I'm enthralled. And I think I can really make this story work so it plays into what will happen through the end of the season (and beyond). I do kind of feel as though writing a story with them getting intimate during the events of season 7 cheapens the plotlines on the show a bit, but hopefully you guys will keep enjoying this anyway. One regret I have is that Sheldon told Amy in this story that he loves her already. I hadn't planned that, it just sort of happened and I went with it. Now I wish that I'd deleted it and waited until sometime in the future. Oh well. Sheldon wanted to let it slip, and I didn't want to argue with him. ;) I guess that's what fanfic is for though—writing things our own way. Not everything is going to be canon, and I just have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Besides, as the series progresses through the next 3 seasons, I know that most of what I'm writing here will quickly become AU. Next chapter is going to heat up a bit again, so please bear with me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Five**

"_Oh, Amy! I've never been touched like this before!" – Sheldon, The Roommate Transmogrification_

Sheldon's mind was reeling, his heart in turmoil. First, Amy had lied to him last night about being sick in order to get some time away from him, and then Penny had dragged him to that _insane_ imposter of a fortune teller who had tried to tell him that opening up to his relationship with her would fix his entire life and all of his problems. How could a complete stranger possibly know anything about him? It was total malarkey, and he'd told her so. The _nerve_ of that woman to pretend like she knew what was best for him. He scoffed even now, just thinking about it.

And yet her words kept ringing through his mind. _Personally and professionally, everything will fall into place once you commit to her. _It was pure hokum, of course. He didn't need to open himself to _anything_. And anyway, hadn't he already made major strides in that area? He had been kissing her regularly, and just a couple of weeks ago…well, he had gotten more physical than he had ever dreamed himself capable of. He was still a bit freaked out by it all, to be honest. But as hard as he might try, he could not deny that he had enjoyed the experience. Touching her that way, feeling the softness of her body beneath his hands, had been so exhilarating. But it had also had consequences. His body had betrayed him, and he found it difficult to face her, let alone try to become intimate again.

He had been struggling with this for so long, fighting against the urges of his body and the swirling vortex of his own thoughts and desires. Amy _did _things to him—things he couldn't understand or explain. He had been so afraid to embrace that phenomenon, to even admit those realities existed. And then, suddenly, he had found himself incapable of controlling it any longer, and he had panicked and told her everything. Well…_almost_ everything.

Even after all this time, he still couldn't say why he needed her in his life; he just knew that he did. He had admitted that he loved her, which was a fact he hadn't even understood until it had slipped from his lips so nonchalantly during their Truth or Dare game. He still had a hard time fathoming that he felt that way about someone, especially when he had been so adamant against such ridiculous notions. But this was _Amy_, and there was just something about her that made everything different. They were connected to each other the way a group of electrons were bound to a nucleus through electromagnetic force. He wanted to be the right kind of person for her—a man who would love her and take care of her and treat her like she deserved. But his detached nature kept fighting him at every turn. Why did change have to be so terrifying? Why was it so hard to embrace something that he knew deep down he really longed for?

One thing he understood for certain was that Amy truly confounded him. She was the tiny change in the initial condition of his life that was currently leading to realms unpredictable. She was his cataclysm, his _chaos._ She had broken every rule, had altered him in ways that previously he had thought impossible. She threw him for a loop at every turn, and yet he couldn't get enough of her. She had become an elemental part of his life, like physics or air. She was essential to his well-being—he knew that now. It was a foreign concept to him; he had never needed anyone before. He was even considering _coitus_ with her—the one thing he had always prided himself on having no use or desire for.

When his attachment to her had begun to develop into full blown desire, it had been jarring. It called into question everything he had always known about himself. He had originally hoped that a small act of passion might be able to quell his body's torturous insistence and the surging desire burning like a high powered laser through his gut. But his little dalliance with Amy a couple of weeks ago had only made things worse. It had awoken his body to new sensations, and now the beast within was craving more. Maybe it was because he was so unused to touch of any kind, but for some reason, every time Amy laid her hands on him, it felt like an electrical current, shocking all of his nerve endings to life. It was amazing how a few simple touches could hold such power. He had begun to understand why similar acts of passion had such an affect on his friends, and the human populace as a whole. He loathed that realization as well because it signaled yet another change in his carefully outlined reality.

"Sheldon?" Leonard had come into the room at some point, and he hadn't even noticed him.

"Hmmm?"

"Is everything okay? You're sitting here in the dark and the TV isn't even on."

Sheldon blinked as Leonard flicked on the light, and he regarded his best friend for the first time. "Oh. Yes. I'm fine. I was just thinking."

"Okaaaay."

"Leonard…can I ask you something? About women?"

The bespectacled man shot him a wary glance. "Haven't we had a talk like that before?"

"This is different."

"Did you read that book we got you?"

Sheldon sighed in exasperation. Again with that infernal book. He doubted his friends would ever give it a rest. "Leonard, will you just listen?"

"Fine." His roommate sat down in the chair adjacent to his spot and granted him his full attention. "What's going on?"

"Well…" Sheldon let out a breath. "After everything that happened last night, I'm a bit confused. I've come to the conclusion that the female of the species is a complete enigma."

"Understatement of the year," Leonard agreed.

"For all of our similarities and compatibility, I just don't understand Amy sometimes."

"Welcome to the world of relationships," Leonard said sarcastically. "Unfortunately, I think this is one area that even a genius like _you_ won't ever be able to fully master."

"The thing is, Amy and I agreed that we would be open with each other, and that we would tell one another when something was bothering us. She wants me to trust her. But then she turned around and lied to me, and I'm perplexed. Why would she do that when she's been so adamant about us being honest?"

"Well…sometimes people lie in order to protect those they care about," Leonard offered. "So they don't hurt them."

"But doesn't the lie ultimately wound in the end as well?"

"I guess it really depends. Some fibs are worthwhile if you know it will spare the person's feelings. Remember that time when we made up that story so we didn't have to go listen to Penny sing?"

"God, yes. _That_ was a fiasco and a half."

"Well, you have to admit that you blew things way out of proportion," Leonard argued. "If we would have just stuck to my original plan—"

"It would have unraveled faster than a snagged sweater," Sheldon finished.

"Fine. Whatever. The point is, I couldn't be honest with Penny and tell her that she wasn't cut out for singing, because she was so excited about the opportunity, and I wanted to be supportive. Being honest in that situation would have crushed her spirit. Do you understand?"

Sheldon thought it over. "I think I do," he nodded. "However, I wasn't trying to do something beyond my capabilities—not that there's really anything in existence that I don't excel at."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Of _course_ not."

"In any case, she lied to spare _herself_ from having to listen to me talk about my career woes. That doesn't seem like it could have possibly been for _my_ benefit."

"It _could_ be for your benefit if it meant it would prevent her from _killing_ you."

"Be serious, Leonard!"

"Okay, sorry. But look, I know Amy cares about your situation."

"How do you know that?"

"Because she told me the night you got drunk."

"She did?"

"Yes, we talked about it for a little while after she put you to bed. She's been very concerned about you, and she was trying to come up with ways that she could help you through this. I'm sure she probably just needed a break from it, and she figured if she told you that you would take it the wrong way and get your feelings hurt."

"I guess I can see that. But I thought she would understand how important my scientific trajectory is to me. I thought she realized that those things have to come first on my priority list."

"Sheldon, no matter how intelligent or career driven, no woman wants to hear that she comes second in her boyfriend's life. Amy understands you on a level that no one else ever could, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings. I've seen her sacrifice plenty to be with you. Maybe it's time you start considering her needs a little more."

"But—" Again, the psychic's words haunted him, and he felt a familiar sting at the backs of his eyes. _He should give himself to this relationship._

"She felt really bad about lying to you last night."

"Really?"

"Yes. And I'll tell you something else. Don't tell her I told you this, but she admitted that she gets a little jealous sometimes of your friendship with Penny."

Sheldon screwed his face up in confusion. "_Why_?"

Leonard shrugged. "She feels like you're more comfortable in certain ways around Penny than you are around her."

"That's preposterous. Amy is the person I go to most for advice. She's the one who is most like me. _She's_ my girlfriend. And besides, I don't _kiss_ Penny."

"Well, I should _hope_ not," Leonard said pointedly. "I think Amy just wants you to open up to her a bit more, that's all. She cares about you a lot, you know."

"But I _do_ open up to her," Sheldon insisted.

"_Really_."

"Yes. In fact, just recently we had a rather heartfelt discussion about our relationship. We've written kissing into the Relationship Agreement. _And_ I'm working on revising it further as we speak."

"Oh? And have you taken Amy's wants and needs into consideration with this amendment?"

"Of course. She's the main reason I'm even doing this to begin with."

"Is it safe to ask what sorts of things you're adding or removing?"

"Well…that's between me and Amy, but for instance, I'm considering removing some of the more…_physical_ restrictions."

Leonard raised his eyebrows. "Really? Sheldon Cooper is actually thinking about _touching_ a woman?"

Sheldon shot him an exasperated look. "Please. Save me the sarcasm. You already know I've been considering a physical relationship with Amy. You know I kiss her now. I don't know why it's so hard to believe."

"Because, Sheldon, ever since I've known you, you've insisted that you were above all of that and had no need or desire to be with anyone, let alone _touch_ them."

"Yes, well, as you and Penny have both so _insistently_ pointed out, I've changed my mind on that to an extent."

"That's great, Sheldon. I'm happy for you. I'm sure it will make Amy happy too."

Sheldon nodded in agreement, but there was a part of him that was yet apprehensive. Even with all of his research, he had no idea what he was doing. He had a feeling that there was a distinct difference between memorizing the basics and actually putting them into action. And his fear was still holding him back. His memory traveled back to them standing in Amy's kitchen again. Something had compelled him to venture further into the realms of carnality than he had ever dared to before. Amy had been very responsive to his attempts and had seemed to enjoy herself thoroughly. Perhaps he wasn't so bad at this after all. And yet, he still had so many questions. There were so many variables to consider. He wanted to become an expert on the topic and show Amy that even in this, he was a genius.

"Leonard? Have you and Penny ever engaged in cunnalingus?"

Leonard began to sputter, his eyes growing so wide they looked like they might pop right out of his head. "_What_!?"

"Cunnalingus," Sheldon repeated, nonchalantly. "The act of sexual gratification through oral stim—"

"I _know_ what it is!"

"All right. And…?"

"Sheldon, that's _very _personal."

"Okay, I'll take that as a yes."

"I refuse to either confirm or deny your hypothesis," Leonard insisted. "How do you even know about that kind of thing?"

"I've been doing some research."

"Oh, good god." Leonard massaged his temples. "I don't think I even want to know. Are you actually thinking of trying that with _Amy_?"

"Good _lord_, no! Why would I ever want to put my mouth somewhere that's teeming with that many germs?" He shuddered just thinking about it. "I was just wondering if it's as disgusting as it sounds, or if it's even _worse_."

"Look, Sheldon, all I can really tell you is that no act of physical intimacy is truly gross if it's done for the right reasons and with the right person."

"Really? That doesn't sound right…"

"Well, it's true. And in this area at least, I have way more experience than you, so you should trust that I know what I'm talking about. But that's quite an advanced move, especially for someone who is just easing into getting physical. I suggest you start with something much simpler."

"As I won't be engaging in said act, your concern is moot. But I appreciate the sentiment all the same."

"Well, you're welcome."

"Leonard, I want to show Amy that I'm ready to take a step forward, but I'm unsure how to approach it. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Well, when I was courting Penny, I focused on romancing her."

"Romance? I have no idea how to even approach that. It's a bit hippy dippy for my tastes." He remembered her plea for romance during their Valentine's trip on the train. It was what had gotten him into this mess to begin with.

"Yes, well, women respond well to that sort of thing. And Amy really deserves some doting."

"Doting? What are you recommending?"

"I dunno. Treat her to a nice dinner, hold her hand—_without_ her having to ask, tell her how you feel about her…"

"I've already told her how I feel."

"Really?" Leonard was throwing him a look that Sheldon had learned to translate as skepticism.

"Yes," he insisted. "Amy knows I love her."

"Wait…what? You _love_ Amy?"

"I don't see why that's so surprising."

"Sheldon, everyone _knows _you love her. What's _surprising_ is that you can even identify and admit that emotion," Leonard said, astonished. "Good for you, buddy!"

Sheldon frowned and scoffed at this. "Don't patronize me, Leonard."

"Sorry. It's just…it's a bit of a shock."

"Yes, well, if _you're_ surprised, how do you think _I _feel?"

"Point taken."

The two of them sat in silence for a few moments, until at last Leonard sighed and rose from the chair. "Well...you'll have to let me know how everything goes. Penny should be home now, so I really should go over and talk to her. She was still a little miffed at me this morning."

Sheldon nodded as Leonard made his way toward the door. "All right. Hey, Leonard?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for listening."

Leonard flashed him a wide smile. "You're welcome, buddy. I'll see you in a bit. In the meantime, you really should talk to Amy."

"Perhaps," Sheldon said as he watched Leonard leave. He did want to talk to her, but a part of him was being stubborn. Maybe he would wait for her to come to him instead.

* * *

The trench coat dropped to the floor with a soft rustle, revealing the plaid skirt, white shirt and tie that had been hiding underneath. She stared at Sheldon intently, grinning with proud anticipation as she studied his face for a reaction. She took note of the way his eyes roamed quickly over her body from head to toe, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down slowly as he swallowed—hard. She was standing before him in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit, much like the one Bernadette had mentioned wearing for Howard whenever they got into a fight. She and Sheldon hadn't fought per say, but she hadn't been honest with him either, and she felt that he deserved an apology. She had wanted to do something over-the-top, something that could truly prove to him how much she regretted her actions.

"Unless you have Gravity on blu-ray under that skirt, I don't know where you're going with this."

His words stung a little. Amy struggled between wanting to show him _exactly _where she was going with this, and hanging her head in disappointment. Bernadette had been right after all; this was Sheldon, and when had he ever shown the slightest inkling of interest in her playing dress-up? _When I dressed as Nurse Chapel_, she reminded herself. Oh, what a fun afternoon _that_ had been, playing doctor Star Trek style with her uptight yet flustered genius physicist of a boyfriend. Although he had kept a cool demeanor throughout their little game, the way he had squirmed beneath her ministrations hadn't gone unnoticed. She had been determined back then to increase Sheldon's feelings for her, and her series of experiments seemed to have worked, even if only a little bit. And of course, their recent discussions and actions had certainly led her to believe that Sheldon was turning into a man with full-blown sexual desires. But now it felt like the progress they had slowly been making together had stagnated.

Over the past couple of weeks, it had felt as though he were pulling away from her again. She thought they had made such strides together, both emotionally and physically, that they were growing so much closer. But then he had shut her out once more, and it had begun to feel like the old days—like the _true_ Sheldon had emerged again—the one who cared nothing for touching her in any sort of way that wasn't platonic. She _knew_ he had enjoyed their last little experiment into the realm of physical intimacy; the evidence had _certainly_ been undeniable. He had confirmed that he would be willing to do it again, but yet after Sheldon had finally managed to find second base—and had become _aroused_ of all things—instead of showing interest in wanting more, their new found closeness had started to revert. Again.

The fact that he had opened up to her so much about his emotions and had actually seemed to _want_ to touch her in any kind of sexual context, and even more so, that he had let _her_ touch _him_ that way, had all felt like a dream. And now, it would seem that she was finally waking up to reality at last. She didn't know if she could ever get that closeness back, and she felt like a fool for coming here, for thinking she could fix things with this silly getup. She should probably just leave.

As she turned and bent over to gather up her coat, she thought she could feel his gaze burning into her back. It was probably just wishful thinking, but then there _had_ been that rather intense swallow when he had first taken in the sight of her. However when she glanced over her shoulder to look at him, his sight was averted, and he was staring down at his shoes.

Wishful thinking, indeed.

"Goodbye, Sheldon," she said softly. "I'm sorry…for everything."

As she turned to leave, he grabbed her arm. "Wait, where are you going?"

"I'm going home. I know you probably don't want my company right now."

"You're making assumptions, Dr. Fowler, and I have yet to dole out your punishment."

She tensed up at that, and slowly turned to face him. "Punishment…?"

"Yes. You know the protocol," he said matter-of-factly. "When you lie to me, you're punished. Don't get me wrong—I don't _enjoy_ having to discipline you, but I think it's only fair."

Amy wondered what he might have in mind. She bit her lip, her imagination running wild with the possibilities.

"Come on," Sheldon pulled her inside and shut the door with a soft click. He led her to the couch and sat down, patting the cushion next to him—_her _spot. "Come sit."

It was with a mix of reluctance and anticipation that she did so, laying the coat over the arm of the sofa before settling onto the edge of her seat, keeping a few inches between them as her uncertainty got the best of her.

"First things first," he said, all business. "How could you lie to me, Amy?"

"I'm sorry, Sheldon." She lowered her head in shame, no longer able to look him in the eyes. "I just…you know I support you whole-heartedly, but the constant complaining about your work, it just…it got too intense and I needed a break."

"Yes, you said as much at the restaurant. So my personal crisis was an _inconvenience_ for you."

"No, that's not what I meant at all."

"Well, clearly I've been annoying you with my complaints. How _rude_ of me that I let the calamity of my entire life's work interfere with _your _schedule. I must say, Amy, I thought you, of all people, would be far more supportive."

"Sheldon, please. You _know_ I support you. _Always_. It's just…that's all you've talked about for the past couple of weeks. I know it's important, and I know you feel lost right now, and I want to be here for you. I'm happy to discuss possible fields of study with you, but…sometimes you get focused so completely on _one_ thing that nothing else seems to matter."

He studied her for a moment as though trying to process the meaning behind her words.

"I've been feeling…_neglected_," she explained. "All of your time and energy has been focused on this single problem. You barely text me anymore during the day, we haven't had lunch together in days, and when you _have _made a point to speak to me, it's been strictly about this issue. When I try to help by offering suggestions, you shoot them all down before I can even explain my reasoning. And you haven't even…well, you haven't touched me since…"

She broke off, not sure if she was unwilling or unable to finish that thought.

"I see." Sheldon lowered his gaze to his hands, which were fiddling in his lap.

She was angry with herself. This wasn't how she had wanted this visit to go. She didn't really know what she had been expecting. Amy had never been in a relationship prior to this one, and as such, she was still learning, even now, how to navigate all of the challenging aspects of compromising with another person. She was well aware that dating a man like Sheldon only served to complicate things further. But she had definitely made her share of mistakes too. Sheldon could be so difficult, and sometimes the only way to get him to listen or see another point of view was to trick him into it. She knew how to push his buttons, what things would trigger him to react in a favorable way. But she knew that wasn't fair, and she didn't want to be that person—not with him. So instead she had done the very thing she had gotten upset with him over when he had done it to her—she had avoided him.

"Sheldon, I feel bad for what I've done. I don't want you to think that your problems aren't important to me. You are the most important thing in my whole _world_. I guess sometimes I just wish that you felt the same way about me."

Sheldon was staring at her, his lips parted and eyes wide with surprise. "Amy, is that really what you think? That you're not _important _to me? I know I can be self absorbed at times, but I thought our interactions and conversations as of late would have been more than proof enough that you're an integral part of my life."

She nodded, feeling foolish for ever doubting it. Although… "I just thought that maybe you had changed your mind. You haven't even kissed me since…well, since the last time we were at my apartment."

As if on cue, Sheldon leaned into her then, and pressed his lips to hers. It was gentle but firm, and it was over far too quickly, but it helped soothe some of the turmoil in Amy's heart.

"Better?"

She nodded. "A little."

"Amy, as you've pointed out, I have been focused on other things—matters of great importance. It's imperative that I figure out where my life is headed. I thought you would be able to relate to that."

"I am," she conceded. "But your life isn't _entirely_ about whether or not you're going to continue to focus on string theory. At least…I hope not…" She knew she would always come second to physics. She had always accepted that, but lately she was starting to hope that maybe she had moved up a bit so they were at least on a more even scale.

He tilted his head as he thought that over. "I think I understand. You're feeling threatened by the focus I've placed on my career. It is true that my ultimate objective in life is to win the Nobel Prize, and therefore, everything I do must—out of necessity—be focused on achieving that goal. But Amy, you're a part of that equation as well. You may not know it, but you keep me focused. Talking concepts over with you puts things into perspective. Your insights are extremely valuable. In addition, you help calm my nerves, and knowing you support my endeavors…well, _most_ of the time, at least…is a great comfort to me."

She cringed at that last comment, knowing she deserved it.

"You're right," she murmured. "I should have known. Please forgive me, Sheldon. I don't want us to play games with each other. I just want to get back to the way things were."

"You're forgiven."

"Really? So easily?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you've evaded punishment."

"Okay. What do you have in mind?"

Instead of answering, Sheldon frowned and tilted his head, rubbing the back of his neck. For the first time, Amy realized how rigid his posture was, the way he had been squirming in his seat ever since they had sat down.

"Sheldon, you seem tense. Are you in pain?"

"A little," he admitted. "I think it's just stress. I haven't been sleeping very well."

She decided to take a chance, and reached for him. "I'd like to help you…if you'll let me."

"What are you proposing?"

"Remember that time when I educated you on how to get rid of that crick in your neck?"

Deciding not to wait for an answer, she pressed the heel of her hand into the back of his shoulder and began to massage it gently. Sheldon swallowed and watched her, but made no move to stop her. Encouraged by his lack of protest, she moved her hand to his neck and dug her thumb into the base, rubbing with small circles. Sheldon let out a soft moan and dipped his head, allowing her access. Amy pushed on his arm, directing him to turn, and he shifted his weight in silent obedience so that his back was toward her. Amy wanted to pull his shirts off, but she decided that might be pushing it. Instead, she brought both hands up this time and began to knead the knotted muscles through the fabric, just above his shoulder blades.

Remembering her instructions to him long ago, she found a certain spot at his scapula near the acromion process at the ridge of his shoulder blade and bore down on it with her thumbs, rotating them in a circular motion. Sheldon's head fell back and his breathing grew ragged. Yep, that was the spot.

"Oh, _Amy_…"

She grinned in satisfaction.

"Yes," he breathed while she continued to manipulate the muscles. "Oh, yes."

Amy bit her lip as she increased the pressure. His soft murmuring was sending shivers of delight down her spine. Knowing that she could make him feel this good was a huge boost to her confidence, and it felt like it made up, in part, for the way she had let him down earlier.

Slowly, she trailed her fingers up the length of his neck until she reached the nape, delighting in the feel of the taut muscles beneath her touch, the way his body arched into her hands. As she slid them down toward the base again, he hitched his breath, and his shoulders relaxed.

She continued working his muscles for several long minutes, taking satisfaction in the way they began to loosen beneath her hands, the small sounds he was making, dotted here and there with a gasp or the murmur of her name.

"Okay," he announced after a while. "That's enough."

She pulled her arms away as he turned to face her, testing out his neck by craning it slowly back and forth.

"Thank you, Amy. I feel much better. You're very skilled with your hands."

She nearly choked at his words, smiling up at him brightly. "You're very welcome. I'd be happy to do it again whenever you need it."

Sheldon nodded and looked thoughtful for a moment. "All right," he announced. "Time for your punishment."

"Oh, umm…okay…"

"Stand up," he instructed.

Warily, Amy did so.

"Come stand in front of me."

She obeyed.

"Now turn around."

Amy exhaled a trembling breath, but did as he requested. An eternity seemed to pass before she heard his voice again, and when he spoke, she was surprised to hear that his words had taken on a deep, husky quality.

"Bend over."

"What?"

"I said, _bend over_."

The commanding tone in his voice sent goosebumps over her flesh. Feeling suddenly very exposed, she bit her lip and bent at the waist, placing her hands on her knees. She felt the skirt ride up the backs of her thighs, the hem coming to rest just below her underwear, and she heard Sheldon's intake of breath. This was the most he had ever seen of her body, and she found herself wishing she had worn tights. A moment later, she heard him rise, and she shut her eyes, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions as she considered the possibilities of what he was about to do.

Then came the familiar sting of a slap on her backside. More accurately, it landed across the tops of her thighs, just below where the hem of the skirt fell at this angle. Amy squeezed her eyes shut tighter and let out a little whimper. Sheldon's hand was firm yet gentle as he struck again, and the pain that tingled over her skin was rivaled by a wave of pleasurable excitement at his touch. One more smack, slightly harder this time, and she jerked and gasped at the sensation. Sheldon's hand lingered there, his fingers caressing slowly over the skin of her exposed thighs and easing away some of the sting. Amy chewed on her lips, savoring the contact, her heart soaring with the realization that she had been wrong—Sheldon had not changed his mind about his building desires after all.

Amy glanced back over her shoulder at him. "Sheldon," she whispered. Their eyes met, and Sheldon's lips began to curl into a smile.

"I hope you've learned your lesson this time," he said softly.

She straightened up and turned toward him, their gazes never faltering as they drew near to each other. Sheldon's hand remained on her thigh, caressing small circles over her skin, much as she had done with his back and neck only moments previous. A shiver ran through her and she fought against the urge to shut her eyes. And then the sound of the doorknob turning caused them both to jump and pull away.

With a look of exasperation, Leonard entered the apartment and shut the door. Then he spotted the two of them, and he froze. His eyes did a quick roam over Amy, and she felt herself blush.

"Am I…interrupting something?"

"No." Amy forced a shaky smile and reached for her coat again where she'd left it draped over the arm of the couch. She pulled it on quickly and tied the waist sash, concealing the costume from view. "I should really get going." As she turned to leave, Sheldon latched onto her hand again. She turned to look at him, fully aware that Leonard was still standing near the door, watching them. Sheldon pulled her in anyway, and pressed his lips gently to hers. She thought she could die happy with the simple reality that he was actually showing her affection in front of someone else.

When they pulled away, they shared a shy smile.

"Goodnight, Amy," Sheldon said.

"Goodnight, Sheldon."

With a nod at a flabbergasted Leonard, she exited the apartment and hurried down the stairs, her backside still stinging deliciously.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **Two chapters in two days…that's a record for this story! Since I'm not a scientist, I was forced to rely heavily on the internet, particularly Wikipedia, as references for this part. So if any geniuses or science majors out there are reading this, please forgive any mistakes. I had SO much fun writing this chapter. Sheldon just can't resist when Amy talks "dirty". LOL…

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Six**

"_Quantum physics makes me so happy. It's like looking at the universe naked." – Sheldon, The Transporter Malfunction_

She studied her phone, reading over her email for the tenth time that day.

_ Amy,_

_ You are cordially invited to an evening of wine and dining at 2311 Los Robles Ave, Apt 4A on Thursday, May 1__st__ at 6:00pm sharp. Please arrive as punctual as always._

_ Sheldon_

The message was so formal; he had never invited her on a date in this manner before. Amy wasn't sure what to expect, but as she climbed the stairs to Sheldon's apartment, she felt giddy with excitement. She had made plans of her own tonight as well, and she reached into her purse, curling her fingers around the manila envelope that was hidden within, just to assure it was still there. She hoped Sheldon would prove as delightfully surprised as she envisioned when she revealed its contents to him later.

Running her hands over the soft fabric of the floral dress she had chosen for the occasion, she knocked on the door. A moment later, it swung open to reveal a darkened apartment. Amy peered inside, and her breath caught. Candles had been placed strategically around the room, and their golden light flickered over the walls, casting its contents in a soft glow. A couple of lean tapers stood atop of the kitchen island, illuminating the dishes and wine glasses that had been set upon it. As the door drew open wider she noticed him for the first time, standing before her, dressed in her favorite grey suit—the one he had worn on Valentine's Day—and a blue tie that under normal lighting would have brought out the color of his eyes.

"Good evening, Amy," he said softly.

"Good evening, Sheldon," she smiled.

"Please," he made a sweeping gesture with his hand, ushering her inside, "come in."

Amy crossed the threshold and set her purse down on the floor near the coffee table. "Sheldon," she breathed, "this is amazing."

"I'm glad you think so. I really have no clue about this sort of thing, but Leonard and Raj gave me some pointers."

She nodded. "Well, they did well. I'll be sure to thank them later."

Once the door was shut, Sheldon reached for her hand. She stared up at him for a moment in disbelief before allowing him to take it. He curled his fingers around hers in a firm grasp, and she was left speechless. She had always loved this simple gesture; their hands fit so perfectly together, and his palm was always warm and dry. But despite their other amorous activities as of late, and aside from the occasional quick move to keep her from leaving, he had never taken the initiative before. She truly felt cared for in that moment as he gave her fingers a gentle squeeze and led her further into the room.

"Come on," he said as he steered her toward their makeshift dinner table. "We don't want our food to get cold."

As Amy took her seat, he set a steaming bowl before her, and she leaned in, inhaling the savory aroma of herbs and spices. "Mmm…this smells great, Sheldon! What is it?"

He smiled proudly. "It's my meemaw's famous potato and sausage soup."

"Ooh, and your sourdough bread?" Amy grinned as he set a fresh loaf before her, and the smell of baked dough and yeast invaded her senses. "What did I do to deserve all of this?"

"Well…Leonard was telling me how a woman likes to be made to feel as if she's important, and…seeing as how _you're _important to _me_…I wanted to make sure you were aware."

Amy melted inside, and she swallowed around the lump that had formed in her throat. "Thank you, Sheldon," she whispered.

He smiled at her and held up a bottle. "Wine?"

She stared at him in surprise. The invitation _had _mentioned alcohol, but even so… "I'd love some."

He poured her a glass and then took his seat beside her where she was surprised to find he had poured a glass of his own, only a third of the way full. Most likely, he wanted to ensure there wouldn't be a repeat of three weeks ago with the geology book fiasco.

"This is a really special recipe. My meemaw used to make this for me when I would come to visit, or when I was sick. When I was old enough, she taught me how to make it, and we'd spend hours cooking in her kitchen together while talking about my progress in physics."

"That's so nice," Amy said, taking a sip. "Mmm…Sheldon, this is so good!"

"I know! It's my favorite."

"Did it really take you hours to make this?"

"Two hours and thirteen minutes, to be exact. It usually takes longer than that because meemaw and I are talking so much. Cooking it alone is much quicker, although not really as fun."

Amy nodded, wondering if someday she might get to meet this loving woman whom Sheldon had always placed so high upon a pedestal. "Maybe you can show _me_ sometime, and we can make it together."

"Really?" His eyes lit up at the suggestion. "I'd like that."

"Then it's settled," she smiled.

She took a sip of her drink, swirling the burgundy liquid around in her glass. She wondered what had gotten into her boyfriend—attempting romance, drinking wine, cooking her such an involved dinner, and all on his own volition. It seemed as though she were in a parallel universe, and that he had been replaced with a more relaxed, thoughtful replica of himself.

"Umm…Amy?" Sheldon was staring down into his bowl, his chin propped in his hand, stirring the contents with his spoon.

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"Do you think it would be okay if I turned on the lights? Despite the fact that I made this myself, I'm not really comfortable putting something in my mouth when I can't see what I'm eating."

Amy smiled. "Of course."

"Thank you." He rose and flipped on the light switch, and then began to make his way around the room, extinguishing the many tiny flames. "In addition, I'm concerned about the fire hazard these pose."

She nodded again. Sheldon was always the logical one. She was just happy he had made the effort in the first place. He had certainly surprised her tonight. The fact that he left the two tall candles burning between them on the countertop astonished her even more, and she smiled happily at his thoughtfulness.

As he settled beside her again, they shared a coy smile and then dug into their food.

"Sheldon, this is the best meal I've had in a really long time."

"Thank you," he smiled. "I was really hoping you'd like it. How's the bread?"

"Delicious, as always." She bit into the slice on her plate and chewed happily for emphasis.

They ate in companionable silence, and once they had both finished, Amy sat back and rubbed her tummy appreciatively.

"Would you like some more," Sheldon asked.

"As much as I would love to, I can't eat another bite."

He nodded. "It really does fill you up, doesn't it? With all of us grandkids to take care of, meemaw has become an expert at making meals that go a long way."

Sheldon rose and reached for her empty bowl, but Amy stopped him with a touch of her hand. "Let me do that. You did all the cooking."

"That's not necessary," Sheldon argued. "This is your night, Amy. I didn't ask you over here so you could do the dishes."

"All right," she conceded as he took the used vessels to the kitchen and rinsed them in the sink. "But just so you know, this evening isn't all about _me_."

He turned to regard her then. "What do you mean?"

Amy could no longer hold in her enthusiasm. "Well, I've been thinking," she said. "I know you're still trying to figure out what area of study to go into next, and I've come up with some ideas."

"Oh?" Sheldon stepped toward her with a look of interest, drying his hands on a towel.

"I know you have a running list, so I took your top five and did some research on my own, drafting a comparison chart with some other areas that I thought might be of significance."

"Do tell."

"Well, at first I was considering quantum mechanics, since I know that's an interest of yours. But then I realized that although it provides a substantially useful framework for many features of the modern periodic table of elements, including the behavior of atoms during chemical bonding, it is highly complex and rife with paradoxes, which could lead to the same outcome you're facing right now."

She rose from her stool and took his hand, pulling him along with her to the couch. As Sheldon sank into his spot, she reached into her purse, pulling out the envelope she had brought with her. "From my extrapolations, I came up with my own version of a definitive list," she explained as she took her seat next to him, "factoring in your personal pursuits, your IQ, the possibility rate of breakthroughs and the plausibility of each field, and I marked off the ones I thought were the most viable options." She handed him the envelope and watched eagerly as he opened it and pulled out the neatly stapled packet of papers.

Sheldon's eyes roamed over the contents, his face lighting up with that rare exhilarated smile she so adored. "Amy, this is incredible."

She grinned. "I'm so glad you like it. I stayed up late every night this week putting it together."

"But…" Sheldon leafed through the papers again and then gazed up at her. "Why would you go to all this trouble?"

"For _you_. I wanted you to know that I was taking this seriously and that it matters to me. And I wanted to _show_ you that I'm here for you instead of just talking about it."

"That's…" It was one of those rare moments when Sheldon was at a loss for words. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She smiled as she leaned closer to him, pointing at her carefully constructed index of topics. "I still think that cosmology has a lot of promise. You've always been interested in the origins and fate of the universe. And, if you got into that realm of study, you could potentially work with Stephen Hawking."

"True. I'm still a bit leery of his current impression of me though. But I do agree that it would be a rewarding field of investigation. It's at the top of my current list as well."

"I think it would be particularly fulfilling to compare the scholarly and scientific aspects, and the laws that govern them, with the beliefs of religious cosmology and the traditions of creation and eschatology. If—and _when_—you prove successful, you could confirm once and for all the origin of the Big Bang."

Sheldon was staring at her, his lips parted and his head cocked, as though he had never quite seen her before. She swallowed, wondering if she had said something wrong, until he spoke again.

"Go on," he said.

"Okay…well, if we look at the geocentric Ptolemaic system from the time of Aristotle and Ptolemy which explained the motion of the heavens, and compare that to the heliocentric system of Copernicus, Kepler, and Galileo in the sixteenth century, we can see a prime example of epistemological rupture, which would...then lead to…"

Her voice trailed off at the expression on Sheldon's face. His jaw had dropped open, and there was a look in his eyes that reminded her of the one he had given her during their first real make-out session in her apartment all those weeks ago. Seeming to realize that she had stopped speaking, he straightened in his seat and cleared his throat, a rush of color washing over his cheeks.

"Is everything all right," she asked.

"Yes," he swallowed. "Keep talking."

Amy bit her lip. "R-recent observations made by the COBE and WMAP satellites," she continued in a shaky voice, "h-have effectively transformed cosmology from a highly speculative to a predictive science, as observations of background radiation match predictions of Cosmic inflation, which is a modification of the standard Big Bang model, thus rendering this the 'golden age' of—oomph!"

She fell flat against her back on the couch cushions, Sheldon's weight landing firmly on top of her, pinning her in place. He crushed his mouth against hers, the papers he had been holding falling to the floor with a rustle. She lay there in shock for a moment before softening into the kiss, and she reached up to run her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. Sheldon moaned and deepened the embrace, the sensation of his tongue against hers sending shivers of pleasure all the way down her body and into her toes. Pouring all of her passion into the act, she kissed him back, arching herself up into him and feeling the clear evidence of his arousal pressing into her hip.

Sheldon didn't back away this time. Instead he let out a groan as she ground against him, his hands trailing to the buttons at the front of her dress and slowly undoing the uppermost one.

The memory of a drunken Sheldon attempting this very thing three weeks ago flashed through her mind, and she couldn't contain a rush of arousal at the recollection. But this time, he wasn't intoxicated. This was all him; he was doing this of his own accord. His own _desire. _

When he pulled away from her, his gaze was so dark and filled with lust it seemed to burn into her very soul.

"Good _lord_, but it's sexy when you talk science."

_Sexy. _Amy gaped at him in complete awe. Never in all her time of knowing him had that word ever dared to escape his lips.

"Keep going," he coaxed, gazing at her through heavy lids, his tone low and gravelly.

Amy swallowed, staring up at him with a mix of excitement and nervousness. "Uh…well…there's also Dark Matter, which, of course, is an _extension_ of cosmology, and is key to explaining the effects of mass where no mass can be seen. Ummm…"

She hitched her breath as his hands continued to move lower, pulling open the buttons one by one with long, deft fingers.

"And?" His voice was barely above a whisper, and she seemed to have lost her own ability to speak entirely, her throat having gone dry.

She swallowed repeatedly, desperate to find her words again, to come up with a topic—_any_ subject at all—that could quell the anxious anticipation that was rushing through her at the movement of his hands.

"S…since…Dark Matter…umm…neither emits nor absorbs electromagnetic…uhh…radiation…at any significant level…it umm…it…"

Apprehension gripped her when she realized that he had managed to finish unbuttoning the entire bodice of her dress, and she grew silent as his hands settled at the waistline where the fastenings came to an abrupt halt.

"_It_…?" He prompted, snaking a single finger beneath the edge of the newly unfastened placket to caress lightly over her ribcage.

"I umm…I don't remember."

"Hmm…" Sheldon flashed her a look of disappointment and moved as though to lift himself off of her. "That's too bad."

"Wait!" Amy clutched at his shoulder and wracked her brain desperately for more information, but it was difficult to concentrate through the fog of sensation and emotion that currently enveloped her. "Based on the…standard model," she managed to continue, "the total mass-energy of the known universe only contains 4.9 percent ordinary matter."

Sheldon settled against her again, his lips curling into a seductive smile. "Is that so?" There was a devilish gleam in his eyes. Oh _god, _that _look_. She had never before witnessed an expression this feral on his face before, and it was so damn _hot. _Amy thought she would melt right through the leather of the couch.

"Dark matter," she managed to croak, in a voice that didn't sound a thing like her own, "makes up 26.8 percent, and…"

His lips pressed against hers again, his finger still mapping a tiny trail across her flesh. Amy gasped into his mouth, and he pulled away once more, staring at her with raised eyebrows, silently instructing her to go on.

"Umm…" She could barely get the words out now, her voice trembling with each utterance. "68.3 percent of that total is dark energy."

He kissed her again, and then withdrew, waiting.

"Which means that matter…is…umm…estimated to constitute…"

Another kiss.

"84.5 percent of the total matter in the universe…"

And _another_.

"While dark energy, with the addition of dark matter, constitutes…oh, _god, _Sheldon!"

His finger had found her nipple through the fabric of her bra and teased over it relentlessly. A spark of pleasure ignited beneath his touch and traveled downward, flaring deep within her very core.

Sheldon's face was so enticingly close to hers, his eyes dark with lust. He licked his lips as he studied her expression, and it was a struggle not to break his heated gaze. A shock of fear gripped her as he slid the fingers of both hands inside the front folds of her dress. Slowly, he brushed them across the skin just beneath her breasts, moving them in opposite directions toward her sides and effectively pulling the garment open in the process.

Time stood still as their breaths mingled in the silence, and she watched her boyfriend's face again. He was staring at her exposed flesh openly, running his gaze from her clavicle, down to the valley between her breasts, across her ribcage and back up again. His eyes scanned over her calculatingly, and she knew he was committing every bump and dip and imperfection to memory. Amy had longed for this so many times, but now that she was lying vulnerable before him, she felt lost, helpless and afraid. She pushed herself up on her elbows, self-consciousness overcoming desire.

"Sheldon…"

Never once averting his gaze from her body, he pressed a finger against her lips, effectively silencing her.

"Incredible," he whispered, and her breath caught in her throat.

Did he really think that? _Could _he really feel that way about her?

But when he brushed his fingertips feather light over the exposed skin of her collarbones, she found herself drowning in his declaration, and she lay back, shutting her eyes, enjoying the sensation of him touching her far more intimately than he ever had before.

"_I place a hot trail of kisses across your chest." _

The memory of their Dungeons and Dragons fantasy came to her unbidden in that moment, and she remembered the way his words alone had ignited something primal deep within her.

"_I lean up into your touch, nibbling on your earlobe with my teeth."_

"_I moan in pleasure and reach up to cup your breast."_

_They had drawn closer to one another at some point, the dice laying there atop the book on the bed, long forgotten as they took turns vocalizing fantasies they had never before dared to utter._

"_I whisper your name into your ear and trail my hands down your neck."_

"_I find your nipple and lean over to tease it with my tongue."_

The feel of his hand stroking the valley between her breasts drew her back to reality, and she gasped, opening her eyes to take in his dazed expression. She hadn't thought it could get much better than that night so long ago when he had uttered those expressions of passion in a low, hoarse voice as they sat together in the privacy of his bedroom. But this reality was _so _much beyond anything she had yet experienced.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I should have asked…"

Now it was her turn to silence him. "No. It's all right, Sheldon. I trust you, remember? You just surprised me again." She laid a hand over his, which was still resting against her chest, and rubbed small, reassuring circles against his skin. "It feels nice."

Sheldon swallowed and nodded, and she took this as a sign that he understood. With one last brush of her thumb over the back of his hand, she released her grip and arched up onto his touch. His fingers began to move again, ever so slowly, trailing a path down the length of her torso to where it disappeared beneath the waistband of her dress.

"Your skin is so soft," he murmured. "I like the way it feels."

"It likes you back," she smiled.

They stared at one another for a long moment, Sheldon's gaze roaming over her face.

"Did you know," Amy whispered, breaking the silence, "that gravity is a natural phenomenon by which all physical bodies attract one another?"

"Of course I did." There was a hint of derision in his tone, but his voice was soft, and he gulped again, clearly affected by her words.

"And were you aware," she continued in the same quiet timbre, "that it's one of the four fundamental forces of nature, along with electromagnetism and the nuclear strong and weak forces?"

"Of course," Sheldon replied, staring at her lips. "Everyone knows that."

"So then you also know when you asked me last week if I had _Gravity_ under my skirt, what you were, in fact, implying?"

Sheldon's brow furrowed as he contemplated her meaning for a moment. Then his jaw fell open, and Amy smirked.

"You are a naughty little vixen," he breathed, and captured her lips with his once again.

Amy giggled against his mouth and began to squirm as his fingers teased over her ribcage, tickling her.

"Sheldon, stop. Stop!" She gasped, breaking the kiss.

His hands stilled, and she stared up at his grinning face, biting her lip. Gathering her courage, she reached up, tugging on his tie and bringing his mouth to hers again in a searing kiss. Then she pressed her hands against his chest and pushed him gently away so that he was hovering over her. He searched her face, and she could detect a hint of uncertainty lingering in his gaze. But when she dragged her fingers to the collar of his shirt, he seemed to understand.

Sheldon kept very still as he allowed her to pull the neckline loose and slowly undo the buttons, yanking the hem up and freeing it from where it had been tucked into his pants. Once she had finished, she slipped her hands beneath the fabric, reveling in the feel of his smooth skin beneath her fingertips. It felt so _good _to touch him—better than she could have ever imagined, and she trailed her fingers up under the lapels of his jacket, sliding both garments together down his arms.

He took the hint, sitting up briefly to pull the sleeves from his wrists, rendering his torso nude except for the tie. He tugged on it impatiently until it had loosened enough so that he could get it over his head. Then he tossed the vestments onto the floor, not seeming to care where they landed. She stared at him, surprised at his carefree attitude. Her thoughts were quickly hushed however, as he leaned into her again, rubbing skin against skin to capture her lips with his own.

Amy moaned, running her hands over his back, delighting in the warmth of his body. His right hand found her breast again, gently groping as the left held him propped up over her while they continued to devour one another. He pulled his face away from hers briefly to cock his head in the opposite direction before pressing his mouth to hers again, this new angle allowing him to deepen the embrace further, stealing her breath away.

When he pulled back, he was staring at her with a serious expression, his palm still pressed gently against the swell of her flesh. "Is this okay," he inquired.

Amy nodded vigorously. Oh, yes, it was much _more_ than okay.

"Amy, you…I…"

She could tell he was struggling to find the right words to express what he was feeling in that moment. So instead of watching him stress himself over it, she pulled him closer, running her hands over his chest and kissing a trail across his jaw and down the column of his throat, showing him she understood. She felt him swallow beneath her movements, his breath growing ragged, and she delighted in the feel of his Adam's apple pressing against her lips.

"Amy," he whispered, and his fingers slipped beneath the edge of her bra cup to brush over the sensitive bud of flesh, unhindered for the first time.

She nearly bucked off the couch at his touch, knocking him backward. He snatched his hand away, a look of panic breaking out over his features.

"Do it again," Amy soothed quickly, and his expression softened, the fear leaving his eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Ohh yes. _Please_."

He leaned in again, but this time, he hooked his fingers beneath the straps of her bra, and she lifted herself up a bit so he could slide them and the shoulders of her dress down her arms. She pulled herself free of the bands and outer garment quickly, leaving nothing but the back strap of her bra in place, the cups that cradled her breasts the only barrier between modesty and exposure. Sheldon watched her face as he carefully pulled the edge of one down, baring her flesh to his greedy gaze for the first time. She held her breath as his sight trailed lower, the cool air teasing her nipple to tautness.

Sheldon just stared for the longest moment, his chest rising and falling as he took her in. He had seen her naked before, but this felt so much different. Before, when he'd bathed her, he had respectfully averted his gaze, but this time, he studied her eagerly, wetting his lips with his tongue. Figuring there was nothing left to lose, Amy reached behind her and with trembling fingers, undid the clasp that held her bra in place. Then she lay back, allowing him to make the final decision.

Sheldon's hands shook as he slowly pulled the garment down her torso and tossed it aside. She bit her lip, waiting with baited breath as he gently cupped her breasts, caressing her nipples with his palms. Her eyes fell shut and she tipped her head back, delighting in the wave of pleasure that crashed over her at this simple touch. Oh, how she had dreamed of this moment, but a part of her thought it would never become a reality. She had often wondered what it would be like to feel his hands on her naked body, but this surpassed everything she had ever envisioned. His tender stroking was so soft, so uncertain, yet somehow skilled, as if he knew exactly how to touch her to send shivers of delight straight to the nerve endings nestled between her thighs.

He kissed her again, and she pulled him closer, running her tongue against his as she let her inhibitions go, giving in fully to the sensations he was igniting through her body. He broke the contact a moment later to brush his lips over her chin and down her neck, pausing to rain tiny kisses against the dip at the base of her throat, and then she felt him pause.

When she gazed down at him, she found him staring up at her with questioning eyes. She offered a trembling smile, hoping to soothe his fears—and her own—and she nodded, giving her consent. His eyes fell shut then as he continued to map a trail over her flesh, his hot breath washing over her before coming to rest at her sternum. One hand groped her gently as he pressed his mouth to her flesh again and again, slowly inching closer to her nipple with each caress. At last he dared to kiss her there, his lips pressing feather light. Amy arched her back involuntarily, and her hands came up to thread through his hair, tugging gently on the strands and urging him—_begging_ him for more.

Seemingly encouraged by her reaction, his tongue at last found the sensitive nub, and flicked against it lightly, engulfing her flesh in wet heat. Amy cried out and thrust her head back against the cushion, her chest heaving.

"Oh, Sheldon," she breathed, clutching more tightly at his hair.

He exhaled loudly, continuing to explore with his hands and mouth, his tongue leaving hot trails over her flesh. She wanted to touch him back, to feel his body beneath her hands. Reaching for him, she found his own nipples and ran her fingers over them gently, rubbing small circles over the pert buds, smaller yet apparently still as sensitive as her own.

Sheldon bit his lip, his head falling back with a groan. And while there was an immediate sense of loss as his mouth left her skin, she basked in the image of his flushed face, contorted with pleasure. She never thought she would live to see the day, and it was a beautiful sight to behold. His lips were slightly parted, long lashes brushing against his cheeks as he squeezed them shut against the wave of sensation she knew was coursing through him. The fact that _she _was doing this to him, that he had not only allowed her to touch him so intimately, but that he was actually _enjoying_ it, was euphoric.

Emboldened, she continued to caress his flesh, teasing the nubs to hardness as one hand trailed down to brush over his abdomen before coming to rest at the waistline of his pants.

Sheldon's eyes snapped open and he pulled away from her suddenly, his breathing hard and shallow.

Amy pulled her hands away immediately, holding them up near her face as if to prove that she was no longer touching him.

"I'm sorry," she blurted. "I didn't mean—I…"

"Amy…" Sheldon's eyes fell shut again, and he leaned into her, pressing his forehead against hers. "I…I can't. Not yet. It's just too much."

She nodded. "I understand. I didn't mean—I wasn't going to—"

"I know," he said quickly, taking one of her flailing hands and threading his fingers through hers. "I'm sorry, I just…I need more time."

She swallowed and nodded again, knowing that this wasn't an act of rejection, just a need for composure and control.

"It's okay, Sheldon. This moved a bit quicker than I anticipated. But it was nice." She smiled up at him, hoping to soothe his fears.

He nodded, offering a faint smile of his own. "It was." His voice was whisper light, his eyes still dilated as he licked his lips. He reached behind her, pulling the sides of her dress around her to cover her as best he could, and she had to smile at his consideration.

Sheldon sat up and reached over the edge of the couch for her bra, handing it to her and then picking up his own clothes. He watched her as he began to dress, his eyes roaming over her body one last time, and she felt her face heat up beneath his gaze.

"I promise we'll get there," he said.

She nodded. "I know."

He squeezed her hand again before pulling his shirt on and buttoning it up. He left the blazer and tie draped over the arm of the couch as he rose and turned his back to her, presumably to give her some privacy as she finished dressing.

"Would you like some dessert?"

"You mean…that _wasn't_ the dessert?" She teased.

He flashed her a chiding glance over his shoulder, but wasn't quite able to conceal his smile. "You're going to be the death of me, woman. Now get over here and help me cut this cake."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:** Hoo boy, was this chapter ever difficult to write! I don't really know why, aside from the fact that I had a bout of writer's block and I'm learning how difficult it can be to write a story where you're depending in part on what is coming up in the episodes. There's also the fact of trying to advance a story and the characters while trying to keep said characters true to themselves. But thanks to all of your encouraging comments and some great discussion on the TBBT boards, I was finally able to work past it. Ironically, it's the upcoming chapters which should be the hardest to write, for the subject matter alone, but I think those will actually prove way easier because I have a much better idea where those are going. This chapter isn't my favorite, but I hope you'll all like it anyway. By necessity, in accordance of where I see next season going, I felt the need for Sheldon to start growing just a bit and for him to start realizing a few things. I think I still managed to keep him in character as much as possible with that tiny bit of growth, but I guess I'll let you guys be the judge of that.

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Seven**

"_Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that." – Sheldon, The Gothowitz Deviation_

Sheldon stood before his whiteboard, staring at the same equation he'd been gazing at all morning. His brain was numb with drowsiness after having stayed up most of the night watching Star Wars films for the May the Fourth celebration with his friends. He really should have called in sick, he reflected, but Sheldon Cooper did not take sick days unless there was a medical emergency, and so he had dragged both himself and Leonard into the office.

He had begun to suspect that the only reason the guys had stayed so late was because they thought he'd needed comfort. Perhaps—on some level, at least—they had been right. Not that he would ever admit that aloud. All four of them had dozed off at some point after the girls had gone home, rendering their whole movie watching endeavor rather pointless in the end. But regardless, if he was honest with himself, he had been grateful for their company.

What little sleep he _had _managed had been broken, and was laden with the guise of the newly deceased Professor Proton. From a scientific perspective, he presumed this to be his brain's way of coping with the man's death, and for finding the answers buried deep within himself to all the many questions that were currently plaguing him. Or perhaps the fact that he had been dressed as Obi Wan Kenobi was a simple connection to the day's activities. Whatever the case, his elderly mentor had been a welcome sight indeed, and he was glad he could keep the man with him a bit longer, even if only via his dreams.

Again, Arthur's words flitted through his mind—_"Appreciate them, Sheldon."_—and he considered all the important people who factored into his life. He thought of his mother and his meemaw, of Missy and even George, and he realized he hadn't called home in a while. He thought of Leonard. The man had always been such a good friend to him. He had helped him just recently, in fact, by giving him some sound advice about his relationship with his girlfriend. He should have acknowledged it sooner, should have admitted to him the significant role he played in his existence and the gratitude he felt for all of the ways he had made things easier on him. Hugging Leonard last night had felt surprisingly reassuring and had filled him with a sense of belonging and brotherly affection. He thought about Penny and how she had grown on him over the years. She had gradually taken on the role of a sisterly figure who, despite their spats and differing points of view, had shown him a great deal of caring. He thought about Raj and Howard who had been companions and partners in crime for so many years. He even thought about Bernadette, the tiny microbiologist whom he knew the least out of everyone in his social group, but who had always found a way of keeping him and the others in check when the need so arose. And then there was Professor Proton himself—his friend, Arthur Jeffries. Another man he had looked up to was now dead, and there was nothing at all he could do about it.

But every one of them took a back seat to Amy.

Even with everything else falling apart around him, she was his constant. And he needed her now. Everything would be okay, all would right itself if he could just see her. He really had no idea what had come over him, thinking this way, but he could no longer deny what he knew to be true. At least not to himself. Not about this.

This was all Penny's fault, he mused. If she had never dragged him to that damn psychic, he would never have been forced to confront his inner voice, which had been nudging him for months now to acknowledge his feelings. No…that wasn't quite true. He had been having thoughts—and _acting_ on them—of his own accord, even before that strange lady or Penny herself had pointed out his lack of commitment to Amy and his need for her in his life. He knew his girlfriend deserved much more than he had so far been willing to give her, but making a change that huge scared the hell out of him. It was too much too soon, and added to everything else that was shifting so drastically, he wasn't sure he could handle it.

Without her, he reflected, he would be a different person. Before he'd met her, he had liked himself just the way he was—with no attachments, his emotions guarded, his heart and mind impenetrable to outside forces. But she had broken through that barrier. And while he often found himself resisting each new crack in his meticulously crafted armor, once he had come to accept them one by one for the favorable advancements they were, he had realized how much more content he had become. The man he once was had evolved over the past four years. He recognized the steps they had made together for what they were now—evolution. And he didn't want to deny himself the benefits of that metamorphosis any longer.

But the question still remained. _Could_ he commit to her? The way she truly deserved? The answer was a mystery, veiled in the shadows of the darkest recesses of his heart.

He should text her, he decided then, ask her to see him. He needed to look at her, to hear the lilt of her voice, to touch the soft skin of her hand. Although he could not explain the sentiment, he was overcome with the need to validate that she was real and that he had not simply conjured her in his mind the same way he'd done with Professor Proton. He was quite certain he wouldn't be able to breathe properly again until he laid eyes on her.

His mind was plagued with memories of their last date night. The way she had spouted off all those scientific facts had driven him wild. He had always loved her mind; her intelligence was so…_alluring_. He pictured her body too, soft and yielding beneath his hands. He recalled the gentle sounds she'd made as he'd caressed her flesh. He could still feel the way she had arched into him, hear her cry his name when his hands and mouth had landed in just the right locations. It had been so _amazing_ to watch her react, to see the glimmer in her eyes and the way her chin tilted back as she shut them in pleasure. Not for the first time, he found himself grateful for his eidetic memory. He was certain that he could spend a lifetime playing those images over and over and never tire of them.

Then there was the way _she_ had touched _him._ He had never experienced anything so mind bending before. He had been hesitant at first when she'd reached up to unbutton his shirt, but his curiosity and his need had overpowered his apprehension. When his skin had been freed to the open air and he had felt her warm hands on him, every trepidation, every thought he had ever had seemed to completely flee his mind. His brain, for the first time in his life, had gone entirely silent. All that had existed was Amy and her soft lips and the stroke of her hands. In those few glorious moments, Sheldon had lost himself. And while he'd panicked for a moment at that realization, he acknowledged now how good it had felt to let himself go like that. There was a peace that came with such freedom.

He realized then, as he considered his own jumbled thoughts, that his life was much like this unsolved equation. The numbers were there, clear as day, staring him blank in the face. It _should _have been easy. He should have been able to assess the pieces individually and think clearly about how to put them all back together into one coherent whole. But things weren't that simple—not with his job, nor his feeling of loss, and certainly not with Amy. The math was logical, yet with all of his intelligence, he simply could not solve it.

Determined to silence this inner turmoil, Sheldon at last pulled out his phone and began to type a message.

-_Amy, I'm sorry for the late request, but would you be opposed to an impromptu date night this evening after work? I can meet you at your apartment.-_

He leaned against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. Emotions were absurd things, he reflected. So many feelings were swirling through him that he had always pushed away before—fear, sorrow, affection. Maybe his interactions with Amy were turning him into a bit of a hippie. But then again, he had started to wonder if that was really as condemning a notion as he had always thought it to be.

His phone chimed then and he smiled as he read over her reply.

_-Of course, Sheldon. I would love to see you this evening. I get off work at 5:00.-_

_-I'll be there at 6:00- _He texted back.

_-Great, see you then!-_

Sheldon exhaled, some of the pressure in his chest dissipating. He would see her soon, and things would right themselves. Something about her proximity always seemed to relieve his tension-at least when it wasn't a direct cause of having her near_._

He clutched the phone and kept it pressed against his chest for a long while as he turned his attention again to his board. So many mysteries to solve. So many unknowns. So many variables.

* * *

When Amy arrived home, she was surprised to find Sheldon sitting on the floor in the hallway beside her door. Well, more accurately, he was sitting on his messenger bag, but it was unexpected nevertheless. His gaze was far away and he seemed absorbed in his own thoughts. She wondered if Arthur's death was still eating at him, and it pained her to know how much he was silently suffering over the loss of a man he had looked up to. As she approached, her presence seemed to draw him from his stupor, and he gazed up at her. A lost expression flashed across his face before it was replaced with something softer—a look, she had not failed to notice, that he reserved only for her.

"Sheldon? What's going on? Is everything all right? I didn't expect you until later." She offered him a hand, which he took without protest, and she hoisted him to his feet.

"I'm fine," he said softly, brushing the invisible dust from his bag as she unlocked the door. "I left work early. I couldn't concentrate."

Amy nodded, figuring that a huge part of that lack of focus stemmed from yesterday's horrible news, coupled with the fact that he and the rest of the guys planned to stay up half the night watching Star Wars. She had lingered for a while, attempting to feign interest, because she was aware what those movies meant to him and she had known what a fragile state he was in, whether or not he chose to admit it. But when midnight rolled around and she found herself dozing off, she had decided it was best to go home. She hadn't slept well that night, her concern for Sheldon burning in her mind. She had been so tired today that she had eagerly looked forward to crawling into bed early, but when her phone went off this morning asking her for a date, she simply could not refuse. She was glad he wanted to see her; she was hoping he would be ready to talk and that she might be able to help him through some of his grief.

"Are you feeling any better now," she asked once she had closed the door.

Sheldon shook his head. He didn't even try to hide his emotions from her this time. "Not really. Though, after you left, I fell asleep on the couch and Arthur did come to me in a dream again. It was nice to see him…even though I know he wasn't _really _there."

Amy nodded. "It's nice that you can keep him with you that way. I know he meant a lot to you."

"He did," Sheldon admitted, sinking down onto the couch. Again that forlorn expression crossed his face and he seemed helpless.

Amy searched for a way to lift his spirits, knowing that a hot beverage probably wouldn't cut it this time. But she also knew that Sheldon wasn't really one for discussing his feelings. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He sighed. "I don't know."

She studied his profile as he stared down at his hands which were wrenching in his lap. There were so many emotions swirling through him, and she could see them all alight in his eyes, fading from one into the next. She wondered what was really going through that clever brain of his in that moment and she wished he would talk to her, that just this once, he would open up and set free all the hurt and fear and anguish she knew was bubbling inside of him.

When he said nothing further, she switched to a different tactic. "Do you want some cake?"

Sheldon's eyes lit up at that, and her heart warmed at the sight of it. How she loved being able to soothe the pain even if only for the briefest of moments.

"You have cake?"

"Yes, I had to make a couple of those Death Stars because the first one rolled off the table when we were about to decorate it. Don't worry!" She added quickly at the disturbed look on his face. "We threw that one away. This is just the leftovers I cut off so I could put the two halves together and make it into a sphere."

Sheldon's shoulders visibly relaxed and his smile returned. "Okay then."

Amy smiled back and moved to the kitchen, cutting them each a slice and dishing them out onto plates. "Do you want milk, or would you like some tea?"

"Milk is fine."

As she was reaching into the refrigerator, the memory of him pressing her up against its surface flashed into her mind, and she nearly dropped the jug she was pulling from the shelf. Now was not the time for such things, she chastised herself. Sheldon needed her, and the urgency of his situation was greater than her own at the moment.

"Amy?"

She turned and saw that he had risen from the couch and was now leaning against the counter, watching her.

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For the Death Star cake. That was amazing."

"You're welcome, Sheldon. I'm so glad you liked it."

"And for this." He gestured vaguely from her to the kitchen to the plates of dessert. "And for always being here when I need you."

The last part was spoken so softly she almost thought she'd heard it wrong. But when she gazed up at him again and saw the look in his eyes, she knew she hadn't imagined it.

"Sheldon," she murmured, "you never have to thank me for that. I…I love you…" The words still felt so weird to say out loud. They had only ever exchanged the sentiment once after all, and his confession had seemingly been by accident at that, so the mere concept of being able to bare her innermost feelings to him was still a foreign one. "I'll always be here," she went on. "I hope you know that."

Sheldon swallowed and simply nodded, gazing down at the countertop. Again, she found herself wishing she could read his mind.

She recapped the milk after pouring them each a glass and returned it to the fridge. As she straightened, she sensed his presence behind her. She grew still when she felt him lay his hands on her shoulders and then slowly slide them down her arms, caressing them through the fabric of her long sleeved shirt. She shivered involuntarily and leaned into him, pressing her back against his chest. His palms stroked down her arms again before brushing over her sides and wrapping around her waist, holding her close. He pressed his face into the top of her head, rubbing his cheek against her hair.

His chest convulsed against her and his breathing grew ragged while he just held her for a long time, his grip firm and almost possessive. She worried for a moment that he was crying, but soon his breath evened out and his body stilled. Amy reveled in the sensation of this affectionate embrace, feeling in that moment, closer to him than she ever had before.

"I'm glad you're here." His breath washed over her ear, and she shuddered, both at the sensation and at the sweetness of his words.

Amy laid her arms over his and threaded their fingers together, squeezing gently. "I'm glad _you're_ here too," she murmured, wishing she could bask in this moment forever.

When at last they broke apart, she took a moment to compose herself. "Let's sit down and eat," she managed, handing him a plate and a glass. "Do you want to watch TV?"

"No." Sheldon shook his head as he accepted the dishes from her and made his way back to the couch.

She was surprised at that, but even more so by his seeming lack of interest in the food and drink, as he set them down on the coffee table and turned to face her instead. She set down her own glass, but took a bite of cake, chewing it thoughtfully as she waited for him to say something.

"Amy, I'm…" He bit his lips and his face scrunched as he fought back a wave of emotion.

She sat frozen, waiting for him to go on, and when he shut his eyes, she was shocked to see the glisten of wetness just below his lashes. She abandoned her dessert to the coffee table then and scooted closer to him, carefully wrapping her arms around him and just holding him close.

His hand came up to grip her waist, and he spoke with a ragged breath. "Everything is just…spiraling out of control. I don't…I don't know how to deal with it. For the first time in my life I feel…unequipped."

Amy had seen him cry before, but this was more poignant than tears. Never had she witnessed such raw emotion from her boyfriend. As she squeezed him harder, she found herself thankful that he had come to _her_ for this. He hadn't gone to Leonard or Penny or any of their other friends. He had sought solace in _her_, knowing instinctively that she would understand, that she could offer him the depth of comfort he so desperately needed.

"There are some things in life that we just can't prepare ourselves for, no matter how much we try," she soothed. "I know you're dealing with _so much_ right now, but things won't stay like this forever. It will get better. You have a great support group of friends and family…and you have me."

Sheldon pulled away just enough to gaze into her face, his eyes filled with an unreadable emotion as they stared back into hers. "I have _you_," he whispered.

She sank into him willingly when his lips pressed against hers, and she kissed him back with all the tenderness and love that was in her. His fingers clutched at her back, the harsh cadence of his breath announcing the waves of emotion that were still pouring off of him.

Amy let him do what he wanted, following his cues willingly and eagerly. Sheldon tugged her closer and she nearly lost her breath for a moment as he thrust his tongue deep into her mouth. His lips worked over hers again and again, pulling away only to press against them harder with each new point of contact. There was desperation in this embrace, a primal _need _for something that went beyond words. She latched onto his arms, digging her fingers into his biceps, and slowly running them up to his shoulders, along his neck and into his hair as they continued to kiss.

Sheldon moaned as his fingertips trailed up her spine, sending tingles of pleasure to every nerve ending. They found the back of her head, tangling in her tresses, and holding her there, so impossibly close that their panting breaths merged into one.

When at last he pulled away, she saw that familiar dark look in his eyes and savored the way his lust-filled gaze was accentuated by his mussed hair. He really _was _sex on a stick, she decided.

"Amy," he whispered. "I need you. Please. I need you so much it hurts."

The breath was completely knocked out of her at these words. Could he possibly mean…? But before she could really contemplate what he was telling her, his lips were pressed against hers again, his fingers tugging at the buttons on her sleeveless cardigan, and her brain—as biologically impossible as she knew it was—had turned completely to mush.

Once the sweater had been fully unbuttoned, and she felt his hands tugging at the collar of her blouse, she reached up and gripped his wrists, stilling his hands and breaking the kiss. "Sheldon," she murmured, gazing into his face, "are you sure?"

A hint of fear lit in his eyes, but he nodded. And then, biting his lip, he returned to his task, slowly undressing her.

Hesitation gripped her. She wanted this. _Lord_, how she wanted it. But she didn't want—_could not_—take advantage of his vulnerability. "Sheldon, I think—"

"_Please_," he said again. But he had once again ceased his movement.

Amy swallowed as she studied his expression and the pleading desire burning in his eyes.

He lowered his hands and placed them in his lap. "I'm sorry," he said, looking away. "I shouldn't have presumed—"

"I want you, Sheldon," she reassured. He glanced at her briefly before averting his gaze again. "I _do._ I just don't want to do anything to jeopardize—I mean, I just want to make sure that we're both doing this for the right reasons, and—"

He leaned into her, placing soft kisses over the line of her jaw and up toward her ear. He paused then, running his tongue over the lobe, and she shuddered. "I need to do this, Amy." His hot breath washed over her ear and it was all she could do not to faint on the spot. "I _want_ to."

She nodded then, at a complete loss for words. Her boyfriend, Sheldon Cooper, wanted to—well, she wasn't quite sure exactly. But he wanted _her_, and that was enough.

* * *

An uncertain smile flitted across his lips when he pulled away to look at her again, but his hands found the rest of her buttons, undoing them one by one until he was able to pull the shirt open. He would never tire of her smooth skin against his fingertips. He ran them across the familiar territory of her collar bones and down her shoulders, savoring the sensation. The garments followed the trail of his hands, slipping down her arms, and Amy pulled herself free, sitting before him in her bra, skirt and tights, and gazing up at him with a look of adoration mixed with apprehension.

Yet again, he stilled himself, concerned that he was scaring her. Maybe she didn't want this after all. He would never force himself on her. But when her hands found the hem of his shirts and began pulling them up his body, some of his worry dissipated. He wasn't even sure what it was he wanted exactly, only that he needed her desperately—to feel her skin against his, to hear her soft sounds of pleasure, to turn off his brain if even only for a moment, and surrender to the sensations that surged through his body at her touch.

Sheldon raised his arms, allowing her to pull the garments over his head. She draped them across the back of the couch and then stared at him openly, licking her lips. It was illogical how exposed he felt beneath her gaze; it wasn't as though she hadn't looked at his bare torso before. But when she laid her hands on him, he forgot everything else.

One palm pressed against his chest as the fingertips of the other brushed feather light over his forehead and down the bridge of his nose, across his cheek and down to his jaw. He shut his eyes, suppressing a shiver and tipped his head back as her hands continued their path down the column of his throat. There was something so provocative in this gentle caress, and he would have been content to sit there forever, lost in the feeling of her skin against his.

She slid her hands over his shoulders and across his bare chest, and he silently hoped she would find the sensitive buds of flesh as she had done during their last date night. When she obliged, he let out a soft moan and tipped his head back further, lost in the sensation as she teased them to hardness. Pleasure spiked through him, traveling down through his belly, and another part of him sprang to attention as well, straining against the fabric of his pants.

He sensed her leaning into him then, felt the brush of her hair against his bare skin as she pressed her lips where her fingers had just been. Oh yes…his naughty little vixen had found his nipple with her tongue, reciprocating his actions from the other night, and _dear lord_ did it feel fantastic. He let out a long, shaky breath as she teased over his flesh, sucking and nibbling, her teeth grazing the sensitive nub, and he could not suppress the guttural groan that escaped his throat.

He reached for her, his hand coming to rest on her knee, and his fingers pressed into her nylon covered flesh. Amy hitched her breath but she didn't pull away. Instead she trailed kisses across his chest, moving to repeat her maddening treatment on the other side. Sheldon gasped as her teeth hit just the right mark, and his cock spasmed with a life of its own. He clutched at her thigh as his entire body awakened to the sensations her touch invoked.

Amy pulled away then to look him in the face, her expression uncertain. Sheldon's chest rose and fell with harsh exhalations, and their panting breaths mingled in the silence. He remembered the way she'd soothed him last time, and he mimicked her movements, rubbing her thigh in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.

She shut her eyes then in apparent enjoyment of his caress, and she brought one hand to his own knee, touching it tentatively. Sheldon bit his lip. She was so close to touching him where his body burned for her contact, and he waited with bated breath as she began to knead the muscles, slowly moving up his leg.

Lust overcame him then, and he snaked his fingers beneath the hem of her skirt, hating those stockings and longing to feel the softness of her bare skin. He stroked over this previously undiscovered part of her body, moving upward to mimic the trail her hand was tracing over his own flesh.

Her lips pressed against his throat again, and her free hand mapped a trail down his chest and belly and back up again as the other one continued its tentative kneading near the apex of his thighs. He needed more of her, wanted to explore every inch, to feel every dip and curve. He brushed his fingers higher, the hem of her skirt sliding up her body, and he was overcome with the urge to rip her stockings free.

Again his mouth found hers and their bodies collided, their fingers tangling into one another's hair. He kissed her deeply, holding her as close to him as humanly possible. When at last they pulled apart, they gazed down at their occupied hands, neither of which had ceased its movements. Through the fog in his brain, Sheldon could not quite believe what was happening. His hand was so far up her skirt, so dangerously close to something he never thought he would ever desire. Their eyes met again, and it was as if they'd both been snapped awake to the reality of what they were doing. Slowly, they began to draw their hands away.

But there was something in her eyes, something building inside his own chest that gave him pause, and before he knew what either of them were doing, they had again melded into one another, devouring each other hungrily. Their hands began to move again, completely of their own accord, and when he felt her fingers brush against his erection at last, he broke the kiss, throwing his head back with a ragged gasp. The deliciousness lasted only a second, and then she was pulling away. In a panic, he latched onto her hand, settling it against him again, urging her onward.

With a sharp exhalation of breath, Amy's fingers stroked over his entire length for the first time. Instinctively, his hand clutched at her upper thigh, digging into the soft skin. She gasped and he opened his eyes to find her biting her lower lip, her eyes heavily lidded as she watched her own hand slowly caress him.

Never in all his life had he imagined it could feel like this. She was barely touching him. Layers of cloth separated them. And yet the sensation was so intense it consumed him completely until nothing else existed.

"Amy…oh, Amy…"

His hand jerked involuntarily as her fingers continued their gentle teasing, and his thumb rubbed over the front of her panties. It was a wonder how soft she was beneath that patch of fabric, and he was surprised at the wetness that had already gathered there.

Amy was panting, and her own hand stilled for a moment as he stroked over that sensitive spot again, reveling in the way she squirmed beneath his touch. Her eyes fell shut and he studied her face, the way her lips parted and her cheeks had flushed pink with arousal.

At last she opened her eyes again to meet his gaze, and they stared at one another as their hands began to move in synch again. She continued to graze her fingers over him in long strokes as his thumb massaged gentle circles over the soft flesh between her legs. He really had no idea what he was doing, but if her facial expressions and breathy moans were any indication, he figured he must be doing something right.

Sheldon struggled to hold her gaze as Amy grew bolder, capturing his erection between her thumb and fingers and applying more pressure, squeezing gently. A guttural groan forced its way past his lips, and his own hand quickened its pace, eliciting a gasp and a moan from his girlfriend. Her other hand gripped his shoulder and he could tell she was trying to steady herself against the sensations he was causing.

"Sheldon..." she panted.

The touch of her hand was so sweet, so enticing. It was glorious and tragic and overwhelming all at once. And for the first time ever in his life, he found himself wanting to surrender, to drown in the vortex of pleasure that had begun to stir within him, building higher and higher as her hand worked its magic.

His hips bucked into her touch and he bit his lip as they continued to watch each other, their harsh breaths flooding the room as they engaged in this most intimate of acts, each of them determined to bring one another to the height of climax.

A new but somehow familiar sensation began to overcome him. It was pleasant and scary and exhilarating all at once. Breaking through the haze, he focused his mind, searching his memory for an explanation. Ah, yes, he recalled this sensation now; it was something he had not felt since he had sat alone in his room as a teenager, giving into the urging of his endocrine system one last time. He was close, so close to losing himself, and the sudden realization of that sent a shockwave of fear through him.

"No!" He jerked away from her then and drew his knees up to his chest. His fingers clutched at his pant legs and he buried his face in his knees, rocking back and forth, and desperately trying to regain control of his breathing.

"I'm sorry, Sheldon." She was always apologizing. _Why _was she always apologizing?

There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but he found he had no voice. He had to get control of himself first, he had to calm himself down. He focused on his breathing, determined not to have a panic attack over this. He had wanted it after all. He had almost let himself—

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt her rise, and he lifted his head, watching as she ran down the hall, slamming the door of her bedroom behind her.

* * *

Amy flung herself on the bed and curled into a ball, fighting desperately for control over the surge of emotion that was struggling to break free. She swallowed around the lump in her throat, but the stinging behind her eyes signaled the oncoming tears before she could do anything to control them. They fell from her eyes unbidden, and she let herself go, sobbing into her pillow.

She knew it was stupid, but she felt rejected. He had told her he'd wanted this. She had asked him if he was sure. She had thought that finally, _finally_ this was going to happen—that Sheldon wanted this with her. She'd thought he'd trusted her, that he'd desired her. She had been a fool.

But hadn't she known what she was getting into with this, she chided herself. Hadn't she been aware how difficult it would be to guide him to a place where he was able to confront his own feelings and desires? She tried to remind herself that they had almost gotten there this time. Every instance in which they ventured down the road to intimacy, they had made it just a little farther. This wasn't a race, this was a journey. And she needed to pull herself back a bit and try to enjoy the scenery.

She was angry at herself for being so greedy. She should have known this was too much too soon. She shouldn't have dared to touch him like she did. This was her fault. She'd frightened him or disgusted him with her antics, and now she had ruined everything. A fresh wave of tears attacked her, and her shoulders wracked with her sobs.

A triple knock at her door followed by the soft murmurings of her name drew her out of her despair and she sat up, wiping quickly at her eyes and trying to calm her harsh breaths.

The door creaked open when she failed to answer, and Sheldon peeked his head around the frame. In the darkness, she could only see his silhouette, but she could tell he hadn't yet dressed, and his hair was sticking up at odd angles.

"Amy? Are you crying?"

The hint of concern in his voice sent her into sobs again, and she buried her face in her hands, feeling both anguished and foolish. She knew he hated emotional displays like this, and she was sure it would only push him away further. But then she felt the shifting of the mattress, and a moment later, his arms were wrapping clumsily around her. She allowed him to pull her close, and pressed her face against his chest.

She cried for a while longer, not even sure anymore whether it was from sorrow or frustration or relief. Sheldon rested his chin on her head and just held her, allowing her to get it all out.

"I'm sorry," she said finally.

"Stop." His voice was quiet, but there was a hint of aggravation in it. "You're always apologizing to me, Amy. Even when there's no need."

"But…" She pulled away enough to look up into his face, and swiped at her eyes again, trying to dry her tears. "But I've ruined everything," she whispered.

"Amy…" A look of pure confusion contorted his features, and she was surprised when he ran his thumbs over the sensitive skin beneath her eyes, capturing the last remnants of moisture. "You haven't ruined anything. This was _my_ fault. I thought I was ready. I _was, _but…well, anyway, _I_ should be the one apologizing."

She reached up and touched his cheek. "No, Sheldon, it's okay. I just…I thought that maybe you'd decided this wasn't what you wanted after all…that maybe _I'm _not what you wanted…"

"Amy, really? Don't be absurd. Of _course _I want you. I told you already, you're the only one I would ever consider being with this way. That hasn't changed."

"So I didn't scare you away?"

He shook his head. "I think everything just became a bit too real suddenly and I panicked. I'm sorry I upset you. That wasn't my intent."

She nodded. "I know."

He let her go then and shifted so he was facing her. "Amy? I know I kind of messed up our evening together, but if you're not too upset with me, do you think…can I maybe stay here for a little while longer? I don't feel like going home just yet."

She took his hand, and despite everything, her face broke into a smile. "Of course, Sheldon. You can stay as long as you want."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I've had most of this done for about a week now, but I wanted to avoid spoilers and I also wanted to make sure I got Sheldon's wording accurate and that I wouldn't need to tweak anything here before posting. I'm glad I waited since the feeling of the episode ended up being a bit different for me from what I first expected. Anyway, I know there are many mixed feelings about the finale and what it means. I've gone through a myriad of emotions myself. But in the end, I do think great things are coming for Shamy next season. This is only one of a number of scenarios I can see playing out in my head, although this one, of course, is specific to this story and also plays into the fact that they've already been fairly intimate here. Because of the long wait, I plan to post chapter 9 in the next day or two. I hope you guys will enjoy this, and I promise the moment you've been waiting for is coming up soon. On with the chapter.

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Eight**

_Change is never fine, they say it is, but it's not. – Sheldon, The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition_

Sheldon was gone.

Just like that, he had up and walked out of her life. She was being a bit melodramatic, she knew, but there had been no goodbyes, no explanations. He had simply departed, and after the way they had left things two days ago, it felt like a slap in the face. He had stormed out of her apartment after she'd suggested the notion of them living together, and now Amy found herself alone and confused and depressed. And she was angry too—angry at Leonard and Penny for not calling her when they found out where Sheldon had gone, for actually _encouraging_ him to leave. She'd been so upset, in fact, that for the first time in her life, she had resorted to violence and attacked Leonard repeatedly with a pillow. The two of them should have known Sheldon almost as well as she did. They should have understood what a flight risk he was, and yet they had let him get on that train. It had felt good to get out her frustrations that way. She had felt powerful in that moment. Vindicated. Although now that she'd had some time to reflect, she also felt a bit guilty.

Leonard and Penny weren't the only ones to blame. Amy was also angry with _herself_. She had pushed Sheldon during a time when the last thing he'd needed was more pressure. Her suggestion about them moving in together hadn't come from a place of greed or self-service; she had honestly meant it to be a way of easing his stress about their friends getting married, and all the various other pressures he had currently been suffering. Obviously it had not been received that way. She had brought it up too many times already, and she realized now that in that moment, it had been the last thing he had needed to hear. But she had thought that after everything that had transpired between them lately and all the progress they'd made, he might have finally been ready.

Maybe deep down on a subconscious level, he _had_ been preparing himself for the idea, but he had been in such a fragile state that evening already. She should have known well enough to save it for later once he'd had a few days to settle down. Had the proposition been made at another time and under better circumstances, she suspected that just _maybe_ he would have been open to considering it. But instead, she had only succeeded in aggravating both him and the situation, and she couldn't be certain anymore whether he would ever come around.

In her heart, she knew why her boyfriend had felt the need to flee. So many changes had been piling up on him all at once. Their relationship had been advancing, one of his mentors had died, their friends were ready to kick him out of the apartment he had been living in for so many years (which also meant he was going to be losing his roommate), his new career trajectory had been denied him, and the comic book store he so cherished had been badly damaged in a fire. It was more than any normal person would be able to handle, let alone someone like Sheldon. She understood it, because she also understood the way his mind worked. Still, the fact that he had disappeared without a word had left an empty feeling in her chest.

_"Ohh sure. While we're at it why don't we get engaged too? Why don't we get a little house? Start a family? Enjoy our sunset years together? Do you hear yourself woman?_

_"Sheldon, it was just a thought."_

_"No, here's a thought. You're not moving in, Leonard's not moving out. Everything stays exactly the way it is."_

Deep down, she realized that he really had not meant any of it. Intrinsically, those words stemmed solely from his aversion to change. Too many things were happening at once, and he was scared. If she was honest, a part of _her_ was afraid too. What if they moved in together and something went wrong or they had a fight? What if he woke up one morning and realized he no longer wanted her there? Still, although her suggestion had contributed to his decision, in the end she knew that his leaving really had nothing to do with her or the idea of them moving forward and possibly someday forging a life together. It was still hard though, especially after he'd mocked all of her deepest desires right to her face. The very fact that her suggestion had garnered such a response was proof enough however that he had been considering those prospects. She had only ever mentioned marriage and family once in passing, and that had been quite a while ago. Therefore, his statements about them growing old together had come from his own imagination. In fact, there were entire clauses in the Relationship Agreement—which he had drawn up himself—that spelled out their future and even included catastrophic and apocalyptic events. Sheldon had obviously thought this through and had envisioned them together for the long haul. And although his plans for their fate were unconventional, the idea of it helped lift her spirits a bit.

She knew that Sheldon dealt with his insecurities differently than other people. When faced with truths that scared him or that felt daunting, he balked, refusing to accept them, no matter how inevitable. Each significant change in his life was accompanied by a mini version of the Kübler-Ross model, or the five stages of grief. First came denial, then anger, then bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. He had already covered the first two steps in rapid succession in this very room before he'd departed.

He would be bargaining with himself next, fighting against what he would come to understand was logical with as much ammunition as he could muster. In the end though, he would realize what a practical idea their living together really was. He had been unable to refute her logic over a year ago when she'd tried to persuade him that she was his perfect roommate. He couldn't even disagree with her arguments about why he'd been annoyed living with Leonard. And now that they had begun to be intimate, there really was no good reason to hold back. Whether or not he decided to act on these rationalities however, was another matter entirely.

She had vowed to herself after they first shared that kiss on Valentine's Day that she would back off a little and give him time to adjust. She had known what a monumental step that had been for him, and she had been elated to discover that it had begun to stir up new feelings. She had stopped mentioning sex, and had only ever brought up her questions about why he'd wanted to be with her once. Unfamiliarity was difficult for Sheldon, especially when it went against everything he had ever thought he knew about himself. But _he _had come to _her _with those desires, not the other way around. She should have done the same with their living arrangements. It had been a mistake to ask him about it again. She would never want him to agree simply because it was what _she_ wanted; she needed to back off now and let him come to whatever decision he would end up making on his own. Amy was well aware that he had pushed himself far beyond his limits for her time and again, but that with each milestone, he had realized how comfortable, how _happy _even, that progress had made him, and he had then embraced those new experiences with eagerness.

And so, she wouldn't give up on him. The two of them were so _right_ together. They made each other better. Should they combine the full magnitude of their mental faculties with the deep chemistry they shared, they would be unstoppable. Despite everything, she still believed that they had something special. She loved him so much, and whether or not they ever made it to sex—or even living together, for that matter—she always would. If they _were_ to continue to move forward—either physically or emotionally—she knew their life together would be a happy one. Their dynamic was exactly that—dynamic. Compelling. Powerful.

All she had left now was hope—that he really would return, that he still cared about her, that he wouldn't revert and pull away from her again, and that they could both learn from the mistakes they'd made. She had faith that they could work through this and meet in the middle somewhere to come to a fulfilling compromise each of them would be happy with.

As if on cue, her phone rang, and she held her breath, her heart hammering in her chest. She hadn't heard from him since last night when he'd finally called to check in with her. It had been a relief to hear from him, but their conversation had been far too short, and with their friends around, she hadn't been able to voice all of the things she had wanted to say to him.

Exhaling sharply, she snatched her phone from the coffee table, relief and excitement washing over her when she saw his face and name lit up on the screen.

"Sheldon?"

"Amy."

It was so _good _to hear his voice. She clutched the phone tightly, the fingers of her other hand wrenching at the hem of her skirt.

"Are you alone," he asked.

"Yes. I'm at home. I just got off work a little while ago."

He exhaled. "Good. I wanted to tell you that I…regret not saying goodbye to you."

Amy shut her eyes. _I regret that too_, she thought.

"As you know, I've never been comfortable with open expressions of sentimentality, most especially goodbyes."

She swallowed around the lump in her throat, fighting to keep her voice steady. "I do know that. Still, I wish I could have seen you off. I…I miss you."

There was a long pause, and she worried for a moment that they had gotten disconnected. But then she heard his harsh breathing, and suspected he was fighting off the effects of some strong emotion.

"I didn't plan this." When at last he spoke again, his voice was soft and it trembled ever-so-slightly. "I just knew suddenly that it was something I _needed_ to do. Which is weird, because normally I would have scoffed at the idea of running off like some hobo without a plan or any of my personal belongings. I really don't know what came over me. I can't explain it, except that I…"

"…You needed to find yourself again," Amy finished for him.

"Yes," he confirmed after a moment. "You always seem to know what I'm thinking. How do you do that, Amy?"

"Because you're more similar to me than anyone I've ever met." She couldn't help the tear-filled grin that spread across her face at the nostalgia behind those words he had spoken about _her_ so long ago.

His soft, breathy laugh indicated that he'd gotten her reference. "You're right, of course." Then he grew serious again. "I'm not quite sure who I am right now, and I need to try to figure that out. I hope I can manage to resolve a _few _things, actually, before I come back." There was a long pause between them before he spoke again. "Amy, I'm…I'm sorry I got upset the other night. I said some things I shouldn't have. I didn't mean—"

"I understand, Sheldon." And she did. Still, it was a huge relief to know that he realized the implications of his words, and to hear him acknowledge that he may have distressed her by them. "Everything has been changing. _You've _been changing. And all of that at once would have been overwhelming for _anyone_."

"Thank you," he said, softly.

"I want to apologize too."

"What for?"

"I also said some things I shouldn't have. I didn't mean to push you, Sheldon. I'm really sorry for that."

"It's okay," he said after a pause. "I know why you said it, and I'm glad you care enough to try to help me."

Although she knew he couldn't see her, Amy opted not to respond verbally and simply nodded. She swallowed again, searching for a new topic to discuss before her emotions got the best of her. "So, have you decided where you're going yet?"

"Well...this train is headed to Albuquerque. I figure I'll spend a couple of days looking around and take a proper shower or two. You should see how unsanitary these seats are. And don't even get me _started_ on the bathrooms." She could hear him shudder, and she couldn't help but smile. "And then I'll get on the next train and probably keep heading east."

Amy was surprised at his casual approach to this trip. For as long as she had known him, he had been a man who thrived on schedules and rules and carefully planned out itineraries. Even the time he'd had that mini crisis and had shown up at her apartment in the middle of the night with bongos, it had been only a momentary lapse in his meticulously constructed life. The spontaneity of his disappearance had already been completely uncharacteristic. And now he was throwing caution to the wind and continuing down the path of chaos. Maybe though, she reflected begrudgingly, Penny had been right all along, and it was exactly what he needed.

"So you're just going to ride trains for a while and see where they take you."

"Precisely."

"Do you know when you'll be back?"

Sheldon sighed. "No. I'm sorry, Amy. I wish I could give you a more definitive timeline, but I really have no idea right now."

"It's okay, Sheldon," she reassured him, trying to mask her disappointment. "Take the time you need. I'll be here when you get back."

"Promise?" For the first time, he sounded truly vulnerable, and that helped ease some of the turmoil in her heart.

"I promise." She wanted to ask him to pledge that he would come back to her, to vow that he still wanted her in his life, and that everything would be okay between them, but she didn't. For now, his need for her reassurance was comfort enough.

"Well, the dining car is going to close for the night soon, and I haven't eaten yet, so I should probably go."

So now he wasn't even planning his meal times, she reflected.

"Oh, right. Okay. Thank you for calling, Sheldon. Will I hear from you tomorrow?"

"Yes. I'll call you in the evening again once I'm settled in New Mexico."

"Good."

"Hey, Amy?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"I miss you too."

Amy couldn't help but smile at that.

"Goodnight, Dr. Fowler."

"Goodnight, Dr. Cooper."

She hung up the phone and flopped back into the couch cushions, staring up at the ceiling. The hole his absence had left in her life was so profound it hurt, but at least some of the anguish in her heart was starting to mend. He missed her. He would be coming back eventually. She just had to be patient and hope that his time away would do them both some good.

* * *

Sheldon basked in the darkness, could almost feel it seeping into his skin. There was nothing around him but earth and sky, no sound save the light howling of the wind. As he stepped, his feet felt lighter than usual, as though he was walking on nothing at all. He couldn't feel the ground, nor the breeze on his face. All was still and disconcerting.

Up ahead, a tree emerged from the shadows, and Sheldon paused, examining it. It was tall and gnarly, its sturdy branches twisting ever upward to disappear beneath a lush canopy of leaves. There was something about it that felt otherworldly and forbidden, and yet he could not help but take comfort in its presence. He reached out, laying a hand on its bark, and for the first time a hint of sensation came to him. He could feel the roughness against his palm, and he inhaled, breathing in the scent of life.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" A voice echoed from nowhere and everywhere all at once.

Sheldon snapped his head up, searching the gloom for its source, but he was only met with an endless expanse of blackness.

"Things grow if you nurture them properly, like this tree," the unknown presence continued. "They mature and expand, and they bear fruit."

For the first time, Sheldon spotted the bountiful harvest that hung from the branches. But it was like no fruit he had ever seen before.

"Pick one. Taste it. Don't be afraid."

On instinct, he did as the voice instructed, watching disjointedly as his hand reached up to pluck an oval shaped mass from its perch. The object was an odd, almost putrid shade of green, and its skin was rough and prickly to the touch. He lifted it to his nose, and the smell was enticing despite its appearance.

"Don't be afraid," the voice repeated, urging him on.

Ignoring his apprehension, Sheldon dug a fingernail into the skin and began to peel it away. What he found inside resembled a lime, but the flesh was a bright, electric blue. Again, he brought it up to his face and inhaled. He hesitantly pulled a slice free and popped it into his mouth. When he bit down, its juices flooded over his tongue, and he moaned softly, savoring the sweetness. It was like nothing he had ever tasted. It was glorious.

"See? Not so bad after all. Things are only scary when you refuse to acknowledge them. Oftentimes, the reality is much sweeter than the unknown fear."

"Who are you," he called, searching his surroundings once again.

And then she appeared as if manifesting out of thin air, her silhouette emerging from the night to stand before him. He glared at the woman, her ridiculous robes, headscarf and hoop earrings giving her away immediately.

"What are _you_ doing here," he asked the psychic, his annoyance outweighing his elation at his previous discovery.

"You summoned me, of course."

"I did no such thing," he demanded.

She just smiled, and his irritation at her presence rose tenfold.

"You can lie to yourself as much as you want, Sheldon, but that doesn't make your words true. You know what you want. What you _need_. "

"And _you_ know nothing," he insisted. "How can you possibly tell me what I need? You don't know a thing about me."

"But I'm an extension of you. And you know everything about yourself, don't you? I know that you conjured my image to make your own thoughts and desires easier to handle. You can say it's all a bunch of malarkey that way and deny what you know to be true. But deep down, I think you want to accept these changes. Your job, your living arrangements …_her._"

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

The psychic just smiled then and pointed off to her right. Sheldon allowed his gaze to follow, and his heart lurched in his chest when he took in the sight before him. Where a building once stood were now just piles of rubble, lit up from the fire that still burned within. A nude figure stood in the center, tongues of flame licking up her tanned thighs and the soft curves of her hips.

Amy.

He ran to her as fast as his legs would dare to move, screaming her name. But his voice was lost in the rumbling cacophony of the inferno. She stared at him blankly. Her glasses were gone, and her green eyes shown like emeralds, lighting up the darkness, the golden flecks of the firelight dancing off of them. Her hair was wild about her face, soft curls blowing in a non-existent breeze.

"Sheldon," she finally whispered, and he reached for her, determined to pull her free, and then—

Sheldon jerked awake and threw himself up off the seat. His heart was hammering in his chest. He gazed around the compartment wide eyed and breathless, and realized he was still on the train. A grey-haired man sat across the aisle off to his left, engrossed in a book, and a few rows behind him were a young couple tending to their infant. Otherwise, the car was empty.

Sheldon took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself. The dream had been so vivid, so bizarre. What had it all meant? Why did he keep having nightmares? And why did that psychic refuse to leave him alone? Why had she now manifested in his subconscious? She had insisted that he had created her in his own mind. Just what was he trying to tell himself? Sheldon had never been good at this sort of thing. Nothing about dreams was ever logical. Slowly, he sank back into his seat, running a hand over his face. His thoughts immediately shifted to Amy. He recalled her image in his dream, standing there so stoically while the fire consumed her. But that's what she always did, wasn't it? She addressed things calmly and rationally, even when they flared out of control. She was so patient, so understanding, and her mere presence helped to soothe his fears.

He remembered the fruit, how it had looked so odd and unappealing, yet had tasted so divine. How could something so ugly and so daunting possibly turn out to be good? As if on cue, his mind began invoking examples that played one by one in vivid memory: braving the prospect of college at the age of eleven and earning his PhD; acquiring Leonard as a roommate after several failed experiences; being blackmailed with a dirty sock which led to meeting an intelligent, _compelling_ neurobiologist; swallowing his pride and asking her to be his girlfriend.

Those events had been scary, and yet somehow he'd faced them, and his life had been better for them in the end. The psychic's words about nurturing things that were important so they could grow and mature came back to him then, and he realized he needed to stop being so afraid.

"I have to grow up," he whispered.

It hit him full force in that moment, and he was gob-smacked. On a subconscious level, he had already known it was the next logical step. He had felt himself making strides in that area for several months now. But the clarity of the realization sent his brain reeling. The tension with his mother, his kiss and growing intimacy with Amy, his career issues...everything had been leading him to make decisions he was uncomfortable with and that dragged him out of his element kicking and screaming. But he was thirty-four years old, and he had been relying too heavily on others to solve his problems for him. With Leonard about to dissolve the Roommate Agreement and planning to marry Penny, he realized he was going to have to start facing some of those issues on his own and learn to rely more on himself.

He knew it wasn't impossible. He was a grown man after all. Hadn't he told his mother that just recently? He had insisted that she treat him as an adult. _Then maybe it's time you started acting like one._ He glared at his inner voice. He was really starting to hate that jerk.

Maybe being on his own for a while was the start of that transformation. Sheldon reflected on all the places he had been, and the interesting things he had seen. He had enjoyed the ever-shifting scenery thus far, but something had always been missing.

Albuquerque had been hot and rather boring. He'd gone to a couple of museums and perused various stalls with Native American jewelry. On a whim, he'd tried out a new restaurant, figuring he didn't have much to lose at this point. The food had been surprisingly good, but the lack of company had made him lonely. He missed his spot on the couch, surrounded by all of his friends. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone.

Although he'd been tempted to stop, he'd passed right through Texas, opting for Arkansas instead. He knew his mother and meemaw would have offered some sort of encouraging words and perhaps set him on a comfortable path toward acceptance of the discord in his life, but that voice in his head told him that he needed to do this on his own. He couldn't always turn to them for a solution. Besides, his mother was the last person to ask when it came to matters of science. He had gone to the Little Rock zoo, but the monkey exhibit had only served to remind him of Amy, and after that, even the koalas hadn't managed to cheer him up.

In Chicago, he'd visited the Museum of Science and Industry, and again Amy was so ingrained in his thoughts, it was almost as if she was there with him. He'd become so enamored with some of the exhibits that he'd turned to rattle on at her about them, only to realize she wasn't actually standing beside him. The visit had offered none of the foreseen answers to his career dilemma, and somehow, being there alone drained him of his excitement.

Virginia had been pretty and green. Colonial Williamsburg had been particularly picturesque, and he'd basked in the history surrounding him. Leonard would have liked that place, he thought.

Next on the agenda was Washington D.C. He'd always wanted to go there. He hoped it would prove as interesting as he had always anticipated. No matter where he traveled though, or how much distance he put between himself and the inevitable, he knew now that his destination would not offer the answers he so desperately sought.

"Excuse me." A voice jarred him from his thoughts, and he turned to regard the newcomer. It was his neighbor from across the aisle who had been reading just a moment ago. He had scooted over to the seat nearest the pathway that separated them, his arm outstretched, and offered Sheldon a small square napkin. "I believe you dropped this."

Sheldon reached up tentatively and slid it from between the man's fingers, being careful not to touch his hand.

"That's a mighty interesting drawing you've got there."

Sheldon gazed down at the picture he had doodled earlier that day. Angled lines swooped around and around, forming a tunnel-like dodecagon, with straighter lines that narrowed from the outer edges toward the center, dividing the circular shape into sections.

"Hadron Collider?" The man asked.

Sheldon stared at him wide-eyed. "You know about the Hadron Collider?"

The man smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkling with the motion. He had a very kind face. In fact...if Sheldon hadn't known better, he almost could have mistaken him for his pop-pop. He leaned further across the aisle toward Sheldon and spoke in a conspiring tone. "I'm a bit of a science buff. The wife always found my hobby tedious though, so I mostly kept it to myself."

Sheldon found himself smiling back at that. Who would have thought he would meet a fellow science enthusiast on a train?

"I'm Bennet, by the way." The man reached out a hand. Sheldon hesitated only a moment before shaking it, fighting to stave off the compulsion to reach for his bottle of sanitizer.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I'm a Theoretical Particle Physicist at Caltech University in California," he announced. "Or...I _was_. I'm not really sure anymore..."

Bennet cocked his head, his brow crinkling with interest. "Thinking about changing occupations then?"

Sheldon sighed. "Maybe. My career, among other things, is in a bit of a crisis right now, and I'm not really sure what to do." He had no idea what had compelled him to divulge his personal business to this stranger he had just met, but something about the man put him at ease.

"Do tell."

"Well..." Sheldon thought over his predicament. "It's just that for so many years I've devoted my life's work to the study of string theory, and now I find myself realizing that it's a dead end. I tried to give up on it and move into a new field-which is difficult enough for me, because I've never been fond of change. But now the university won't allow it, and I'm stuck either researching something that can never be proven, or I'll be forced to quit and move on. Either way, my chances of winning the Nobel Prize have dwindled."

The man nodded thoughtfully. "And that's your ultimate goal, is it? To win the Nobel Prize?"

"Yes, of course. It's the highest honor one can aspire to. And I'm a genius, so it's only natural that I should attain it."

Bennet smiled at him, and again he was struck with how much the man resembled his late grandfather. "Then keep at it," he said. "Whatever you do and wherever you go, keep at it. Just don't give up."

Sheldon frowned as he considered the man's words.

"Sometimes it seems things are a certain way, but in reality, they're another. For example, has string theory ever been _disproven_?"

"Well...no..."

"So there's no controvertible evidence that it doesn't exist. Therefore, you could be the scientist who ends up proving its validity. I imagine that if you could do _that_, you might just earn yourself more than one prestigious award."

"Hmm...maybe you're right..."

"Or, you could always move to Switzerland and work at CERN. Although I'm afraid you'd have to take a plane for that since the train, unfortunately, has not yet been engineered to hover over water."

He was about to rebut that he wasn't that stupid, but the amused look on the man's face told him he was making a joke.

Sheldon offered a breathy laugh and a little smile of his own. "No. I couldn't do that. As much as I would love the chance to work at CERN, my life is back in Pasadena. I couldn't leave without..." He allowed his voice to drop off, too afraid to speak the words. _I couldn't leave without Amy. And yet, here I am on this stupid train. Dammit, I miss her._

It had always come down to trains. He thought about the last trip he had made on a locomotive. It had been just over four months ago, on Valentine's Day, and it had been a much nicer, much fancier model than the ones he had been hopping over the past five weeks. She had been the one to set that special weekend up for them. She had known just how much it would mean to him, how much he would enjoy it. She _always_ knew. And he had kissed her there-their first _real_ kiss, and the feel of her lips against his had drawn him in, making him ache for more. That was what had started this whole thing, in fact. It was what had led him down the path toward change. But he couldn't be mad about it. He couldn't blame the problems he now faced on her. It wasn't her fault that everything else had seemed to slowly fall apart since that weekend. In fact, his relationship with her had been the only thing that hadn't deteriorated. He was afraid yes—of their increasing closeness and the depth of his feelings and the idea of taking a huge step like the one she'd suggested just before he'd left. He knew though that should he ask her to, she would be there to help him pick up the pieces, not that he deserved it after how selfish he'd been. But despite the unsettling twinge of guilt that sparked in his chest, he wished he could feel the reassurance of her lips on his in that moment.

"...a woman?" Bennet finished for him.

Sheldon bit his lip and nodded. "Yes sir. How could you tell?"

"I can see it in your eyes. Believe me, I know the signs. When a man gets to be my age, he knows a thing or two. And you…you have the look."

Sheldon's face grew hot beneath the man's knowing gaze, and he glanced away.

"What's her name?"

"Amy," he murmured. "Amy Farrah Fowler."

"She a scientist like you?"

"Not like me, but yes. She's a neurobiologist at UCLA."

"Impressive."

"Yes. She's very good at what she does. Not that long ago, she made the cover of Neuron magazine. I don't think I've ever told her how proud I am of her for that…"

"Then maybe you should," Bennet encouraged. "I'm guessing she's not the reason you left then."

"No, not really. My relationship with her has been confusing lately, but that's not why I'm on this trip." He envisioned her face, her captivating smile. "To be honest, she's the only woman I've ever been interested in on any kind of a romantic level."

"I would say that makes her pretty special."

"Oh, she is. Amy is like no one I've ever known before. She's kind and provocative and _brilliant._"

"You," Bennet chuckled, "are a smitten man, Sheldon."

Sheldon stared at him for a moment. He had never considered that before, but it made perfect sense to him now. "I guess I _am_," he said with sudden realization. "She's certainly changed my life. And I must say…no matter how she baffles me sometimes, or how unnerving our interactions can sometimes be, she's made it better."

Benet tapped his chin in thought before speaking again. "It's really none of my business," he said softly, "but I think I would be remiss if I didn't offer you a piece of advice."

Sheldon raised his head to regard the man again, and he could see the sincerity in his eyes as he spoke. "Don't let the important things in life pass you by, Sheldon. Because one day, you'll be looking back, and despite all of your accomplishments and everything you have to show for your life, there will be a hole. And nothing else will matter. Not your trophies or your money or even your Nobel Prize. Because it's what you _don't _have—the _what-could-have-been—_that will be what's most important. That thing will eat away at you until it consumes your heart and mind. And despite everything else you've managed to do for yourself in your lifetime, you'll never be able to be truly happy without that one thing that got away. Believe me when I say I speak from experience on that."

Sheldon was struck with the implication of what Bennet had just said. "So what you're saying is…"

"Go to her. Whatever it is you're running from right now, make your way back to _her_. Because in the end, she'll be the one who's there for you. And finding that one perfect person who can share in all of your accolades and accomplishments is far more important than the accomplishments themselves."

Sheldon's brain went numb from the overload of thoughts and emotions that were swirling around inside of it. He blinked a few times, trying to clear it, but was unsuccessful.

"My wife died a month ago, and even after forty-three years of marriage, there are still things I wish I would have said to her."

"Like what," Sheldon asked. And then he realized his faux pas. "I'm sorry, that was too personal."

Bennet laughed softly and shook his head. "It's all right. I'm the one who brought it up after all. I would have liked to have told her just how much she meant to me after all these years, and that despite all of our differences, she was the perfect one for me. She knew I loved her; I'd told her that a thousand times. And yet I wish I'd done more to _show _her. She deserved the world, and often times I was too self-absorbed to see it."

Bennet's smile was melancholy, and his gaze was distant as if recalling old memories. Sheldon shifted in his seat, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he murmured.

"Thank you."

After a pause, Bennet clapped him on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go get a beer. You want one?"

Sheldon considered that for a moment, but then shook his head. "No, thank you. I think I might like a chamomile tea though." His thoughts of Amy and Bennet's startlingly relevant words brought on the need for a hot beverage. He rose with the man and the two of them made their way back to the snack car, chatting about black holes and cosmic radiation as they went.

* * *

Another week had passed, and another night had been spent in silence, pondering his conversation with Bennet and all of the strange dreams he had been having. The tree seemed to be a recurring theme, as well as a daunting feeling of the unknown. He had been looking things up online to try to find meaning in it all, but had only come up with words like 'beauty', 'strength', 'wisdom' and 'life'. It all seemed like a lot of hokum to him, and yet something about the imagery and the emotions it evoked resonated with him. Amy had featured heavily as well, of course—in all sorts of dangers and in various states of distress. It had gotten to the point where Sheldon was afraid to close his eyes.

His days continued to be spent exploring strange new towns, picking up interesting trinkets that he planned to show to Amy, and getting hot showers whenever he could. The nights were lonely and far too quiet. He had grown accustomed to his time spent with friends, to their animated conversation and the laughter that often echoed through the apartment. He was beginning to comprehend just how much he had come to depend on human interaction, how much each of them meant to him. The realization only managed to confirm the advice his deceased mentor had given him back in May about appreciating the people in his life.

The longer he stayed on this journey and the farther it took him, the emptier he had come to feel. And as he sat there, struggling to stay awake and blinking rapidly against his ever drooping eyelids, he began to understand why that was, and what he needed to do to resolve it.

"Arthur?"

The man appeared suddenly as if conjured by his thoughts. He sat in the seat to his right, this time in his usual suit coat and tie, Sheldon noticed. He was a bit disappointed that he was no longer dressed as a Jedi, but he was happy to see him nevertheless. Sheldon glanced around the cabin to see if anyone else was watching them, but all of the other occupants, including Bennet, were asleep.

"What are you doing here," he asked the man.

"I…I don't know," Arthur answered in his slow, hesitant speech. "I was play…playing bingo, and suddenly I found myself here. Th…thank you, by the way. I only had one square left to…to win."

"Sorry," Sheldon said, although he was pretty certain that afterlife bingo wouldn't really offer much in the way of a payoff. "I must have conjured you here again for some reason, but I'm not really sure what it is. Do you have any advice to give me?"

"Don't play…bingo…with Doris Oldman. She…she cheats." Arthur grinned at his own little joke.

Sheldon just sighed and shook his head.

"Sheldon…can I…can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why are you running away?"

"I never said I was 'running away'."

"Well…whatever you want to call it…that…that _is _what you're doing in the end…isn't it?"

He stared down at his hands and sighed again. "I guess you're right. I don't know anymore. At first I thought I could escape my problems, but I know they'll just be waiting for me when I get back."

"And don't you think…that the longer you let them…sit unattended to…the bigger they'll grow?"

"You're probably right," he conceded. "But I'm just not sure how to deal with some of these things. What if I get back and my stuff is out in the hall and the locks are changed on the apartment? What if I decide to continue on at Caltech and they won't take me back? What if Amy hates me now and doesn't want to see me anymore? And where am I going to get the newest issue of The Flash?"

"Do you…do you really think your friends and your girlfriend…would throw you out on the street?"

Sheldon shrugged. "I really don't know anymore," he repeated. "I can't really say I wouldn't deserve it."

"I wish…I wish I could give you all the answers, Sheldon. But remember…I'm a figment of your own mind. So the answers…really have to come from you."

Although he was afraid, he had come to understand what he needed to do. It was time he quit denying it. "I think I already know the answer. I need to stop running. I need to face my problems and start taking responsibility for them."

Arthur smiled. "See? You had it in you the whole time."

"But you helped me to accept it. I suppose that means a thank you is in order."

"Sure thing. But next…next time…do you think you can wait…until _after_ my game?"

Sheldon smiled. "I'll try."

"Good. Then, farewell."

Sheldon opened his eyes and gazed at the seat beside him where Arthur had been sitting only a moment ago. The chair, of course, was empty. But a slow smile crept over his face, and for the first time in a long while, he felt a hint of contentment. He had a plan. He knew now what he was going to do.

"Good evening," Bennet greeted as he made his way down the aisle past Sheldon and back to his seat, coffee cup in hand. "You look refreshed for it being so late at night, and dare I say…happy."

"Oh, I am," Sheldon grinned. "I've made my decision. I'm going home."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:** Thanks again for all the awesome reviews and comments. You guys are the best! I hope I've managed to keep Sheldon in character enough here, while also showing some of the ways he's changed and been affected by his trip. It's a fine line to walk, but I really felt like he needed to say and do certain things here. Anyway, I promise this is the last mention I'll be making of that damn psychic. ;) As you can see, that episode really resonated with me. Coming next time is a _really _special chapter. ;)

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Nine**

"_Sheldon, I think you might find the support you're looking for if you realize relationships are a give and take. She can only be there for you as much as you are for her."_

_-Raj, The Discovery Dissipation_

"Come on, Amy, have a drink with us." Bernadette was standing in Amy's kitchen, pouring wine into three long stemmed glasses.

Amy watched her friend's actions with silent detachment. While alcohol may have done her some good in that moment, she didn't really feel like drinking, and in all honesty, she hadn't been in the mood for company today either. But she could never deny her two best friends, and when they had shown up on her doorstep unannounced for a girl's day, she realized they really were trying to make her feel better. But it had been nearly two months since Sheldon had left, and despite all of her focus and subsequent progress with work, her thoughts always migrated back to him, and his absence was really starting to take its toll.

Penny handed her a glass and she accepted it mindlessly, staring into the dark liquid, and remembering the night Sheldon planned that romantic dinner for her in his apartment. They'd eaten, and drank wine, and then he'd ravaged her on his couch. She bit her lip, remembering the way his hands had felt touching her skin to skin for the first time. It had been heaven.

"Earth to Amy!"

She snapped out of her trance, feeling herself blush a bit.

"Sorry, bestie," she murmured. "I was daydreaming."

"About something pretty intense from the looks of it," Penny said, studying her.

It had always been difficult for her to keep things from the beautiful blonde. Not only was she far more experienced and thus worth turning to for advice, but her inquisitive nature usually meant that she would pester Amy with questions and the batting of her eyelashes until she finally relented.

"I was just thinking about Sheldon."

Bernadette smiled knowingly. "That much was pretty obvious."

"Have you heard from him lately," Penny asked, popping a chip into her mouth.

"He called me last night. He was complaining about a group of hobos that was supposedly stalking him on the train. He had me concerned for a while, but I think he managed to give them the slip. Either that, or it had all just been in his head."

"Yeah, I'm voting the latter," Penny smirked. "He _is _a crazy one after all."

_He's not crazy...his mother had him tested. _Amy couldn't help but smile to herself. But she found she didn't have the energy to rebut the comment aloud, and instead sank down into the chair, staring off at nothing. Her two friends took their seats facing her on the couch.

"You really miss him, don't you," Bernadette inquired.

"Of course. Didn't you miss Howard when he was in space?"

"More than anything. It felt like torture waiting for him to come back."

"The difference is, _you_ got a chance to say goodbye."

"Ames, Sheldon didn't mean to hurt you—"

"I know," she said quickly, nodding her agreement. "And he and I have talked about that already. But that doesn't make me miss him any less."

"That's understandable. I was a wreck while Leonard was away at sea. But Sheldon's coming back soon. Didn't he tell you he's on his way home?"

"Yes. I just wish I knew how long it was going to take. I'm going stir-crazy. I can't stop thinking about his hands and the way he—" She stopped herself just short of divulging something she knew he would not have wanted her to reveal. But unfortunately, her friends had caught on, and they exchanged a shocked look, and sat there staring at her wide-eyed.

"Amy? What were you about to say," Penny coaxed.

"Nothing." She shook her head. "Never mind."

"Oh, come on," Bernadette insisted. "It's obvious something happened between the two of you. Now spill."

Amy sighed, realizing that it might be nice to get some of this off her chest. At the very least, it would feel good to be able to confide in someone. "Fine. But none of this leaves this room. I _mean _it. No one can know. Not Howard, not Leonard, and this _certainly _can never get back to Sheldon."

"Got it," Penny said, and they both nodded their consent.

"All right, well…it's just…this whole thing would be hard on me no matter what, but it's even more difficult seeing as how we…well…"

Penny gasped, her jaw dropping open in disbelief. "No _way_! Are you telling me that you and Sheldon actually had _sex_?"

"Way to go, Amy!" Bernadette giggled with glee.

Amy threw her hands up. "No, no…you're getting ahead of yourselves. No, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but we did _not_ have sex."

"Aww," Penny whined. "But then what? You said something happened…"

"Well…we didn't have intercourse…but I think we were getting there," Amy admitted. "We…had done some other things."

"Like…?" Bernadette was sitting on the edge of her seat.

"Lots of kissing and making out…and touching…and I can most assuredly confirm that Sheldon has finally made it to second base."

"Amy! You go girl!" Penny clapped her hands together, her face lit up with excitement.

"Three times. Once without my bra." She wasn't about to mention that one of those times had been below the waist.

"Ooooh!" Bernadette chirped.

"You really _are _a vixen! Who would have thought that the asexual Dr. Wack-a-doodle would ever be willing to touch a girl? You really bring out the best in him, Ames."

Despite the jibe at her boyfriend's expense, she couldn't help but smile. She was tempted to reveal more, but she decided that their last night of passion a couple of weeks before he'd left would be something she would keep just between the two of them. She savored the memory of the way they'd caressed each other nearly to the point of ecstasy. It was something she could cherish on those lonely nights without him. She really hoped he would be willing to pick up where they left off when he returned.

"So do you think he enjoyed it?" Bernadette asked.

"Yes," Amy nodded. "Most definitely. And he was the one to initiate the physical contact almost every time."

"I really can't believe it," Penny said in awe. "To think after all this time, Moonpie has actually found someone he _wants _to get physical with. I mean, he _said _he was working on it, but I never actually thought he'd follow through." Penny looked rather shocked. "But wait…why are you first telling us about this now?"

"Yeah," Bernadette agreed. "I can't believe you've been keeping this from us all this time."

"Sheldon and I made a promise to each other that we wouldn't talk about our personal life with anyone else. I was respecting his wishes on the matter. I wouldn't even be telling you any of this now if I didn't miss him so much. I guess I just needed to vent."

"Amy, he's coming back," Penny reminded her.

"I know." She sighed. "I just really hope that things won't have changed between us. We were in a really good place and then I went and blew it by suggesting we live together again."

"Sheldon cares about you, Amy," Bernadette laid a hand on her arm. "We can all see it. Everything will work out for the best, you'll see."

"Yeah, and besides," Penny added, "He knew exactly what he was getting into. You said yourself that he initiated the contact. He should have known that sex—or the stuff leading up to it at least—is going to lead to other things in a relationship. And if you ask me, I bet a part of him wants the same things you do. He just may not know it yet."

"Thank you both," Amy smiled. "That does help a little."

"Besides, you aren't the reason he left."

"I know that, bestie. I really do. Otherwise he wouldn't be calling me nearly every night. But I still hate the way we left things, and I blame myself for making him so uncomfortable."

"Pssh…Sheldon could use a little tough love once in a while," Penny insisted. "It's one of the reasons I've been pushing Leonard to stand up to him lately. And now that we're engaged, Sheldon really needs to learn to wean himself off of us and fend for himself. Plus, he has you, and _you're _his girlfriend. He should be asking you for help instead of running to us all the time."

"I can agree with that whole-heartedly," Amy nodded. "Let's just hope he gets that."

"If he doesn't, Penny can knock some sense into him for you," Bernadette grinned.

"No." Amy asserted. "The whole point is for him to understand these things and make decisions on his own. We've been progressing recently, and from what Penny has told me about the night he left, it sounds like maybe he's already starting down that road. I'll have to just wait and see."

"You should have heard what that psychic said to him, Amy. She flat out told him that his life would fall into place once he commits to you."

"_Really_?" Amy gaped at Penny. Sheldon had never told her that…not that he would. But the declaration surprised her. "What did _he_ say?"

"He denied it, just like he always does with things that scare him," she answered. "But you should have seen the look on his face! He _knew_ she was right, Ames. He sat there for the longest time, just staring at her like she had revealed the secret of the universe. And then he jumped up and told her it was all malarkey and high tailed it out of there."

"Wow," Bernadette breathed. "It sounds like she really got under his skin!"

"Oh, _totally_."

Amy shook her head, not exactly encouraged by the news. "I dunno…Sheldon really does think psychics are frauds—as do I. I don't really see how anything that woman could have told him would be taken to heart. If anything, he'd probably go against what she said just to defy her."

"Listen to me," Penny insisted. "He _knows._ I could see it in his eyes. It doesn't matter if it came from _her_ or in a scientific journal or _whatever_. His look said it all. And while he seemed terrified, I really think he'll come around."

"I hope you're right. My scientific brain can't wrap itself around the idea of fortune telling and the supernatural, but I do believe we're meant for each other. I just really hope he believes that too."

"Sheldon may not be equipped with a lot of social graces, but he's smart," Bernadette said. "He'll figure it out."

"Yeah," Penny agreed. "In the meantime, what do you say we go pamper ourselves? We could go get a spa treatment and maybe a bikini wax…"

"Oooh, yeah. Get Amy all ready for Sheldon's return!"

Amy slinked away from them, not relishing the idea. "Thanks, but I don't know if I can go through that pain again. Besides, I don't even know when he's going to be back exactly."

"Aw, come on, Ames! It'll be fun. If you'll agree to do this with us, we can go to one of those bath house things you've been wanting to try."

She thought it over. That certainly did seem relaxing, and she could go for something soothing right now. "Okay, I'm in."

The two blondes jumped up from their seats squealing with delight. Amy thought she saw them exchange knowing grins as they headed out of her apartment, but she let it pass, figuring they were just happy she was letting them cheer her up.

* * *

Amy lay on the couch, flipping absent-mindedly through the television channels. It was getting late and her eyelids were growing heavy. Southern California was currently experiencing a heat wave, and as she was still a bit tender from the waxing earlier in the day, she had opted to don only a pair of underwear and Sheldon's red Flash t-shirt. She hadn't washed it since he'd left, and while the thought of wearing soiled clothing would usually gross her out, she relished the fact that a hint of his scent still lingered, helping her feel as though he wasn't thousands of miles away from her.

Her day with the girls had been enjoyable, and for the first time in a while, she had been able to put him out of her head for a bit and just have fun. They'd gone to lunch and then to a spa for facials, and while they didn't make it to the bath house, they were able to soak in the Jacuzzi tub at the facility, and Amy had felt some of her cares melting away. The waxing wasn't even quite as bad this time around. Seeing as how she had been taking the time to groom herself on a fairly regular basis, there was less hair to have to rip out, and she didn't end up covered in band-aids this time. She had even let them do her legs as well so she wouldn't have to shave for a while, and she relished how smooth they felt.

Although it had taken her a while to get over her anger with Penny, she was thankful for her friends. She realized that neither Penny nor Leonard had meant to hurt her, and they had apologized to her more than once for leaving her out during Sheldon's departure. Penny assured her that Sheldon hadn't even thought to contact any of them; he had just decided to run. It had been pure luck and that she and Leonard had been able to catch him before he'd disappeared. But Amy still wished they would have called her or at least tried to convince Sheldon to get in touch with her before he'd boarded. She realized now that he'd needed to go. But at the very least, they could have had some closure a bit sooner instead of the way she had tortured herself until he'd called.

It was in the quiet moments like these when she really missed his presence. Her mind always drifted back to their time together, both carnal and companionable. She missed the feel of his hands on her and she longed to kiss him again, to run her fingers through his hair. But she missed their talks even more, the way his eyes would light up, staring straight into her soul as he listened to her speak. She wanted to play Counterfactuals or discuss their work, or visit the zoo together and walk through the animal exhibits hand in hand. She longed to hear his voice again—not through the static-filled expanse of the phone line, but up close and personal, where she could watch the twinkle in his eyes as he spoke.

A knock at the door tore her from her thoughts and she lurched herself into an upright position with a frown. It was after eleven o'clock; who would be stopping by at this hour? Carefully she rose and crept toward the door, hoping maybe her visitor would realize they had the wrong apartment and would just go away. But she had no such luck. Instead there came another knock, and she rose up to her toes, peeking out the peephole.

Her breath caught. It was him.

No, her eyes had to be deceiving her. There had been no signature knock, no telltale sign of his presence. And the figure that stood out in the hallway was different somehow. His silhouette wasn't quite characteristic of the man she knew, and he carried himself differently. This was a cruel joke someone was playing. It had to be. And yet, she could not stop herself from opening the door.

The sight of him made her weak in the knees. Her heart ached and jumped for joy at the same time. He was standing before her in a pair of jeans and a plaid button-up shirt. His hair was a bit longer than she was used to and it was slightly mussed, and his chin and jaw line were coated with a thin layer of stubble. His eyes were bluer and clearer—more full of clarity somehow—than she had ever seen them before, and the faint hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

_Hoo, _was the only thought that sprang to mind.

They stood there staring at one another for a long time, lost in each other's eyes.

"Sheldon," she breathed at last.

"Amy."

And then they were rushing toward one another, and their arms were around each other. Sheldon held her like he never had before, his hands clutching at her as though he was afraid to let her go. His breath was hot against her neck, his fingers digging into the back of the shirt she wore. She clung to him just as tightly, worried this would all prove to be a dream. When at last they pulled apart, they found each other's gaze again as though drawn together by an electromagnetic pulse. And then their lips were crushing together in a passionate kiss.

Amy pounced, jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. He let out a tiny "oomph" as he caught her, holding her in place as their mouths continued to devour one another.

When they finally came up for air, Amy stared at him, her gaze roaming over his face. "Is this for real? Are you really standing here?"

Sheldon smiled, gripping onto her as he maneuvered them further into the room, and kicked the door gently closed with his foot. She still had her legs around his waist, and his hands had come down to her rear end to keep her from slipping. As his fingers caressed over the skin of her thighs, he seemed to realize for the first time that she wasn't fully dressed.

"Are you wearing one of my shirts?"

Amy smiled, the familiar timbre of his inquisition confirming that he was, in fact, there with her. She nodded. "I hope you don't mind. I just missed you so much and I wanted to feel like you were close."

He leaned back just a bit so he could get a better look at her and the yellow and white Flash symbol emblazoned across her chest. "Why on earth would I mind? In fact, you should wear this more often."

She leaned in to kiss him again, and this time it was gentle, almost chaste, and it was over far too quickly. Sheldon walked her over to the couch where she disentangled herself from him and they both sat down. They just stared again, taking in the sight of each other for a few minutes. She could hardly wrap her mind around the idea that he was here with her in the flesh. And he looked so _hot_. She reached up to run her fingers over the coarse shadow of hair on his face, and Sheldon shut his eyes at her touch.

_He really did miss me, _she told herself. _He still wants me._ A wave of such intense relief washed over her that she felt like weeping.

"Would you like a beverage," she asked, making sure to adhere to the social protocol he held so dear.

Sheldon shook his head. "No, thank you. I would rather just sit here with you for a while."

Amy smiled and nodded her agreement. "I didn't realize you would be home so soon," she said, tugging at the hem of the shirt to pull it down a bit lower over her thighs. She felt suddenly vulnerable. Inadequate. "I would have dolled myself up a bit for you had I known."

His gaze trailed over her. "You're perfect just the way you are," he stated matter-of-factly. "You always have been."

Her heart soared at his words, and she longed to shove him down against the cushions and have her way with him.

"You look good too, Sheldon," she said instead. "_Really _good."

He smiled at the compliment, a hint of red lighting up on his ears and neck.

"I take it your trip was a success…? Did you find what you were looking for?"

"In part." He nodded. "If nothing else, it helped me reach the conclusion that running away doesn't really solve anything. I realized the problems would still be waiting here when I got back. But it did give me some time to think through things and come to some decisions, so that was productive."

She nodded. "That's good to hear. Did you decide what to do about Caltech?"

"I've decided to continue on with string theory."

"Really?"

"Yes. I met a friend while I was gone, and he pointed out to me that while it may be nearly impossible to prove its existence, should I ever achieve that goal, I am certain to gain the highest prestige imaginable. I've been researching it for so long, it would seem like a waste to give up on it now. Besides, I can't imagine having done all that work only to let someone else eventually get the credit."

"That sounds like a good plan, Sheldon. If anyone can figure it out, it's you."

His smile was tender, she noticed, and laced with none of the cockiness he usually displayed whenever someone complimented him.

"I've made some decisions of my own while you were away," she told him.

He studied her then, his eyes roaming over her face as if trying to read her thoughts. She watched him swallow and she knew he was nervous.

"Sheldon, I never told you how upset I was when you left. I knew you needed this time away, and I couldn't do that to you. But now that you're back, I think it's important that you know."

He chewed on his lip and nodded solemnly. One of his eyes twitched as he drew his sight away from her face to gaze down at his hands.

"I was angry, Sheldon. Angry at you for leaving me the way you did, angry at our friends for keeping it from me until you had gone. And I was also angry with myself."

He snapped his head up at that. "Amy, you did nothing wrong—"

"Let me finish," she said, holding up a hand to silence him. "I know now that it wasn't my fault, but you have to understand that when you snapped at me and then took off, I couldn't help but think that it was because of the last thing I had said to you. And I blamed myself for pushing you away. Do you understand how much that hurt me? To think that my good intentions and my concern for you made you run away from me?"

"I do. And I'm sorry, Amy. I wish I could take it back. I'm sorry for the things I said, and for the way I left, and for not always treating you like you deserve. I know I'm clueless sometimes. It's just I've never…I've never felt this way about anyone, and I don't have the proper tools to—"

"Sheldon." She silenced him by pressing a finger against his lips. His words had struck her so profoundly it was a battle to keep her voice from quaking. "It's okay. I told you that already. I know it was unfair of me to put that kind of pressure on you, and I would never want you to do something you weren't comfortable with…especially if it was only to appease _me._ It's just…I was confused and hurt when you first went away, because I thought we were…well, I thought we were in a better place than that. But I understand now that you felt you had no other options. And I think it was exactly what you needed. If it helped you to figure things out, then I'm glad for it. Just the fact that you acknowledge my feelings on the matter is…well, it's all I really needed to hear."

Sheldon reached up to caress her face, and she rubbed her cheek against his palm.

"Just please, promise me one thing," she murmured, gazing into those impossibly blue eyes of his. "If you ever feel the need to run away again…if I ever push you away unknowingly…please don't leave without saying goodbye." Her voice had faded to a whisper on the final words as a wave of emotion crashed over her.

Sheldon nodded. "Duly noted and agreed to. But Amy, I can assure you I have no intentions of going _anywhere_."

Sheldon gripped her hand and moved it to his lap, gazing meaningfully into her eyes. "Amy…I love you. And it's not just words this time, or something said carelessly without fully grasping its meaning. I just…I _love_ you. _All _of you. I think I always have."

Amy's eyes welled with tears, and her lips trembled as her entire face broke into a grin. "Oh, Sheldon, I love you too. I really, really do. There were times when I wasn't sure how I would make it while you were away."

He pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms securely around her. She melded into him, relishing the feel of his strong embrace, his beloved musky-talc scent that lingered beneath something more worldly and less familiar. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair, and she clutched him tighter.

"I'm sorry too."

They stayed like that for a long while, lost in the nearness of each other. When at last they pulled away, Amy wiped the wetness from her cheeks and let out a relieved laugh. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

Sheldon's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Maybe I should make _you_ a hot beverage."

_Maybe we should go into my kitchen and cook something up together_, she thought with a naughty little internal smirk. Things always seemed to heat up in her kitchen for some reason. But she reined herself in. He had only just gotten back and she needed time to process all of this.

"You really caught me off guard," she said instead. "I thought you were a week away still, at the very least."

"I asked Penny to keep it a secret. I wanted to surprise you."

"You talked to Penny?"

"Yes, I called her and Leonard this morning. I figured I should find out what my living arrangements had been reduced to so I could prepare myself ahead of time."

"Those little _liars_," Amy gasped, but she was smiling. "She and Bernadette made me think they were taking me out for a girl's day today to cheer me up. But really they were—" She bit her lip, realizing now that when they'd said they were helping her get ready for his return, they had actually known _exactly_ what they were doing.

Sheldon cocked his head at her, his brow furrowing in confusion. "How does a girl's day coincide with my return to Pasadena?"

Amy thought fast. "Oh, well, they just acted like they were doing it to take my mind off your being gone, when they actually knew the whole time that you were coming back tonight, that's all."

"Well, I'm glad to see that for once, Penny was able to keep a secret. I was worried she would blab to you the moment she saw you, despite my strict orders otherwise."

She smiled, happy to note that while something had definitely shifted inside of him, _matured_ even, he was still the same old Sheldon.

"It's nice that Leonard let you keep the apartment," she said.

"Yes, I was relieved to learn that that was one change I wouldn't have to face right now. Although it's still going to be an adjustment now that he's gone."

Amy nodded, being sure to avoid the mention of potential roommates at all costs. She had vowed to herself never to bring it up again. "I know you'll be just fine, Sheldon, and I'm here if you need anything."

"Thank you." He squeezed her hand then rose from the couch. "Well, it's late. I should get going and let you sleep. I'm pretty tired myself. Riding on a train every day isn't as restful as it sounds."

She stood with him, reluctant to let him go. An irrational fear gripped her at the thought of him walking out her door never to materialize again.

"Oh, that reminds me," he said, rushing out into the hall. "I have something for you."

He came back in with a duffel bag which he rifled through for a moment before producing a square, flat box. There was no wrapping paper, but a ribbon was tied around it in a bow. He handed it to her, and for the first time, his smile wavered, and she thought she could detect a hint of uncertainty in his eyes.

"But Sheldon, you hate gifts."

"I do…but this one is…different. You can open it whenever you see fit," he instructed. "Take all the time you need to consider the significance of what's inside. And then, when you're ready, you know where to find me."

She stared at him wide-eyed, curiosity, fear and excitement all battling for dominance.

"Thank you," was all she could manage.

Then he leaned in and kissed her gently before picking up his bag and heading out her door. He turned back once he had reached the hallway and offered her a timid wave. "Goodnight, Amy."

"Goodnight, Sheldon."

Amy stood in her doorway, watching until the last trace of him disappeared from view. It was a struggle to resist the urge to run after him, but she let him go, clutching onto the parcel he'd placed in her hands just a moment ago. She shut and locked the door, then sank onto the couch, studying it but not daring to open it just yet.

What could it possibly be, she wondered. It wasn't an engagement ring; the box wasn't small enough or square enough for that, and besides, that was a step she knew neither of them were ready for just yet. It could be some other kind of jewelry—most definitely not another tiara though as the box was too flat. Sheldon _had_ placated her that way in the past as a form of apology, but he knew she didn't wear much in the way of accessories, so that idea seemed a bit out of place. She supposed it could be a gift certificate of some kind, or maybe an interesting scientific trinket he'd picked up on his journey; he had told her about some of his findings along the way. Her interest was starting to get the better of her now, and she lifted the box, holding it up to her ear and shaking it gently. Something moved inside with a soft scratching sound.

_Oh, screw it_, she thought, and tore the ribbon free.

She opened the lid slowly, holding her breath as she peered down at its contents. A folded sheet of paper rested on top, which she quickly removed, and the light caught and reflected off something shiny and gold beneath. She stared in awe at the object, her mind whirling with a million thoughts and emotions. Sheldon had given her a key.

With trembling hands, she reached for the sheet of paper and unfolded it, reading over the words that had been scrawled in her boyfriend's neat script.

_Amy,_

_I've had a lot of time to think while I've been away, and I've come to the conclusion that you're one of the things I should not have had to ponder so intensely. I already know what you are to me—what you've always been. And I find myself forced to concede for the first time that Penny was right about something, in particular when she said that you're the key to my happiness. I hope this small token—if you choose to accept it—will be the start of yours._

_As such, I would like to propose an experiment. Come stay with me for a night as a trial run. From there, we will evaluate our findings—together. Feel free to let yourself in. _

_Sheldon_


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: **Well...here it is. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. I want to thank each and every one of you for all the support you've shown me throughout writing this story, and I hope this part will have been worth the wait. This isn't the end just yet; I expect one or two more chapters. I'm sure Sheldon is rather wildly out of character in this one, but I _did_ try. (How does one go about keeping Sheldon in character in a situation like this?) Anyway, on with the show.

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Ten**

_For the record, I do have genitals. They're functional and aesthetically pleasing. – Sheldon, The Skank Reflex Analysis_

"Hey, quit shoving," Bernadette rasped, elbowing Raj in the ribs.

"Ow! Sorry! I was just trying to get away from Howard. He keeps stepping on my feet with those stacked heels."

"Well, sorry," Howard grumbled. "I'm just trying to see. Penny's hogging the peephole!"

"You _do_ realize this is sad, right?" Leonard interjected. "Hiding in here and spying on the Shamy?"

"Hey," Howard argued, "they might _finally _do the dance with no pants." He wiggled his hips around for emphasis. "In other words: _Sheldon Cooper might actually get laid! _That's monumental!"

Leonard groaned. "Thanks, Howard. That's a mental image I could have gone my entire life without."

"Well, _I_ think it's romantic," said Raj.

"You think _everything _is romantic," Howard griped.

"Shhh! Shhh!" Penny held up her hands, silencing them. "Here she comes!"

The group of friends was gathered inside apartment 4B, crowded around Penny and Leonard's door so they could get front row seats to the show that was about to unfold across the hall. Sheldon had confided in Leonard that he had offered Amy a key last night and had left it up to her whether she wanted to stay over sometime for a roommate trial run. Having known of her long standing desire to move in with him, Penny had called Amy this morning to try to fish for her reaction to Sheldon's suggestion without actually asking about it outright. To her chagrin, Amy had offered up nothing. But she _had _mentioned that she would be paying him a surprise visit this evening around five o'clock, and after gossiping to Bernadette, the news had traveled fast amongst their social group. None of them were certain just what the idea of them living together might entail. Each of them had their hunches, but knowing Sheldon and Amy, the outcome could be anything from a platonic sharing of common spaces to them finally becoming full-fledged lovers. For Amy's sake, Penny and Bernadette hoped it would be the latter. That was, of course, if Amy was still even receptive to the idea.

"Let me see!" Bernadette shoved Penny out of the way and rose up onto her tiptoes to peer out into the passageway. She saw their friend ascending the last of the stairs and making her way onto the landing. Amy stood before the door of 4A for a long moment, just staring at the key in her hand.

"What's happening," Leonard asked.

"She's unlocking the door!" Bernadette gasped. "It's swinging open, and…oh my god, there's Sheldon!"

It was Raj's turn to force his way in. He pressed his hands against the frame, bracing himself as he took in the scene before him. "You should see the way they're looking at each other! They're just standing there, staring into each other's eyes," he swooned. "It's like a love poem without the words!"

"It's my door, out of the way." Leonard took his turn next. He watched with interest as Amy dropped the key back into the pocket of the duffel bag she was carrying.

"I accept your proposal," they all heard her say, and the assembled group made little sounds of triumph.

Leonard smiled when he saw his oldest friend's face light up. It was a look the man had only ever reserved for Amy, and it was good to see him so happy.

"What's happening now?" Howard knocked Leonard out of the way just in time to see the two of them draw closer, never once breaking eye contact. But that's all he was able to glimpse before Penny pushed him aside to steal the prime spot again.

"Oh, my god," she squealed, watching with delight as the lanky physicist pulled Amy in and captured her lips with his own. "They're _kissing_!"

Sheldon gripped his girlfriend by the shoulders and stepped back into the living room, pulling her inside with him. Then, just as the door was closing, he called out in a voice loud enough for them all to hear. "Yes, I kissed her. Show's over. I'm locking this door, and you can all go home." And with that, it slammed shut, and all was silent.

* * *

Amy laughed and shook her head as she moved further into the room and set her bag down on the floor. "Our friends have to be the nosiest people on the planet."

"I concur." Sheldon's tone and expression were ones of annoyance, but the sentiment didn't quite reach his eyes. Instead, his gaze softened as he took her in. "I'm glad you're here," he murmured.

She smiled at that as she trailed her sight over his form. He looked a bit different from last night. He had shaved, she noticed with a hint of disappointment (there had been something sexy about the feel of the rough stubble beneath her hands), but he hadn't yet gotten his hair cut, and it was still a bit unruly, as opposed to the neat way he had always combed it down before. She wondered if she could persuade him to keep it this way. He was wearing a familiar pair of beige pants, but instead of his usual t-shirts, he had on another casual button down. She liked this mix of the old and the new; it brought things into perspective in an understated yet profound way. It was definitely a look she could live with.

"I'm glad I'm here too," she whispered. "Thank you for the key; it was the best gift I could have ever asked for."

Sheldon gave her one of those cherished, heartfelt smiles of his. "Good," he said softly. And then after a moment, he gestured toward the couch. "Please, have a seat, and I'll get us something to drink. Do you have a preference?"

Amy sank onto the sofa and shook her head, smiling internally at this familiar custom. "No," she said. "Surprise me."

He stared at her for a moment and opened his mouth as if about to retort, but then decided against it and went to dig through the refrigerator instead. While he was busy in the kitchen, Amy took a moment to gaze around the apartment. She noted that not much had really changed since Leonard had moved out—at least not in the common living area. A few of the books and knickknacks were missing, but all of the furniture was just as it had been when Sheldon had left. Amy had visited 4B frequently, but this was the first time she had stepped foot into 4A since the bespectacled man had taken up permanent residence across the hall five weeks ago.

It was nice of their friends, she reflected, to help Sheldon adjust by not altering his environment overly much. Although he had transformed in subtle ways, she knew the emotions and thought processes that made up his internal constitution would never change. And she liked it that way. She had, after all, fallen in love with an egotistical, stubborn physicist who thrived on order. And while she was elated that he had made strides in certain areas and had come to take her needs and desires more into consideration, she wouldn't have it any other way.

It wasn't until a glass of something pink was being held in front of her eyes that Amy snapped back to the present. She smiled up at Sheldon and accepted the beverage, waiting until he had taken his spot beside her before sampling it.

"I'm usually not a huge fan of strawberry Quik, but this is extra good for some reason," she said.

Sheldon beamed at her. "It's because I made it with the _sryup_."

"But I thought—"

He kissed her then, deep and passionate, stealing her breath away. "Mmm…" he moaned into her mouth. "The syrup _definitely_ tastes better."

When he let her go, she took a moment to breathe and found herself helpless to do anything but stare at him. "_The syrup tastes better and I don't like it!" _Those had been the last words he had said to her before he'd departed from her life over two months ago. She had thought that summed up perfectly his feelings about them living together. It would seem he'd changed his mind on both accounts. She wished she could attach electrodes to his brain and figure out what he was thinking in that moment. But the way he was looking back at her with that penetrating gaze told her all she really needed to know.

Sheldon set his glass on the coffee table, and she followed suit as he turned to face her. She smiled nervously, her heart thudding in her chest. Her presence here indicated that she had agreed to a trial sleepover with Sheldon, which might lead to an actual move-in if all went well. She really _hoped_ it would, but she was worried she would do something to screw things up again.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Sheldon," she asked. "It's quite a big step."

He nodded. "It is. But I think it's time. I've made us both wait long enough."

"So you've been wanting this? Does that mean your little outburst was—"

"I was afraid, Amy. I'm still afraid. But I'm starting to see that the potential for happiness is sometimes worth the risk. _You're _worth the risk."

She grinned at him, recalling how she had spoken similar words to him not so long ago. His declaration was evidence enough that he had thought this through, and it confirmed what she had already understood about his state of mind the last time she had brought up the idea: he had been considering this for a while, he had just been scared to face it.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. I'm nervous too," she admitted. "But I think we can make this work. It will be an adjustment, but we love each other. That's what really matters."

Sheldon nodded. "Agreed. Amy, I want you to know that I asked you to do this because I truly want you here. I'm more than capable of living alone, and Leonard said he'll still drive me to work. This isn't out of convenience for me, it's because you make me happy. And I want to make you happy as well."

Amy reached for him, pulling him tight to her, and he wrapped his arms around her, returning the hug. "I presume this means I've succeeded?"

"More than you know."

She held him for a moment longer before releasing him.

"So…assuming this goes well, is there a new Roommate Agreement to sign, or some kind of alteration to the Relationship Agreement?"

"We will need to address that," he said. "But I thought we could do that together."

"Really?" The idea of being included in the decision making process without him taking the initial liberties thrilled her. "Thank you, Sheldon. So then what are the arrangements for tonight? I think I would rather sleep in Leonard's old room than on the couch if that's all right. I should probably take my stuff in there and get settled. I'll change the sheets too so we won't have to worry about it at bedtime."

She rose to her feet and reached for her bag, but Sheldon's hand on her arm halted her.

"It can wait."

She turned to look at him, and found him standing directly beside her, so close she could feel the heat radiating off of him. The weight of his gaze was so intense it almost penetrated right through her. Sheldon studied her face, grazing her cheek feather-light with the backs of his knuckles, and she shut her eyes, lost in the feel of his touch. She had missed this more than words could express.

"Okay..."

He reached for her then, cradling the back her head and threading his fingers through her hair. She stared up at him and they moved toward one another slowly, never breaking eye contact. And then his lips were pressing against hers and her eyes fell shut. Sheldon trailed his fingers down the back of her neck, and she shivered with delight. She laid her hands against his chest, massaging the muscles there through the fabric of his shirt. One of his hands slid down to cup her breast, and she moaned into his mouth, savoring the contact.

When they broke apart, Sheldon pressed his forehead to hers, taking a moment to catch his breath. "I propose," he said softly, his voice taking on a low, husky quality, "that you accompany me…to my bedroom."

"Hoo…" It slipped out before she even had time to process it. When she gazed up into his eyes, she saw the desire burning there, and she swallowed around the nervous lump that had lodged itself in her throat. Sheldon took her hands in his, and she chewed on her lip, feeling shy and exhilarated and terrified all at once.

"Amy?" His voice was gentle, questioning, and she realized that he was waiting for her to respond.

She smiled uncertainly, desiring this more than anything she had ever hoped for in her entire life, yet still hesitant. She worried how this would change things between them, whether he would end up enjoying it, or if it would ultimately push him away for good.

"Are you absolutely _sure_?"

He squeezed her hands tighter. "I am," he said. "I've had a lot of time to think this over…and I want you." He glanced away from her, his eyes darting everywhere but her face. "I want…" He licked his lips and forced himself to meet her eyes again. She watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed. "I want…to make love to you."

Every ounce of breath fled her chest at those seven simple words. He hadn't said he was ready for "coitus", or even "sex". He had said "_make love_". It was a phrase she never would have believed could come out of his mouth. But then, he had been surprising her quite a bit lately.

Amy nodded vigorously, indicating her agreement. She couldn't speak; her throat had gone completely dry. It would seem, after all this time, the "Amy" switch she had always envisioned with that fine layer of dust in the back of his brain had been turned on at last. And the light it emitted shone brighter than she could have imagined.

A look of relief flashed across his face, but was quickly replaced with an emotion she didn't quite recognize. Before she could ponder its meaning, he was leaning into her. His hands came up to cradle her jaw, his thumbs caressing over her cheeks.

His kiss was sweet and gentle, and she kissed him back with vigor, their embrace quickly evolving into one of hungry desire. Amy wrapped her arms around his waist as they continued to make out, and he guided her slowly around the couch, up the step and into the hall, never once breaking contact. She couldn't believe this was actually about to happen. Her heart began to hammer in her chest as they neared their destination, and she felt his body tense up against hers.

They broke apart then, gazing into one another's eyes as if searching for reassurance. They shared a coy smile before turning to face the door. Sheldon took her hand then, threading his fingers through hers, and Amy sucked in a deep breath to steady herself. This was the moment—their rite of passage. No matter what happened, good or bad, she knew nothing would be quite the same again.

* * *

Keeping a firm grip on her hand, Sheldon closed the door and then reached for his bedside lamp, casting the room in a soft golden glow. He let out a long, shuddering breath before turning to look at her. She gazed up at him, and he found himself wondering what she was thinking. He recognized the fear in her eyes, but he also thought he could detect a hint of desire and perhaps a glimmer of devotion.

"What now," he asked, hoping she would have the answers he had failed to come up with on his own.

Amy bit her lip. "I don't know," she said. "I think maybe…we could start with another kiss…?"

Sheldon smiled as he drew her closer, complying with her suggestion. This was one area he seemed to have mastered. Amy pressed against him, deepening the embrace, and he wrapped his arms around her, taking comfort in her nearness. They were both new to this, he reminded himself. He knew Amy wouldn't judge him unfairly. Still, he wanted to be good for her. Sheldon Cooper didn't half-ass anything. He had to do this right.

He pulled away and, still gripping her hand, he led her to the bed. They sank down onto the edge together, facing one another, and a moment of silence passed between them.

"Amy," he murmured, "I need you to tell me if I do anything wrong. I don't want to hurt or scare you."

Her smile was so full of love that it dissolved a great deal of his fear.

"You could never scare me. You're everything I've ever wanted. No matter what happens or how we might blunder, it won't be anything but perfect. _You're _perfect for me, Sheldon."

He kissed her again, delighting in the way her lips and tongue caressed against his. He could do this over and over and over and never tire of it, he decided. How he could have ever been adverse to the idea of kissing her he would never know.

As he began to undo the buttons on her cardigan, Amy reached for his shirt, following suit. He slid the garment down her arms, and she pulled away to free herself of it, flashing him a delighted smile.

"You haven't switched back to your t-shirts yet, I see."

"I wore this for you. You seemed to like the one I had on last night."

"Mmm…I did. I like this new look of yours, Sheldon. It's sexy."

Sexy. He smiled at that. It was a word he had never associated with…well, _anything, _until he had listened to her speak about her research into all of the various scientific platforms he might embrace after string theory. That had been _alluring. _And for the first time, he had understood what his friends had meant when they had used that word. Now Amy was saying it about him, and it filled him with an inexplicable sense of satisfaction.

Amy was tugging at his shirt now, and he sat back, allowing her to remove it, leaving him only in his undershirt which she quickly pulled over his head. He smiled at her as her gaze roamed over his bare chest, no longer feeling as exposed and insecure as he had the first couple of times. She ran her hands over the newly exposed skin, and he shut his eyes with a contented hum.

"My turn," he announced after a moment.

She stilled her movements as he worked his way down the next series of buttons, sliding the blouse off her body and discarding it, and then sat frowning at the t-shirt that was barring his view of her chest and abdomen. "You're wearing too many layers," he said in aggravation.

She giggled, and he couldn't help but smile at the sound. "Sorry. I'll wear less next time."

"Please do," he requested, remembering how fetching she had looked in just his t-shirt and a pair of underwear. He made little work of the garment, gazing openly at her smooth, lightly tanned skin.

Amy reached behind her to unhook her bra, but Sheldon stilled her hands. "Let me," he murmured, and she complied.

He leaned into her, pressing their chests together, and reached around her to fumble with the closure. It took him a moment but he managed eventually, and then he pulled the straps from her shoulders and tossed it away. He sat back then, his gaze roaming over her neck and shoulders and breasts, taking her all in. Amy chewed on her lip as he did so, looking suddenly shy. He grazed his fingers lightly over her tummy, and she reached for him as well, running hers through the patch of hair between his nipples.

Sheldon scooted closer to her on the bed and brushed her hair away from her neck, pressing his lips against the newly exposed skin. Amy moaned softly and tilted her head to the side, granting him easier access. His hands caressed her shoulders and then slid down to trail over her breasts. He cupped one in his palm, flicking and pinching the nipple of the other.

Amy groaned at his movements, her chest rising and falling faster as he continued to explore. He trailed his mouth lower, planting kisses over her sternum and the soft mounds of flesh, pausing at one taut bud. He took it into his mouth, gently sucking and fluttering his tongue over it, delighted to hear the cadence of Amy's raspy breathing, and to feel the sweet pain of her fingers tugging at his hair.

"Oh, god, Sheldon…I've missed this so much," she whispered.

"Me too," he answered, before continuing his teasing.

Amy was positively panting now, and he pulled away to look her in the face, his own arousal peaking at her lust-filled expression. He mapped a path down her torso with his fingertips, relishing the way she shivered beneath his touch. His hands came to rest at the waistline of her skirt, and he gazed into her eyes, asking her without words if she was ready to proceed.

Amy chewed on her lip again and nodded, raising herself up a bit as he began to tug the garment down over her hips. He could hardly believe he was doing this, and he felt a stab of panic when he realized that soon he would be seeing her completely nude for the first time. This wasn't at all like the day he'd given her a bath, back when he was still trying to deny his curiosity by concealing her body under a mound of bubbles. This was something different entirely, like the forbidden fruit in his dreams. He was ready to pluck it now, to delve into something he had never before tasted.

The skirt was easily removed and thankfully there were no tights to deal with this time. He moved from the mattress to kneel down on the floor, pulling the shoes off her feet and placing them neatly next to the bed, leaving her only in her underwear. Sheldon exhaled as he considered that last barrier, his hands itching to remove it, but his brain protesting in fear.

Instead, he pressed his lips against her shin bone, kissing his way up her leg, his tongue darting out to map a trail over her flesh. He glanced up at her briefly to see if this was okay, and found her eyes were closed and her head tilted back. He had come to recognize this sign very well, and he smiled internally, his confidence level inching up a notch.

Her foot jerked when he reached the back of her knee, and she giggled. Sheldon grinned devilishly and flicked his tongue over the sensitive area, causing her to squirm and squeal, before moving on. When he got to her mid-thigh, he paused, unsure of where to go from here.

Before he could worry over it for too long, Amy was pulling at his shoulders, guiding him back up onto his feet to stand before her. He obeyed her silent request, and a moment later, her hands were working at the fly of his pants. Terror shot through him at the idea of what she was about to do, but he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing himself to calm down. This was what he wanted; he knew that without a doubt. But it was a struggle to combat the instinct that had been so ingrained in him all these years.

She paused for a moment, seeming to sense his unease. "We can stop if you're uncomfortable," she assured him.

He gripped her hands, which were still pressed against the front of his pants, his love and gratitude for this amazing woman overtaking his trepidations. "Do you feel that," he asked, rubbing her fingers over his erection. "There's no way I'm stopping now."

She smiled at that and pulled the zipper down, torturously slowly. Sheldon thought he would die before the straining in his pants was at last eased. But finally she pulled the flap open and he breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't until she began tugging the garment down that he tensed up again. But somehow he managed to swallow past his fear, and then the cool air was brushing against his thighs. He kicked his shoes off as she slid the pants down his calves, and then he stepped out of the garment, leaving it, too, lying in a heap on the floor. Sheldon ignored the urge to pick everything up and fold it neatly before proceeding, his need for her outweighing his need for order.

He sank back onto the bed and they kissed again, their hands roaming over one another, fondling, exploring, teasing. Her fingers brushed across his erection through the thin layer of his briefs, and he moaned into her mouth, remembering the last time she'd touched him there. On instinct, his own hand found the soft spot between her legs, and he was transported to that last evening of passion they'd shared. He had thought about it often while on his journey, particularly in the dark of night, during that limbo between wakefulness and dreams, and it had only been due to the presence of others nearby that he had refrained from touching himself.

But now, sitting here prone under the awkward skill of her fingers, he was glad he'd waited. And from the mewling sounds she was making, the intensity of this act was having just as big of an impact on her. Their harsh breaths flooded the room as they continued to stroke one another, and at last, Sheldon's inhibitions faded, and he found his fingers curling over the elastic of her panties.

Amy jerked upward at this gesture, and she stared at him, her chest heaving, and her eyes wide. Sheldon yanked his hands away, knowing he had gone too far. But he had researched this. He thought this was the next logical step. Perhaps he had gotten it wrong; he was still unsure when it came to reading signals. But then she was reaching for his hands and placing them back where they had been, and she let out a long, shaky breath and nodded her consent.

Sheldon licked his lips. This was it, he told himself, the final obstacle, and he moved his hands slowly, drinking in the feel of her smooth, silky flesh beneath them as he pulled the garment down over her thighs. And just like that, Amy was naked. Sheldon hitched his breath and shut his eyes, turning his head away from her, his breath coming in harsh gasps.

"Sheldon…? Are you okay?"

"It hurts," he whispered, his voice nearly breaking. "It hurts to look at you."

Amy made a strangled sound and he forced himself to open his eyes and glance at her face. Her brow was furrowed, her jaw quivered, and there was a glimmer of tears in her eyes. She began to cross her arms over herself then as if trying to cover up her shame. She was hurt, Sheldon realized. He hadn't meant for that to happen.

"You're just so…_exquisite,_" he whispered.

With that lone declaration, her entire expression lit up. Relief washed over him at the sight, but then the tears began to trail down her cheeks, and he panicked that he had screwed everything up.

"Amy? I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

She silenced him then with a kiss, and he realized that she wasn't sad, but pleased. Tears of joy. He still didn't understand that concept, but he could recognize it for what it was. Sheldon wrapped his arms around her, cradling her body as he returned the kiss, and tipped her backward to lay her gently against the mattress. He propped himself over her with one arm, the other hand roaming the length of her body as his tongue tangled with hers. His fingers mapped a path down over a nipple, across her ribcage, and the softness of her belly. And then they moved lower to tentatively stroke over her most intimate of areas barrier-free for the first time.

Amy hitched her breath when his fingers found the soft folds of her flesh, and Sheldon exhaled, his mind in overdrive. He had never felt anything like it. Amy's skin was soft and warm and wet, and he found he wasn't disgusted by it at all. In fact, it aroused him in a way he had never expected.

_Ohh god_, he thought as he continued to slide his fingers over her, eliciting a series of gasps and moans from his girlfriend's throat. He scanned his mind then, recalling what he'd read in that book and online, and he sat up, allowing his sight to trail over the perfectly groomed mound between her legs. He spread her thighs a bit, studying the way her labia parted, revealing the hooded nub nestled between them.

"Sheldon," Amy whispered, her voice trembling. "What are you doing?"

She pulled herself up onto her elbows, watching him, her face and neck blushing red. Embarrassment, he thought. It occurred to him then that the intensity of his inquisitive gaze might be making her uncomfortable. So, keeping his eyes locked with hers instead, he moved his fingers to the newly located spot and began to rub gentle circles over it, like the book had instructed.

"Ohhh Sheldon!" She fell back against the bed then, her shame seemingly forgotten. Her hips bucked at his touch, and her fingers curled into the bedspread.

Sheldon smiled, realizing he had done good and relishing the look of rapture on his girlfriend's face. Her eyes were squeezed shut tight, her lips parted, and she tipped her head back, pressing it against the mattress. Knowing that he was the one who was doing this to her, that he had been the only one to ever touch her or bring her pleasure this way only heightened his desire, and his cock twitched painfully. He leaned over her to capture one of her nipples with his lips, and Amy arched up off the bed.

"Oh, god, Sheldon, please!"

Bracing himself against the mattress, he lifted his hips and began pulling his underwear down with one hand. Before he could get very far, she had sat up and was batting his hands away. She pulled the waistband away from his body to carefully maneuver it around his erection, and then she tugged the briefs down his thighs with force. Sheldon relished this take charge side of her, and he made a mental note to figure out a way to bring it out more often. But now, his concentration was focused on freeing his ankles from the stretchy fabric and taking in the sight of Amy's face.

She was breathing heavily, staring down at his newly freed cock, which was now rock hard and standing at full attention. He understood her embarrassment now, feeling exposed under the weight of her gaze. But the way she licked her lips as she gaped at him spoke of a hunger that made his entire body quiver.

"Oh my," she breathed, reaching out to graze her fingers over it, skin to skin for the first time. Sheldon bit his lip as he watched her, swallowing down a gasp of pleasure. "Sheldon, it's…magnificent." He smiled at that, filled with sudden pride. He wasn't really sure how he compared to other men, but Amy was a biologist, so if she thought it was impressive, he figured she must know what she was talking about.

He sat still for a moment, watching her wrap her fingers around him and slowly begin to stroke his length. It was a struggle to keep his eyes open, but he so desperately wanted to take in this moment and commit it forever to memory. It was when Amy's other hand reached to cradle his balls that his eyelids finally fell shut, and a ragged gasp escaped his throat.

"Oh, lord…Amy!"

She continued to stroke him for another minute until he found he couldn't take anymore. He pushed her back forcefully against the mattress and pressed his body against hers, devouring her mouth with a kiss. Amy moaned beneath him, bucking her hips up against his, and he matched her rhythm, thrusting against her pubic bone. God, he needed her. He wanted her. He pulled his lips from hers, and stared down into her eyes. Amy bit her lip and nodded.

"Please, Sheldon," she whispered.

"Nightstand," was all he could manage.

Amy reached over and pulled open the drawer, fumbling around for a moment before producing the box of condoms he had hidden there upon his return home. He opened the box and tore open one of the little packages quickly, studying the ring of latex for a moment to figure out how to put it on. Amy chewed on her lip as she watched him roll it over himself. Then he sat there for a moment, eyes closed, willing his body to calm down enough so that this wouldn't be over before it had really begun.

He slipped his fingers behind each of her knees and carefully drew them up and away from one another, granting him access. Their eyes met again and there was a stab of fear. But her soft, caring gaze negated his anxiety.

"Are you ready?"

She nodded. "Yes, Sheldon. Take me. Please."

That was all he needed to hear. Sheldon positioned himself over her, staring intently into her eyes, bracing himself with his hands on either side of her body. The head of his penis grazed against her softness, and he gasped, lost in the sweet sensation.

Amy pressed her knees against his sides and wrapped her hands around his back, pulling him closer to her. She raised her hips, and he took this as an invitation. Carefully, slowly, he pushed against her, and the tip of his cock slipped inside of her.

She gripped his arms, and her head fell back as she let out a soft cry. He paused then, watching her and giving her time to adjust.

"Are you all right?"

Amy squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. "Just go slowly," she whispered.

He inched in a bit further, and she gasped, clutching at his back.

"I'm hurting you. I should stop." He began to pull away, but she gripped him tighter.

"No! Don't you dare." Then her voice grew softer. "Yes, it hurts, but…it feels so good, Sheldon. Please keep going."

It felt like an eternity as Sheldon took his time, carefully easing into her until at last he was fully buried inside of her. He paused then, lost in the feel of her tight wet heat. It was like nothing he had ever felt before, and the magnitude of the sensation was overwhelming.

"Oh sweet Jesus," he breathed, keeping perfectly still, lest his body push him over the edge far too soon. _Kohlinar. _ He shut his eyes, breathing slowly in and out, focusing on nothing but the rise and fall of his own chest, and trying to ignore the delicious pleasure that was already beginning to spiral through his belly.

At long last, his body relented a bit, and he opened his eyes. Amy ran her fingers over his cheek, smiling sweetly.

"Okay?" She asked.

Incapable of any other response, he nodded and bit his lips, still struggling for an ounce of control.

Amy lifted her hips then, and Sheldon took that as a sign to proceed. He began to move, rocking his hips gently. He pulled away until only the tip was still inside of her, relishing the friction against his straining flesh, and then he pushed back in, his breath hitching at the sweet intensity of it all.

Amy moaned and arched up into him, her fingers trailing up his spine. She pulled him down into a kiss, and their tongues intertwined, the passion between them building higher and higher as he began speed up his movements. When he pulled away, he gazed upon her face, and his mind traveled once again to that place where all was silent, and nothing existed but this exquisite, intense heat, and the green seas of Amy's irises.

Staring into her eyes was like glimpsing the cosmos. All the planets aligned, drawing his life back into order and erasing the chaos. As he gazed at her now, he was struck with a moment of clarity, and he knew without a doubt that she was his and he was hers. She was his future, and he wanted her, now and forever.

Amy drew her knees toward her chest and slid her feet against his sides to hook around his back, allowing him to sink deeper inside of her. They kept their gazes trained on one another as his body took over, pumping into her harder and faster, and he felt himself falling into the abyss. Their harsh breaths and soft moans echoed in the silence, and he trailed his hand over her, wanting to feel all of her, her breasts, her hips, the soft flesh of her ass. He snaked his fingers beneath her, squeezing her backside and drawing her upward, rubbing his pelvis over the sensitive nub of her clitoris with every stroke.

He buried his face into her neck as sensation took over, and he rocked his hips with increasing intensity, thrusting deep within her again and again, desperate to feel the sweet relief of release. He was vaguely aware of Amy's body tensing beneath him as he pounded into her, his mouth and hands moving over her body, touching, licking, caressing, tasting. Amy's fingers threaded through his hair, and she arched her hips into his, matching him thrust for thrust.

"Amy," he gasped. "Oh _god,_ Amy…"

He was so close. He could feel the world crashing around him, and then he heard the impassioned cries of Amy's release, and her body spasmed around him, clenching and milking him toward his own completion. A few more thrusts, and Sheldon threw his head back, a loud, guttural growl ripping from his chest, like the howl of a wild beast, as at last his body and mind gave in to all of his deepest desires. A blinding light flashed beneath his closed eyelids as an entire universe was born, galaxies and stars bursting into life one after the next.

When at last he came down from his high, he fell on top of her, burying his face in her hair. His chest rose and fell with every harsh breath, and she wrapped her arms around him, planting little kisses along his neck and just holding him tight.

At last he pulled out of her and flopped onto his back, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, overwhelmed by a sudden and intense wave of emotion. He could not put a name to what he was feeling in that moment, but it overpowered him, and he felt his chest constrict, his eyes welling with tears.

It wasn't until he heard his girlfriend gasping sharply that he turned to look at her.

Her cheeks were streaming with tears of her own, and an instant wave of panic washed over him.

"Amy?" He leaned over her, brushing his fingers over her forehead. "Are you okay," he asked softly, genuine concern for her overtaking him. "I hurt you, didn't I? I'm sorry, I—"

"No," she smiled then through her sobbing and opened her eyes to gaze up at him. "I'm just…I love you so much, Sheldon."

He exhaled with relief, and she reached up, brushing her fingers over the skin beneath his eyes. It was then that he realized his own cheeks were wet.

"I love you too, Amy," he whispered. And then he drew her close, holding her securely against him, determined to never let her go.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **Someone commented this morning asking if I was Misophonia or heavily influenced by her writing, since our erotic scenes are apparently similar. I can assure you, I'm not her. ;) The truth is, I've only recently gotten back into fanfiction, and while I have heard a tiny bit about her, I have yet to read anything she's written (but her name is now on my list of authors to read). From what little I can gather from other people, she sounds like a pretty talented writer, so I will definitely take that as a compliment (and if you're reading this, hello, Misophonia!). As far as I know, I've never had a person assume I'm someone else based on my writing before, so I'm definitely intrigued.

Anyway, I wanted to thank all of you for the encouraging comments after the last chapter. I really wasn't sure how it would be received, so I was really glad you liked it. There is one more chapter coming up after this one, and then this little tale will be finished. I hope this one isn't too scandalous for you! Enjoy!

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Eleven**

_"Sheldon and I engaged in sexual intercourse. In other news, I'm thinking of starting an herb garden. Mum's the word! Gotta go!"- Amy, The Herb Garden Germination_

Sheldon's eyes popped open and he blinked in the dim light, unsure for a moment where he was. A weight was pressing against his left arm, and his fingers tingled when he tried to move them. Turning his head, he saw Amy's face nestled against him, her eyes shut and lips slightly parted as she slept. Her hair was mussed and it spilled across his bare chest like a waterfall made of chocolate. Sheldon smiled at the sight of her and ran the fingertips of his free hand over her cheek. She truly was magnificent. It was then that he realized they were both still naked.

It would seem then that what they had done together this evening had not been a dream. He took a moment to think that over, trying to decide if he was okay with it. He wasn't panicking, and he had not been overcome with the sudden urge to bolt, so he figured he must be. Actually, he was more than okay. He and Amy had taken the final step toward a fully intimate relationship at last. He had laid claim to her and made her his. There was a sense of pride that came with that, and also a newfound feeling of responsibility. He wanted to protect her suddenly, to keep the world at bay and make sure nothing could hurt her. He hadn't expected that side effect, and yet he didn't mind it. It made him feel important somehow. Needed.

Their lovemaking had probably been a bit awkward compared to normal standards, he reflected. Despite his research and her education on human anatomy, neither of them had really known what they were doing in practice. And yet, they had managed to interpret quite easily how everything worked and what went where. For once in his life, he had allowed instinct to take over, and things seemed to come naturally from there. Combined, they possessed an IQ of almost 375; if anyone could figure it out, it was them. And boy, had they _ever_. It had been exhilarating and sweaty and clumsy and glorious. He definitely wanted to do it again. But right now, the perspiration and stickiness that still clung to his skin was beginning to weigh on his mind. He needed a shower—they both did.

"Amy," he said softly, shaking her shoulder. "Hey, Amy?"

"Mmm…" she mumbled, shifting a bit against him.

"Amy, wake up. We need to get up now."

Slowly, her eyes fluttered open and she tilted her head to look at him. "Sheldon? What time is it?"

"I don't know. I can't move to check." He tugged his arm for emphasis.

"Oh, sorry." She lifted her head and he felt relief at last as the blood began to flow again.

Sheldon slipped his arm from beneath her and began flexing and rubbing it, cringing as a sensation akin to a troop of marching fire ants pricked beneath his skin. Amy flopped back down onto the mattress as he shifted to glance at the bedside clock.

"It's seven-thirty-four," he announced. "No wonder my stomach is grumbling. It's past dinner time."

She directed a dreamy smile at him. "Sheldon, you haven't been on a proper dinner schedule for two months."

"Well…I suppose that's true," he conceded. "Still, I'm hungry. We should shower and have something to eat."

"Okay," she agreed.

He hoisted himself into a sitting position and swung his feet over the side of the bed. As he stood, he realized his legs were a bit wobbly. It would seem that sex really drained a person of their energy. He would have to be sure to take that into consideration and plan accordingly. He dug through his drawers for a moment and produced his Sunday pajamas and robe, and a pair of underwear, and then he began to walk toward his bedroom door. He paused then and turned to wait for her, and he realized then that she hadn't moved from the bed. Her gaze, however, was trailing over him hungrily, and he felt himself blush.

"Amy? Aren't you coming?"

Her eyes went wide at that. "Really? You want me to _join _you?"

"Unless you don't want to…"

"Oh, no, I do. Definitely!" Amy grinned and practically threw herself up off the mattress. "I just need to grab my stuff. I think my bag is still out in the living room."

"Okay," he nodded. "I'll meet you in there."

When she returned a moment later, her own robe and underwear in hand, Sheldon had already started the shower, and the mirror had begun to fog as the steam from the hot water filled the room. They smiled at each other awkwardly, meeting and averting gazes several times, neither quite sure what to do now that they were in the same small space together and still naked.

Eventually, Sheldon reached to take Amy's things from her, and he rested them on the edge of the sink with his own. Then he slid her glasses from her face and set them on top of the pile. She looked so fetching, standing there with her fingers threaded together in front of her, her breasts pushed together between her arms, and her hands concealing the flesh between her thighs. She shifted from foot to foot beneath his gaze, and he pulled her into himself, kissing her tenderly.

He felt her relax beneath him, and her hands came up to wrap around his neck. Sheldon smiled inwardly, reveling in the feel of her body pressing against his.

"Shall we?" He motioned toward the shower as they pulled away from one another, and he drew back the curtain so she could step in.

As she did so, he took a moment to savor the contours of her backside, resisting the urge to spank her as he had done on several occasions now already. But as he joined her and pulled the curtain closed again, he couldn't stop himself from running his palm down over one cheek and giving it a gentle but firm squeeze.

Amy hummed appreciatively and turned her head to look back at him over her shoulder. "Like what you see, Dr. Cooper?"

Sheldon ran his hand over the smooth flesh, kneading and caressing. "Very much so," he smiled. "I think I've wanted to do this for a long time."

Then he gripped her hips with both hands and drew her toward him, just holding her close. Amy tilted her head back to lay it against his chest, and he rested his chin on top of it, his arms snaking around her belly. He couldn't be certain how long they stayed like that, lost in the nearness of one another until at last Amy spoke.

"You know…we should probably actually wash ourselves while we're in here," she teased. "Otherwise, you might die of starvation before we make it out."

"Mmm…you have a point," Sheldon mumbled, not quite ready to release her just yet. "But if you ask me, this would be a good way to go."

Amy pulled away from him a bit then so she could turn to stare at him. "Seriously, who are you and what have you done with Sheldon Cooper?"

He shrugged, putting on his best derisive expression. "It's not what _I've_ done. This is all _your_ fault."

"_My _fault?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "Do tell…"

"If it wasn't for your…nakedness, and your…alluring ways, none of this would be happening."

"Oh, so you find me _alluring_, do you, Dr. Cooper?"

Sheldon swallowed as she drew nearer to him, a smoldering look in her eyes.

"Vixen," he murmured.

She grinned at that, her green eyes sparking with an internal light. "I like when you call me that."

"Good. That'll be your pet name from now on then. That's one quandary solved. But only when we're alone."

"I can live with that," she purred.

"You know…" Sheldon's own voice sounded odd to him. It was low and gravely, and he decided this was her doing as well. "It really _is _your fault. If you hadn't signed up for that online dating service, none of this would be happening right now."

"Oh? And I suppose it's _my _fault Howard and Raj entered your information into that database?" She drew a bit closer and he took a step back. "And it's _my _fault you asked me for my number that day? And that you suggested we Skype and friend each other on Facebook?"

Sheldon licked his lips, trying to sound authoritative, but her closeness was making it increasingly hard…in more ways than one. "It makes perfect sense. If we were going to be friends, we would need a way to communicate." He took another step away from her, and she once again challenged him by drawing in closer. "And besides," he continued, "_you're _the one who went on a date with someone else in order to make me jealous."

"I did no such thing," she insisted, her voice low and sultry. "I agreed to a date because I had no current attachments, and a certain _physicist_ hadn't yet noticed that I was a woman."

Sheldon swallowed again. He was certainly aware that she was all woman _now._

"You forced me to have to ask you to be my girlfriend," he went on, knowing that he was quickly losing this battle, and secretly loving every minute of it. "You insisted we cuddle. And then you made me hold your hand, and kiss you on a train."

"Hmmm…forgive me, Dr. Cooper, but I believe that kiss on the train was all _your_ doing."

She had backed him up so that he was now against the wall of the shower, his heels pressed against the curve of the tub, and he had nowhere left to escape.

"Umm…" he swallowed. "All right…_maybe._"

She rose to her tiptoes, leaning in dangerously close and whispered into his ear, her hot breath washing over his skin and giving him goose bumps. "There's no maybe about it."

Sheldon swallowed in anticipation for what was coming next, but Amy pulled away then and turned to pick up the soap as if nothing had just occurred between them. His shoulders sagged with a mixture of relief and disappointment, and he decided that the woman really _had _turned him into a hippie.

He licked his lips as he watched Amy pick up the bar of soap and rub it between her hands. Then she stared up at him, a devilish grin on her face that made him ache with desire.

"Turn around," she said.

"Amy…?"

"Turn around," she repeated with a bit more force.

Again, that take charge attitude gave him a thrill, and he did as requested, pressing his palms against the tile wall. A moment later, he felt her hands on him, warm and slippery from the soap. She pressed them against the back of his neck and began to map a path downward over his skin. She paused when she got to his backside and rubbed gentle circles there, kneading the muscles. As her fingers pressed into his cheeks, he moaned contentedly.

"I think I've wanted to do _this_ for a long time as well," she cooed, echoing his own words back at him.

Sheldon smiled and turned to face her. "My turn," he announced, reaching for the bar before she could pick it up again.

"Wait, I wasn't done yet," Amy protested, attempting to snatch it from his hand.

Sheldon pulled it out of her reach. "Too late. Now turn around and let me do this."

She bit her lip and spun away from him. Sheldon placed his free hand on her shoulder and maneuvered them both toward the water. It felt so good to stand under the warm, cleansing spray. How he had missed the clean familiarity of his own shower while he was gone, and he had been glad to find his hair cleansing products when he returned last night, sitting on the shelf just as he'd left them.

Once they were both thoroughly wet, Sheldon soaped up his own hands and began working them over Amy's skin. It was so different to be washing her flesh to flesh without the aid of a washcloth this time. He pressed his thumbs into her neck, using his eidetic memory to locate all of the sweet spots she had struck when she had given him that massage not so long ago. She moaned softly and tipped her head forward, granting him better access. He trailed his fingers to rub across her shoulder blades and down her spine, and then he repeated what she had done to his backside, pressing his fingertips into the soft mounds of flesh and delighting in the feel of them beneath his hands.

After a while, he turned her so that they were facing one another. She took the soap from him and he watched with anticipation as she stepped in again and slowly moved her palms over his shoulders and down his chest. She lathered up his belly and dragged her fingers down the length of his thighs. And then she was gripping his erection and her palm slid over him, hot and slippery. Sheldon shut his eyes and pressed the back of his head against the wall, letting out a ragged breath.

Her touch was so delicious, he marveled at the fact that he had waited so long to let her do this. What a fool he had been all these years, pushing her away when she wanted to be close, denying them both the emotional and physical rewards they both deserved.

Even as he lost himself in the sensation of Amy's hands sliding over him, he had the mind to pick up the soap. As she continued stroking him, he reached for her, lathering up her neck and collarbones and breasts. He paused there, delighting in the slippery feel of them, and teased over her nipples, eliciting a sharp gasp from her throat. Then he slid his hand between her thighs and gently rubbed his fingers against the soft skin there.

Amy moaned and her eyes fell shut, her chest heaving. Their breaths mingled with the sound of the pouring water as they continued to slide their hands over one another.

After a moment, he pushed her gently back under the spray and pressed his mouth against hers in a soul searing kiss. He ran his hands over her body, rinsing it of all traces of the soap, from her neck, to her shoulders, then over her breasts, down her belly, and at last he broke her grip on him to kneel before her and run his fingers over her labia, gently cleansing them. He watched her thoughtfully as she bit her lip, a niggling urge burning at the back of his mind. He had never thought he would want to try something so daring and scandalous, but he found that his desire for her often outweighed the logical side of his brain. When he had surrendered himself to his urges at last, it awakened something inside of him, and he found he couldn't stop touching her. He wanted to learn everything there was to know about her body and how to bring it pleasure. And a realization struck him then—maybe Leonard had been right, and nothing truly _was _disgusting when it was done with the right person.

* * *

Amy relished the hot water and the feeling of Sheldon's hands sliding over her skin. There was a time when she never could have imagined them getting to this place where they felt comfortable enough to stand together naked, touching each other and bantering playfully. She had been so relieved when she had awoken to find him next to her, still wanting her, and that he hadn't run away. But then, she had always known that once Sheldon embraced something, he _truly _embraced it. And boy, had he _ever_. She couldn't be happier with how things had progressed between them. And as she gazed down at him staring up at her with such an adoring expression, her heart swelled with love. Sheldon was such an amazing man. He was brilliant and tenacious and sexy, and he had really known what to do to make her body sing. She sighed inwardly with contentment and joy as she replayed that perfect moment in her mind. Sheldon had been passionate and tender, and the clumsy way he'd touched her had been more erotic than anything she had ever imagined. And then he had done something she had come to believe she would never get to experience. He had de-flowered her, claimed her as his. She suppressed a giddy laugh as she thought about what this all meant. She had had _sex_ with _Sheldon Cooper_. _She_ had been the one to bring out his deeply concealed and long denied desire. And at last she wasn't a virgin anymore!

Although, her newly initiated state had not become a reality without consequences. She was actually quite sore, and while she ached for an encore of their amorous activities, she decided it would have to be put on the backburner, at least for a day or two while her body recuperated. Even as Sheldon had gently washed her there, invoking all sorts of pleasurable sensations, there was still a hint of pain.

But now he was staring up at her with a hungry expression on his face, and she panicked a bit. Did he expect her to be ready for intercourse again? Would she upset him if she turned him down?

When he grabbed her by the hips and pulled her toward him, still kneeling before her, she stared at him in shock and confusion. What was he doing? He had already washed her quite thoroughly. But then his lips were trailing kisses feather-light down her belly, and she forgot everything but the feeling of his mouth against her skin.

He trailed a path to the crease where her leg met her body, and Amy felt a sudden stab of panic. Was he about to do what she thought he was? But no—Sheldon Cooper, adversary of germs, would _never _consider doing _that._

Except. It seemed that was the very thing he had been planning, and Amy gasped in both shock and overwhelming pleasure as Sheldon's tongue made its first tentative swipe over her most sensitive flesh.

"Ohhh god…_Sheldon_!"

He hummed against her, sending tingles of pleasure up her spine, and then he was nudging her thighs apart, and holding her open with his fingers, gently stroking before sealing his mouth over her again. It was hot and wet and delightful, and Amy's hips bucked of their own accord. Her legs began to shake, and she braced herself against the wall with one hand, the other threading through his hair.

Her reaction seemed to embolden him, and he began to move with more purpose. His tongue flicked against her, and then he was sucking on her clit, and it was the most glorious thing she had ever experienced. Within moments, the world was spinning out of control and everything went black as the intense waves of orgasm wracked through her body. She cried his name in pleasure, digging her fingers into his scalp, her knees buckling. Sheldon gripped her firmly by the hips, holding her upright. When he pulled away, he kissed his way up her body until he was standing before her. He was beaming at her, and it was a smile like she had never seen on his face before.

"_Sheldon_, that was…"

"Fascinating," he finished for her.

She grinned at him, and he pulled her against him for a kiss. She couldn't remember ever having felt that good, even with Gerard. In fact, her old toothbrush had really failed in comparison with _all_ of the events of the last three hours.

"I swore I would never do that," he told her. "The very thought of it was revolting to me."

That sounded much more like the Sheldon she knew. "Then why did you," she asked. "What made you change your mind?"

"Because it's _you_," he smiled.

Amy blushed at that, overcome with love for him. She decided there was no way she was going to leave him wanting, and so she sank to her own knees and reached for him, pulling him close.

"Amy, no," he protested. "You don't have to—"

"I want to," she said. But she paused when she saw him hesitate. "It's okay," she soothed as she began to rise to her feet again. "We can do something else."

"No!" Sheldon halted her mid-squat with a hand on her shoulder. "I…umm…I want you to. It's just…"

"Are you sure?"

He nodded and ran his hand over her hair, and she could tell that he was bracing himself for what was to come.

"I'll be gentle," she promised.

He bit his lip and nodded again, and Amy sank back down, wrapping her fingers around him and slowly stroking. She wasn't really sure how to do this, and the idea of it made her nervous. But she was also intrigued. And she was determined to make him feel as good as he had just made her feel.

Remembering how he'd reacted during their earlier escapade, she stroked the fingers of one hand over his balls as the other continued to pump slowly over his length. Sheldon groaned and tipped his head back, his eyes falling shut, and she smiled to herself. She would never tire of the image of an aroused Sheldon Cooper. When she leaned in to press her lips to the head of his cock, he let out a cry and his hips bucked against her. Encouraged, Amy slowly and carefully began to take him into her mouth.

She slid her lips down over his length, and then back up, and down once again, taking in as much of him as she could manage. Sheldon was already panting. His shoulders were pressed up against the wall, his long fingers scrabbling against the tile for purchase. Amy reached around him as she continued to capture him again and again into the moist cavern of her mouth, gripping his backside and holding him in place. There was something powerful about this act. The fact that she could make him feel so good, and to lose himself so completely, was euphoric. He was thrusting into her mouth now, and one hand reached to grip the back of her head, his breath hitching with every stroke.

"_Aaamy_!" His body tensed and she pulled away, her hand working over him strong and fast as the evidence of his orgasm spilled out over her fingers.

Sheldon slumped against the wall, and Amy rose to her feet, wrapping her arms around him and placing little kisses along his jaw. Her boyfriend was still gasping and struggling to catch his breath.

"You okay?" She asked.

He nodded, and tugged her toward him, kissing her passionately. Amy smiled against his mouth, overcome with joy. And then they stepped back under the spray and rinsed themselves off again. They took another moment to quickly shampoo each other's hair. When they had both finished, they stepped out together, and toweled one another dry.

Amy pulled on her underwear and robe, having purposely left her bed clothes in her bag. Sheldon had already pulled up his pants and was working on the pajama top when Amy reached for him, stilling his hands.

"Leave it off," she requested.

Sheldon seemed to think it over for a moment, and then he nodded at her. "All right." He pulled his robe on over his bare chest and tied the sash around his waist, and they both exited the bathroom.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they sat together on the couch, eating the Thai food they'd had delivered. Amy was glad she hadn't had to drive anywhere because she was spent from all of their activities.

"Amy, I know we were supposed to wait until tomorrow to assess this trial and discuss our findings, but I believe I'm ready to announce my verdict now."

"Oh?" She couldn't suppress the smile that crept its way over her lips, as she was fairly certain what his determination would end up being. "I think I've made up my mind as well."

"And?"

"You first," she insisted. "You're the one who brought it up."

"All right." Sheldon shifted so that he was facing her. "Amy, I would like it if you would agree to move in with me."

Amy grinned. "I would like that too."

"But…?" He was staring at her with that penetrating gaze of his, eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline as he waited for her to continue.

"But nothing," she said. "Yes, Sheldon, I will move in with you."

"Oh." His shoulders slumped and he exhaled. "Good." And then his face lit up with a smile.

They just stared into one another's eyes for a long moment, stupid grins plastered across their faces, before they turned their attention back to their meals and began eating again.

"I've been thinking about the Relationship Agreement," Sheldon said after a while. "I propose we combine it with the Roommate Agreement so we only have one document to contend with."

"I can agree with that," Amy said. "It would probably make life simpler."

"Good," he nodded. "So the new Relationship Agreement will include a section about living arrangements which can be altered at any time in the case of location or other major circumstance changes."

"All right. What about our sleeping situation?"

"Well…I was thinking that we could try staying in the same bed…but perhaps we could move your things into Leonard's old room so we each have our own space."

She studied his expression for a moment and thought she detected a hint of nervousness there. She wondered if he thought the suggestion would offend her.

"I agree," she smiled.

"You do?"

"Yes. While I hope we can manage to sleep together comfortably, I think it's a good idea for us each to have our own space for those times when we just need a bit of alone time."

"Oh, Amy, you've made me so happy!" He surprised her by pulling her in for a hug.

Amy laughed as she wrapped her arms around him. "It's really not a big deal, Sheldon. People need their space from time to time, and we're still adjusting to all of this. I'm used to living alone, and neither of us has ever had a sleeping companion. Besides that, I'm a firm believer in people needing their 'me' time on occasion. I think this arrangement will work out perfectly."

"Agreed." He nodded vigorously as he let her go. "We really are of like minds, Amy Farrah Fowler."

She smiled at the sound of her full name falling from his lips. It was almost as erotic as when he called her by her professional title.

"I looked over the Roommate Agreement that time when I considered moving in here before," she said. "If nothing has changed since then, I believe we can keep it as is. I don't much care about what we eat on which day of the week, and the temperature is always comfortable when I come over."

Sheldon nodded. "Good. I was hoping that would transition smoothly. Although really, if you ever get too cold or too warm, or you decide you no longer care for pizza, we can reassess those details."

Amy grinned, knowing that he would have never made such an offer to Leonard. "Agreed."

"Leonard can still drive me to work when you're at UCLA," he told her. "And you and I can go together when you work on projects at Caltech. Also…I'm considering learning how to drive again."

"Really?" That thought pleased her very much. "Oh, Sheldon, I'm so proud of you!"

"Yes, well…don't get excited too soon. Judging by how _well_ I did last time, I certainly have my doubts."

"I can help you. We'll find a place to practice together on the weekends."

Sheldon nodded, looking a bit more hopeful. "Thank you. Just make sure your seatbelts are in good working order."

That made Amy giggle.

Having finished their dinner, she rose to collect their trays and made her way to the kitchen to dump them out. She could feel Sheldon watching her as she moved, and she purposely bent down a bit lower than needed to flash him a view of her cleavage. When she made her way back to the couch, she noticed his gaze still lingering there, and she smiled inwardly.

"I was thinking," he said, licking his lips. "We should create a schedule for our amorous activities so as not to interfere with our sleep patterns and daily schedules."

"That doesn't really work, Sheldon."

He gazed at her in surprise. "Why not?"

"You can't really schedule these things. I mean, maybe once in a while, but for the most part, I think they need to be spontaneous."

"But…what if it interferes with my REM sleep and I end up unable to concentrate at work the next day? Because I must say, you exhaust me, woman."

Amy grinned at that. "Okay, how about this. We agree that it can be spontaneous, but if one of us isn't in the mood or wants to postpone, then we'll do so. In other words, we both have to be willing participants in order for sex to take place." She figured that was how these things were usually approached anyway, and who would want an unwilling partner?

Sheldon seemed to think that over for a moment. "All right, agreed."

"Also," she said, laying her hand over his, "I wanted to let you know…I'm already on the pill. Remember how I used to have to wear feminine products all the time? Well, Penny and Bernadette convinced me that the pill would help regulate my cycle. And it really works. But even still, I think it's a good idea for us to use condoms as well for now."

Sheldon nodded. "Agreed. I'm glad to know we're double covered…just in case."

"Yes. It just seems…safer."

"Hey, Amy," Sheldon added after a moment.

"Yes?"

"I'm really glad that you'll be moving in here."

She smiled. "I'm glad too, Sheldon. I'm really happy you want me here."

"I do…although I do have one condition."

"Oh?" She sat up a bit straighter, trying to read his expression. She had no idea what this new development might be about, and it made her a bit nervous. "What's that?"

"Gerard can't come with you."

Amy laughed. "Is that all? Consider him thrown away."

Sheldon grinned at her. "Good."

Amy scooted closer to him and snaked her hand under the fold of his robe, caressing his chest. "It's not like I need him anyway," she purred. "Besides, you're _much_ more skilled than he could ever hope to be."

Sheldon leaned in close to her, his lips inches from hers, when there was a knock at the door. They pulled away from one another quickly, and Amy yanked her hand back, returning it to her lap.

"Come in," Sheldon called, his voice cracking just a bit.

The door opened, and Leonard and Penny peeked their heads in.

"Hey, guys," Leonard greeted, entering the apartment once he appeared to have deemed it safe. "We just wanted to stop by and apologize for spying on you earlier."

Penny followed him inside and shut the door. "Yeah, it's just that we all love you and want you two to be happy."

Sheldon glanced between them for a moment, and Amy thought he might lecture them about appropriate ways to treat a friend or keeping their noses in their own business. But instead, he waved a hand dismissively, and smiled. "No harm done," he said, and leaned back against the couch.

Leonard and Penny exchanged shocked glances as they moved further into the room and took their seats—Penny on the couch next to Amy and Leonard in the adjacent chair.

"Soo…" Penny said, eyeing them with a scrutinizing gaze. "What's the verdict so far? You gonna let Amy move in, Sheldon?"

"We've discussed it," he answered. "And we've agreed to give it a try."

"That's great!" Leonard grinned at the two of them. "Just make sure not to touch the thermostat," he told Amy. "That's one sure way to send Sheldon into a conniption fit."

"Not to worry," she smiled. "I think we're on the same page with most of that stuff. We _are_ a lot alike, after all." She patted Sheldon on the knee for emphasis.

Her best friend shifted beside her, and she spared her a glance, watching as her sight trailed from Amy's hand up to Sheldon's slightly open robe, revealing a patch of bare chest, to their still damp hair, and then at each of their faces. It was then that Penny's jaw dropped open.

"Oh. My. _God_!" Her exclamation was punctuated by a sharp slap to Amy's flannel clad thigh. "You two had _sex_!"

Amy felt her entire face heat up, and she pulled her hand away from Sheldon's knee, placing it in her own lap where she could stare down at it, unable to hide her smile.

Penny brought her hands up to her mouth. "Holy crap on a cracker!"

Amy couldn't bring herself to look at her boyfriend, or at any of them really. She was way too embarrassed, and worried about how he would react. There was a stretch of awkward silence, and then Leonard smacked Sheldon on the arm.

"Congratulations, buddy!"

"So, Ames…" Penny grinned, pressing up against her. "How was he?"

"_Excuse_ me," Sheldon protested. "I don't see how that's any of your business."

"He was great," Amy gushed. She simply couldn't help herself.

"_Really_?" Penny looked and sounded shocked.

"Oh, yes." Amy nodded emphatically. "He has this way with his hands…and his mouth…and his…other parts."

"_Amy_!" Sheldon sounded completely scandalized.

She felt a bit bad about it, but after all this time of waiting and after all the jokes that had been made at both of their expense, she really felt that it was about time for some retribution. Besides, if she knew their two best friends well enough, she could ensure they would never inquire about their personal life again after she was done.

"What," she asked, summoning her most innocent tone. "I'm just being honest, Sheldon. You have to admit, you're quite the sex god."

"Umm…" Penny frowned and shook her head as if trying to clear it of an offending image.

When Amy dared to meet Sheldon's gaze, she nodded at him almost imperceptibly, and he seemed to catch on.

"Oh, yes, well…Amy was pretty spectacular herself. Despite the fact that up until a few hours ago she was still a virgin, her skill far surpassed my expectations."

"Uh…okay," Leonard groaned. "That's enough."

"Well, I must admit, Sheldon, it's true what they say about height being relative to the length of one's—"

"LALALALALALALA!" Penny had her fingers in her ears and was shouting, drowning out Amy's voice.

Amy and Sheldon flashed each other knowing grins.

"Fine, we'll stop now," Amy announced. "As long as you agree not to ask anymore questions."

"Agreed," Leonard said immediately.

"Aww, but…" Penny started to protest.

"Have I mentioned that Amy's tongue is the prime width for—"

"Fine! Fine!" Penny threw her hands up in surrender. "I won't ask anything else. Ever."

Amy nodded. "Good."

"In fact," Leonard added, rising from the chair. "We really should get going. We just stopped by to make sure everything was all right. It looks like you've got things under control here."

Penny stood quickly with him and they made their way to the door. "We'll see you both later," she called as they quickly made their exit.

Once the door was closed, Sheldon tugged Amy to him and gave her a long, deep kiss. "I love the way your mind works," he grunted. And they both started to laugh.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: **A huge thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story and has provided feedback, both encouraging and constructive. You guys all rock, and I'm so happy you decided to go on this journey with me. I'm really sad to end this story because it's been so much fun to write, but I really think this is its natural stopping point. If even one little detail of this story were to ever come into being on the show, I would be a happy fangirl indeed. But this is why I love fanfiction—we can enjoy the plots we'd like to see whether or not they'll ever become canon. I wish I could say what season 8 has in store for us, and I know many of us have our share of worries about what's to come for Shamy. But I'm choosing to hold onto hope and stay optimistic. As for writing, I do have a couple of other plot ideas floating around in my head, so I'll probably be posting a new story soon. I'm looking forward to reading all of your great stories as well! Here's to positive thoughts for a great season 8!

* * *

**The Chaos Theory Substantiation**

**Chapter Twelve**

"_I don't mind. I'm hoping to put his love of repetition to good use someday." – Amy, The Workplace Proximity_

"A little help here?" Howard huffed as he maneuvered around the doorframe and staggered into the living room, a headboard about as wide as he was tall balanced in his outstretched hands. Raj rushed over and grabbed one end, helping him angle it up the step and toward the hall.

"Thank you, guys," Amy called after them. "Just set it against the wall and I'll take care of it later."

She leaned against the kitchen island and wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. Late July in southern California continued to be a scorcher. She and Sheldon, with the help of Penny, Bernadette, and Emily, had just gotten done bringing in all of her boxes, which contained just about everything she owned. She was exhausted. The fact that the elevator _still_ wasn't fixed had only served to make the process all the more grueling as they had been forced to lug everything up three flights of stairs. The guys had endured even worse with her furniture. Amy's arms were sore and her back ached. Maybe she could talk Sheldon into giving her a massage later. Perhaps in the shower with her lavender soap; he seemed to love their little escapades under the water where everything was so easily cleansed away. Of course, that would have to wait, as right now their apartment was full of people.

_Their apartment. _ She doubted she would ever tire of the sound of that. It was only now just starting to sink in that she was going to be living with Sheldon Cooper. Every morning, she could wake up to the sight of his face, and every evening they would study together or watch documentaries, play their games that only they knew how to play, or curl up on the couch together, sipping cups of tea. It had been her dream for so long, and now that it was a reality, she hardly knew what to do with herself.

She was so thankful their friends had come to help. It would have been a herculean task had it just been her and Sheldon. As it was, he had complained the entire afternoon every time he had been forced to carry something heavy up to the fourth floor. But when she had offered to hire a moving company, he had balked at that, insisting that movers were usually dirty and sweaty from moving god only knew how many other people, and there was no telling what kind of germs were all over their unwashed bodies and hands. Not to mention the fact that there was no way they would prove as meticulous at handling her belongings as she would herself, and something would most likely end up broken. That was when she had resorted to calling in the troops. And they had done quite an efficient job. In a few short hours, her entire life had been transported from one location to the other.

She thought for a moment about how she would miss her old place. After all, she had been living there for the past ten years. There were a lot of memories floating amidst the dust bunnies she had left behind (what few there were, that is; she was almost as meticulous as Sheldon when it came to cleanliness). She had written many a noted research paper at her little computer desk, spent girl's nights there, had shared her first kiss with Sheldon one drunken evening. It had housed her experimental monkey, Ricky for a few months, and she and Sheldon had shared some rather…_intense_ milestones in their relationship. It was funny, but out of all the items she was leaving behind, she thought the one she would miss the most would be her refrigerator. Whenever she looked at it, flashes of memory would invade her mind of him pressing her up against it while his hands roamed over her body for the first time. Of course, amidst all the cherished moments of reminiscence, there had been some not-so-great times as well. Like when he had reprimanded her for having the audacity to want a future with him and then stormed out of her life for two months. All of that had been righted now though, and she pushed it from her mind. Sheldon had come to grips with the idea that he wanted the same things she did, and he had actually welcomed the change with open arms. Looking back, she was glad for his sabbatical. It had given them both a new perspective and had helped them grow—together. Everything happened for a reason. It was a concept she'd had a difficult time believing in as a teenager when the world had seemed so cruel, but she understood it now and had come to accept it as truth. She knew she would miss her old life, but she was so looking forward to the new one she would forge together with Sheldon.

Even so, she could still envision how barren the apartment had looked just before she'd left for the last time, and the empty feeling that had clawed at her while they stood within, their voices echoing off the walls as they spoke. As the last box had been carried away from her former living room, Amy had held Sheldon back so the two of them could have a moment alone. Once their friends had gone, she'd turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. On instinct, his hands had found her waist and he'd held her close as he kissed her back. She'd delighted in his nearness, as she always did, thinking back to all the times before this past Valentine's Day, when he had hardly even dared to touch her.

"I wish my bed was still here," she had whispered then, ignoring the urge to pull him down and take him right there on the floor.

Sheldon had flashed her one of those smiles that had always reminded her of an innocent little boy. "It's not as though it's not coming with us."

"True," she had answered, looking up at him through her eyelashes. "It's just, we never got a chance to...finish what we started here."

Sheldon had seemed to catch her meaning, but instead of speaking right away, he'd taken her hand and squeezed it in a reassuring manner as they'd stood together, glancing around at the empty walls and freshly vacuumed carpet.

"If I didn't know you as well as I do, Dr. Fowler, I would think you were being a bit overly sentimental," he had said then.

_Sentimental. _It wasn't a word that would have ever come up in a conversation having to do with Amy Farrah Fowler only four short years ago, but she supposed that the term _did_ describe what she had been feeling in that moment. Oh, how time and love had changed her.

"Perhaps," she'd admitted. "But our new memories will be even better."

And she'd smiled then, knowing in her heart it was the truth.

"Well, it looks like we're all done," Leonard announced once Raj and Howard returned to the common area.

Amy blinked back to reality at those words and glanced around at the assortment of boxes that were stacked neatly at the edges of the room. She had decided to put her sofa into storage, along with a couple of her bookcases and various other belongings. She kept one of the taller units for her bedroom to house her neuroscience books, but the rest of her tomes would fit right into the empty spaces Leonard had left on the living room shelves. Sheldon had conceded to let her move her small dining table into the space near the window, where the set Leonard had picked out not so long ago had only lasted a day and a half. Amy got the feeling the bespectacled scientist held a bit of a grudge about that. Nevertheless, he had been a good sport and had even helped Sheldon once again pack up the old stuff that had been formerly housed there and had moved in the table himself. She wondered briefly if part of that was out of guilt for the upset he had caused her when he'd allowed Sheldon to leave. In any case, she had made a point of thanking him for his help. Both he and Sheldon would be sharing the storage unit with her—Leonard for his old bedroom set, and her boyfriend for the shelving and knickknacks, until he could decide what to ultimately do with them. The old computer had finally been discarded, having been recognized as the dinosaur it truly was.

Now that all of her things had made it safely into her new apartment, it was time to eat. Amy had convinced Sheldon that they owed their friends dinner for all of their hard work, so they'd ordered pizzas and soda, and Amy had picked up some wine and beers earlier in the day. As she set out the food and dishes and everyone took their places around the coffee table, Amy reflected on how lucky she truly was. She had a group of great friends who, although meddlesome and imperfect at times, truly cared about her. Work was going well and a new breakthrough in her addiction studies had led to another prestigious project at Caltech. She had a boyfriend who was not only smart and sexy, but who had finally opened up to her and had shown her just how much she really meant to him. Sheldon had truly committed himself to her and their relationship. She still felt like pinching herself some days to make sure it wasn't all a dream.

"So," Penny asked, taking a sip of wine, "why did you move your bed into Leonard's old room? Shouldn't you just be sleeping together now that you're having sex?"

The room grew very quiet, and Amy spared a quick glance at her friends' faces. Each of them had expressions depicting various degrees of shock and amusement. She saved the last look for Sheldon, who sat there calmly, chewing his food and staring down at the pizza on his plate like it was the most interesting equation he had ever seen.

"Well…we umm…" She wasn't sure what to say. "We will be sharing on most nights, but we agreed that it would be a good idea to each have our own place to go when we need some alone time."

"Not that it's anyone's business," Sheldon added without looking up.

Amy couldn't help but smile.

"Huh…that's actually not a bad idea." Penny frowned in thought.

"Wait a minute," Leonard protested, his voice taking on a nasally quality which usually indicated he was offended. "Are you saying you feel the need to get away from me sometimes?"

"No," Penny was quick to answer. "No, of course not. It's just…it's good for _all_ couples to have some time to themselves. I mean, isn't that why you have Sunday paintball and vintage video games on Fridays with the guys? And we have our girl's nights."

"I guess you're right," he yielded.

"So wait," Howard stared from Amy to Sheldon and back again. "You mean to tell me the two of you are sharing a bed? And that you actually…_you _know…"

Sheldon flashed him his trademark look of haughty derision. "Not that it's any business of yours...but yes."

"So..." The engineer scooted in closer from his place on the floor and nudged Sheldon's knee with his elbow, echoing the question Penny had asked Amy the previous weekend. "How was she?"

Amy's face grew hot with embarrassment as everyone's eyes again shifted to her and Sheldon.

"_Howie!_" Bernadette chided.

"Hey, sorry," he threw up his hands, but his wide grin betrayed his amusement. "I had to ask."

"We've already had this conversation," Leonard interrupted. "Can we not talk about it again?"

"_Hey_…maybe _you_ have, but the rest of us want to know the details." Raj protested. He leaned in toward Amy. "Was it romantic?"

A chorus of groans echoed through the apartment.

Sheldon set his plate down on the coffee table and straightened up in his seat. "First of all," he announced in a tone that bore no argument, "Amy was superb in every way."

Raj leaned in again with his hand raised to give Amy a high five, and there was another round of grunted objections.

"And secondly, we agreed we wouldn't discuss this any further."

"Aw, _come on_," Raj whined.

"What goes on in our apartment is between Amy and me."

"Yeah, and trust me, you do _not_ want to hear details." Penny supplied.

Amy bit her lips to keep from grinning, truly glad that she had managed to think fast the other night when their two best friends had tried to grill them about their escapades.

"I still don't believe it," Howard insisted. "I say this is all some joke, like the first time they spread those rumors for their little meme experiment."

"Trust me, Howard," Penny said, "judging from the sounds I've heard coming out of this apartment over the last week, these two have been _pretty_ busy. And I don't mean doing sciency stuff either."

Sheldon gave her a death glare and rolled his eyes dramatically. "We are _not_ that loud."

"Gotcha!" Penny beamed.

The room erupted in gasps and excited chit chat, and Sheldon lowered his head to stare down at his plate again. "_Drat!_"

"Although…" Penny cocked her head in thought, her voice silencing the group temporarily. "I did hear Amy shouting some stuff about gravitational pull and the Big Bang Theory at one point..."

_Oh my god, she heard that? _Amy spared a quick, terrified glance at Sheldon, but he just met her gaze briefly and then returned his attention to his food again.

"_Okay_, next topic!" Leonard all but yelled.

"Wait, wait," Raj interjected. "You still haven't told us if it was _romantic_."

"_All_ right," Sheldon spoke up then. "If you all are finished discussing what goes on behind the _closed_ doors of our own apartment—"

"I'm just getting _started_," Howard smirked. "Trust me, I can be completely relentless. And from the sounds of things, so can the two of you."

"_Howard_," Bernadette scolded again. "Leave the two of them alone. How would you like it if people were making fun of _our_ sex life?"

Amy's embarrassment was slowly fading as she listened to the banter of her friends. Although they were being beyond nosy, the underlying current was that they were happy for her and Sheldon. And she couldn't suppress the swell of pride at the idea that she actually _had_ a sex life now for them to joke about. At last she found her voice again. "It's okay, Bernadette. After all, we really _are_ like two wild animals in heat."

Sheldon's breathy laugh beside her confirmed that he had caught onto her joke, recalling the words he had spoken to her mother over four years ago as a ruse to convince her they were dating. Oh, how far they had come.

A deafening silence followed, and when Amy glanced around, it was to discover that every pair of eyes was staring at Sheldon as though he had suddenly sprouted a second head.

"Holy crap," Howard breathed after a long moment. "It's really true. Sheldon Cooper has finally gotten laid."

Penny smirked and crossed her arms. "Told you."

"He seems so..._calm_," Bernadette whispered.

"And _happy_," Leonard added.

"Oh, this is _definitely_ romantic." Raj fanned himself, looking like he was about to cry. Emily smiled awkwardly and patted his back.

"It looks like finally getting some has done you a world of good," Howard said, not unkindly, and slapped Sheldon on the back. "Welcome to the club!"

* * *

A couple of hours later, their friends had all gone home. Sheldon and Amy stood together in her new room, finally sharing a moment of peace from the inquisitive line of questioning they had been forced to endure all evening.

"Well _that_ was an ordeal and a half," Sheldon grumped. "Remind me next time we move to just let you hire that confounded moving company."

Amy smiled and rose to her toes to kiss him on the cheek. "It wasn't _so_ bad. At least no one caught us in the act. And they were all really supportive."

"I suppose," he relented, but there was still a hint of annoyance in his tone.

"So…" Amy ran her hand over the newly washed duvet and flashed Sheldon a coy look. "It would appear we managed to get my bed put back together. And in record time, too."

"Yes," Sheldon said, his gaze trailing along the length of the mattress.

"What should we do now?"

"Well…" He glanced around the room, his voice soft and low. "You have a lot of boxes in here to unpack…"

Amy felt a stab of disappointment, but she wasn't about to give up that easily. "Oh, yes. I guess I should get on that." She picked up a bin she had placed in the corner, neatly labeled "uniforms" and set it on top of the bed.

Sheldon watched as she opened it and began to take the clothing items out, one by one. First came her blue Star Trek dress, and she felt his eyes on her all the way to the closet, where she grabbed an empty hanger and hung it up. When she turned to look at him, she found him licking his lips, his gaze still fixed on the garment. She smiled inwardly as she moved back to the box. Next came her Snow White costume. Sheldon hadn't seemed all that impressed with this one at the time, but again he watched her move to the rack with it and hang it in its place.

"Amy, I thought that box was for your lab coats."

"Why would I take my lab coats home," she asked with an innocent smile.

"Well…I don't know, but the container was clearly marked 'uniforms' and that would imply—"

"It doesn't say they're for _work_ though, does it?" And with that, she pulled out her plaid schoolgirl skirt for emphasis.

She smiled in triumph as Sheldon exhaled a shaky breath. "Woman, you are playing dirty," he growled.

"Yes, indeed I am." Her grin only grew wider. "And we both know how you hate '_dirty_'."

"Go put that on," he commanded. "Right now."

"Right now? Hmm…okay." With that, she pulled her denim skirt down her thighs and stepped out of it.

Sheldon's eyes were trained on her, roaming over her newly exposed skin. Amy smiled again, delighting in the fact that only a short time ago, she could have never even conceived of him looking at her in any kind of way that wasn't platonic. But now that the beast of desire had been awoken inside of him at last, her boyfriend had proven to be insatiable.

Amy hiked the pleated skirt into place, pulled up the zipper, and began to slowly unfasten her blouse. But suddenly Sheldon was standing before her and capturing her hands in his larger ones, stilling her movement.

"Let me," he murmured.

Amy wet her lips and stood still as his long, deft fingers worked over the buttons. In no time, he was pulling the garment down her arms. He was getting good at this.

"Now where is that white shirt…?" She reached to rummage through the box again, but once more he stopped her.

"Leave it off," he said. And then his mouth was pressing against her collarbone and trailing wet kisses down the valley of her cleavage.

Amy shut her eyes, delighting in the sensation. She would never, _ever_ tire of Sheldon touching her. Those talented fingers of his worked the clasp at the front of her bra, and it popped open, revealing her breasts to his eager gaze. Amy hummed happily as he dragged his palms over her pert nipples to gently cup them in his hands.

"I don't know, Dr. Cooper…aren't teacher-student relations forbidden?"

"Then let's get you out of that skirt," he grunted.

Sheldon reached around her, drawing down the zipper, and she wiggled her hips letting it fall to the floor. It was a new record, she reflected. The skirt hadn't even lasted two minutes.

"Aw, and here I thought you were going to teach me physics," she mock-pouted.

Sheldon grinned. "Oh, I am. Your first lesson is Newton's law of universal gravitation."

"Oooh…talk dirty to me," she purred.

"The law states," he murmured, brushing his fingertips feather-light along Amy's bare shoulders, "that when two bodies attract one another with equal and opposite forces, the magnitude of the force is proportional to the product of the two masses."

"Mmm…are you saying your body is attracted to mine?" Amy pulled Sheldon's lone t-shirt over his head, delighting in how the action mussed his hair.

"In more ways than one," he said, unbuttoning his fly, where she could tell the fabric was already straining.

"I like the sound of that," she smiled, pulling the pants down his hips so they pooled onto the floor.

Sheldon stepped out of them and kicked off his shoes, and she did the same with her flats. Now they were both standing in nothing but their underwear. As if on cue, they reached for each other's waistbands at the same time and slid them down one another's thighs. Once they were freed of the garments, Sheldon guided her to the bed and they flopped on top of it together, turning on their sides to face one another. Sheldon threaded his fingers through her hair and drew her in for a kiss. Amy wrapped her leg around his hip and pulled him closer to her, grinding her pelvis against his erection.

"Lesson two," Sheldon groaned when he came up for air. "Newton's first law of motion. A body continues in its state of constant velocity unless it is acted upon by an external force."

"So if I were to act on your body like this…" Amy ground up against him again, eliciting a gasp from his throat. "I would hold the power to alter your momentum?"

"You've been altering it since you put on that skirt." He traced his fingers down her body to grip her backside. "On second thought, you've been shifting my velocity since the day I met you."

Amy grinned at that and pulled him in, pressing her lips to his.

Sheldon's hand roamed over her as they kissed, trailing up her back and then down the side of her breast, mapping a path along her hip bone, and finally brushing his fingers over the soft folds between her thighs. He stroked torturously slowly, igniting sparks of delight through her entire body. Amy sighed and laid back on the bed, parting her legs and basking in his touch. He was getting quite skilled at this too, she thought. Just a few caresses could nearly send her over the edge. Amy thought she must be the most fortunate woman on the planet to have a partner with an eidetic memory.

As Sheldon continued his teasing, she reached for him, stroking over his erection with slow, even thrusts. Sheldon shut his eyes and captured his bottom lip between his teeth. She watched in satisfaction as his chest rose and fell quicker, his harsh breaths mingling with hers.

"Come here," he said, rolling over onto his back and pulling her on top of him.

They continued to touch each other until Amy thought she would surely burst from the pleasure. Then he slid his hand away to grab her hips instead. Realizing what he was asking, she leaned forward and stretched her arm over his head, searching under her pillow for a moment until she grasped the little square package she had concealed there while making the bed earlier. Sheldon licked his lips as he watched her open the condom and roll it over him.

"Now _I'm _going to teach _you _about biology," she purred.

And then she tilted herself up, bracing her weight with her hands on either side of him. He positioned her so she was hovering just over his straining flesh, and then she lowered herself slowly, gasping at the feeling as she took him into herself from above for the first time.

Sheldon groaned. He tipped his head back and his fingers dug into the flesh of her hips as she took a moment to get used to the feeling of him inside of her. It was still new, and each angle and position brought with it a slightly different sensation. Amy delighted in the feeling of fullness this posture induced. And then she began to move, slowly at first, studying the way his expression grew tense and then relaxed with each stroke. His teeth were digging into his lip so hard she was worried they would draw blood. But still she rocked her body over his, lifting herself up to caress his length before plunging back down again. His soft cries were like music, setting the tempo for this erotic dance. She began to speed up her movements, grinding her clit against him with each thrust and savoring the sweet crescendo toward her own climax.

Sheldon opened his eyes at last, and the lust burning there was almost enough to undo her. He reached for her, taking one of her nipples into his mouth and flicking his tongue over it, while the other snaked around her to grip her ass again. It was Amy's turn to shut her eyes then, lost in the glorious jolting sensations his touch was inducing. She continued to grind her hips against him, her pleasure spiking higher and higher.

She reached behind her, trailing her fingers over his balls and lightly scratching over the skin with her fingernails. Sheldon let out a long, low moan and tugged her toward him, crushing his mouth against hers. Then she braced herself again with both hands and thrust against him, her hips jerking faster and harder until at last she cried out, blinded by the pulsing bliss surging through her.

When she came down from her high it was to find Sheldon panting, his darkened irises staring right into her soul. She hoisted her hips upward and slammed them back down, impaling herself again and again on his cock, increasing the tempo and determined to bring him to sweet release. When at last, he let out a guttural cry, his hips bucking against hers in the throes of orgasm, she smiled, luxuriating in the power and control he had yielded to her so willingly.

They stayed like that for a while, her straddling his lap and him buried inside of her, planting little kisses on each other's lips. At last, she felt him soften and she rolled off of him and onto her back, spent and satiated. Sheldon reached for her hand and threaded his fingers with hers, resting them against his own belly.

"It's strange, Amy," he said after a while.

"What is?"

"I've spent my entire life trying to be Bruce Banner, and now I've finally realized that sometimes it's actually better to be the Hulk."

Amy thought about that for a moment, envisioning Sheldon morphing into a huge, green, lust-filled monster and she began to giggle.

"What's so funny?"

"You," she smiled. "When you get going, you really _are _like the Hulk."

She started to laugh again, and he soon joined her, the evidence of their humor carrying through the apartment.

* * *

Sheldon lay on his back, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling, and identifying in turn each of the constellations he had so painstakingly outlined across the plaster. There was Orion the warrior, and off to its left, the Big Dipper. To the right of those was the flying horse, Pegasus. The shapes were out of scale, of course, but what could one expect from a few packages of ninety-nine cent stickers? Even so, the familiar patterns had always brought him comfort. However, counting stars had not helped him tonight. He had been awake for two hours already, and it would seem there was no sleep on the horizon.

Tomorrow was a big day. Amy would be taking him to a new comic book store they had found online that promised to be much bigger and more fully stocked than Stuart's old shop. He had been searching for a replacement for weeks now since his return. _Finally_ he would be able to get his hands on the latest issues of The Flash. And then they would go out for ice cream and to the model train store. He was hoping to find a vintage train set similar to the model they had ridden in Napa; it had quickly become his favorite. Sheldon had been giddy about their impending excursion all evening, which was most likely the catalyst for his insomnia. However he was also excited about the surprise he had planned for _her_. He had found out about a special Eagleman lecture taking place tomorrow night on time perception and neurolaw. It wasn't something he was particularly interested in, but he figured it would provide some entertainment value at the very least, and he knew Amy would be over the moon about it. He was going to surprise her with the tickets over an early dinner. As per her usual selflessness, she had arranged so many fun things for _him_ for their Saturday that he figured it was the least he could do. He had even been willing to miss laundry night for this.

Sheldon turned to look at her and could make out the silhouette of her body in the darkness. She was lying on her side facing him, and he traced his gaze over the dip of her waist and the rounded curve of her hip. A patch of diffused moonlight highlighted her features, bathing them in a soft glow. Her face was a mask of tranquility, long eyelashes resting peacefully above her rosy cheeks. Sheldon smiled at the sight of her and then carefully extracted himself from the bed, tiptoeing out of the room and slowly closing the door so as not to disturb her.

He made his way to the kitchen and put a kettle of milk on the stove to heat. Then he padded over to his computer desk and opened his laptop. There was a letter he had been meaning to write, and in his sleepless state, he figured now was as good a time as any. This one he would be sending snail mail, so he opened Word and began to type. His thoughts came easily to him, and when he had finished, he printed off a copy, signing his name to the bottom with a flourish. Just then the teapot began to whistle, and he rushed over to turn the burner off and pour himself his cup of warm milk. As he sipped it carefully, he read over his note one last time before folding it neatly into a pre-stamped envelope and placing it into his satchel to take to the post office in the morning.

When he had finished his drink, he realized that his eyelids had begun to droop, so he washed out his mug and made his way back to his bedroom. His bed was no longer empty; Amy was waiting there for him.

_No one's allowed in my room!_ It had been his motto for years. He shook his head and chuckled at his younger self—the one without ties and emotional bonds. The one who just a few months ago had not yet discovered the bliss of intimacy and who had not been ready to admit that what he was feeling was love. Then he crawled back into bed, wrapped his arm around his girlfriend, and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

A few days later and several miles away, a man sat in his rocker reading over the letter he had just received in the mail. A smile lit up his face and a knowing twinkle sparked in his eyes as he poured over the words, glad that his advice had not fallen on deaf ears, and thankful that he had been able to help a kindred soul in need.

_Dear Bennet,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. It has been just over two months since my return to Pasadena, California, and I must say things are going great. I wanted to thank you for the sage piece of wisdom you shared with me while we were on the train together. I took your advice to heart, and my relationship with Amy is better than ever. You were right when you said that nothing else would matter without her._

_I'm learning to drive as well. Amy is an excellent teacher, although I fear I nearly killed us both last weekend, and in an empty parking lot, no less. I'm afraid there isn't much hope at this point of ever acquiring my driver's license. It would seem there really are some menial tasks my brain is just too evolved for. Nevertheless, I plan to keep trying for the time being, especially since I know how much my independence in that regard would mean to her and the rest of our friends._

_While we're on the topic of my superior intellect, I must mention that my work in string theory has been making leaps and bounds as of late. It seems you were right about this too. While perusing Amy's bookshelves, I stumbled across a rather interesting text detailing the precise measurements laid out in Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. While I am certainly no novice to the concept, the unfamiliar approach the author took got me thinking. And then I realized that if I focus my efforts on the Higgs boson and can figure a way to prove the existence of multiple Higgs-like particles, that could lead to direct experimental evidence to support supersymmetry. And of course, I would be on my way to proving string theory. Surely it would seem that I am once again on the track toward winning a Nobel Prize. If and when that should occur, you can be assured that I will include you in my acceptance speech. Amy, of course, will be my primary subject of gratitude. If I hadn't asked her to move in with me, I would have never come across such a fortuitous discovery. It seems that with her around, everything is gradually falling into place._

_Dammit...perhaps that stupid psychic was right after all._

_In any case, I wanted to let you know that your guidance has had a direct impact on my life. You remind me very much of my pop-pop—my deceased grandfather whom I was very close to. He was a huge influence on me in my younger years and it was he who encouraged me to pursue science. There is a tranquility inside of me now that I have never felt before, a sense of calm and of belonging. I have been so much more focused lately, so much more content. I can't help but think what a fool I've been all these years for denying myself this peace of mind that comes with embracing life in all of its forms, both during chaos and in moments of structure. It's like a veil has been lifted from my eyes and suddenly I can see everything that is right in front of me, all the truths I had rejected for so long. It is akin to my quest to prove string theory. The parts were all there, I just had to be able to recognize them and fit them all together._

_I hope you have found what you were looking for as well and that you have made it safely back home. Perhaps one day you can visit Pasadena, or I will take a trip to Oregon, and I can introduce you to the most talented and engaging neurobiologist I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Until then, live long and prosper._

_Sheldon_

* * *

**~Fini~**


End file.
